Depression acting up

Can you see a counselor? I think that would be a good place to start. Here, it is normal to move out and live alone. But I guess you have things in a different way.

I would get some books on depression if I were you. Some self help books. I would see a counselor or therapist and talk about the abuse of your brother. I think it would do you good.

I hope that things get better for you. Get that job. It will help you feel good about yourself.

Hugs, Karen...

Thanks for the replies.

Karen,
I want to get a job, but given my situation now I don't think I can do a good job.

I have kept the molest incident to myself as initially I thought it was a small matter until I realize how much it had affected me. I personally think that a counselor would not be able to help me in regards to this issue.

Tim Tam,
My neighbour had a dog that barks too. She had a hard time controlling her dog. Sometimes, when my family member goes home late and walk past the neighbour's house, it would bark non-stop. Or when a stranger such as a delivery boy walks past the house, it starts to bark too.

It was worse previously and improved lately. Other neighbours had complained about this dog many times and from what I know, one more complain and the dog has to be sent away.

My younger brother used to sleep with my older brother and mother in the bigger room. My father took the master room. My room was rather small so it can only accommodate one.

As my mother goes out early to work, I don't wanna share a room with my older brother! I just don't feel safe at all. I cried a lot about wanting to get my room back. My younger brother refused to give up the room. My mother doesn't know about the molest case, so she assumed I am being stubborn and throwing tantrums. I rather sleep in the living room than share a room with them.

To be honest, I am already 25. Why does she thinks I'm throwing tantrums to get my way?! I am very disappointed, because even my own mother doesn't understand me. She could not help me when I need her the most.

I feel like such a failure, I couldn't even keep my job because of depression and anxiety. I want to get well and move out again...but I can't seem to get well. Totally stuck here.

Evelyn:

You said:

"It was worse previously and improved lately. Other neighbours had complained about this dog many times and from what I know, one more complain and the dog has to be sent away."

In my situation, I took my neighbors to municipal court over the dog. Here some advice: don't take pathos neighbors to court. They eat that for breakfast.

I'm also saying, that my taking them to court didn't do anything. Where I live, looks like no law against that.

I'm glad you are getting some results about the dog, where one more complaint might solve the issue. Although, quieting the dog, not taking him away, might be best.

Can you confide in your mother as to what happened and your need for the single bedroom?

You say, "I am very disappointed, because even my own mother doesn't understand me"

Does she not understand you because she does not understand you, or does she not understand you because she does not know about the situation?

You said you cried a lot about wanting that room, but she did not respond. I can see your point, she should see that you need that room even without knowing all the details. But maybe you should tell her the details to get the room.

Of course you know more about the household than I do, so you'll have to decide.

Can you concentrate on getting your mother help you get the room? "One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem."

Don't worry about getting a job, or getting your own place. Worry about getting that room.

Can you think of anyway to convince her of that? If you can get your mother as your ally, you may have done a lot toward winning the battle.

It's her house. What she says goes, especially when it concerns the females.

If your younger brother wants free room and board, he has to move in with your older brother or move out. I think I know which one he'll choose.

What are the problems you said resulted from that situation?

You say, "I feel like such a failure, I couldn't even keep my job because of depression and anxiety. I want to get well and move out again...but I can't seem to get well. Totally stuck here."

I look back on my work career from time to time, like today for instance, and think of the jobs I could not keep, and the places I did not fit in, probably because of my illness of manic-depression, and my personality, and my anxiety.

Then I look at the end of that string of loss jobs, where I was diagnosed as manic-depressive, where I was declared mentally disabled, and I look at that loss of many jobs differently.

I look at it as me, as who I am, and not as a failure. I look at it as I did not fit in with them, but I fit in with who I am. I am alone as I type this: I don't have to fit in; I don't have to impress a boss; I don't have to do jobs I can't do. And I feel comfortable.

I do some of my hobbies. I'm not around a lot of people; I don't do a lot of socialization, and when I do I feel uncomfortable.

But like today, I took my dog for a walk, saw a friend, talked to him about my falling down a five foot steep embankment as I got dizzy from my blood pressure pill, and there was no tree to hold onto, and I just fell.

So, I told him about that, but then he had to go in from walking his dog, but I got in a 5 minutes conversation which I enjoyed.

So we are who we are. We don't have to be ashamed of it. I know at 25, you have a different perspective on your life than I do on my life as senior citizen. So I can't explain it to you.

But you are who you are, and you're OK, you just don't know it, because you're not like all the others, which is OK. What you want to be is yourself. By not being like them, you have qualities they don't.

You're also yourself. A successful person, who failed enormously early in his life, but overcame that, told me one time, "Fate has a way of bending a person to where he should have been in the first place."

Where should I have been in the first place? Try my best, then accept the results of who I am (manic-depressive) and be satisfied with that. Work with what I have.

Can you do volunteer work? Could you work in a hospital at a volunteer? I could lead to a job. Could you volunteer in a senior citizens home? That could lead to a job.

Could you walk a dog at a shelter, or help clean the bedding? It might get you to thinking about helping others rather than dwelling on your situation.

Your difficulties could help you understand other with difficulties better.

I would try to get the room first. That helps with the sleep situation.

There is such a thing as a sound machine you can put by your nightstand, that can help block out noise that's outside the door. A box fan. or other kind of fan, can help.

If you can get the room, get your sleep, get out of the house to go to a volunteer situation, you will be out of the house, during the day, sleep in your room at night, and start again the next day.

The key is getting the room. Be positive.

Let us know what happens.

Your choices Evelyn, but it sure seems like your big brother has brought YOU down. Just saying.

I hope that things get better.

Hugs, Karen...

Thanks Trina,

I actually moved out when I was 19 too. Those years were the happiest days in my life. I had made the mistake of going back home again.

Now I know, there are no hopes for family reconciliation. I will get myself a job, get stablized and then out I will go again. Out to be independent and feel kind again.

Those who are reading this, pray for me please. Thank you.

Thanks Myself 09,

I understand the world is not about me. Really. But now I don't have the energy, and am at the lowest point of my life. There are a lot of things not within my control, I'm trying to find strength to stand on my feet again.

I'm just tired, tired of myself, tired of everything. Tired of explaining, assuming, disappointments. I know I am unreasonable and selfish...all these I know.

Believe me when I say I understand the world does not owe me anything. I know what is going on in my parents' life and why they split. I am just waiting for myself to regain strength before I find a job and move out.

Right now, I just can't. Don't even understand why I post my problem here. To get practical advice? Get sympathy? Get consolence? Get someone who gets me? All of the above?

I'm acting like a teenager and I am disgusted by it. I am an adult who should be able to support myself.

Thank you for your advice once again. Pardon my teenage rant. I understand what you mean in a positive way.

Start with a part time job, you can do this. Even if it is just a couple short days a week. It will be nice to have your own money. See a therapist, get a book. Learn to help yourself. You are stronger than you think. What you are going through actually makes you stronger. I know it doesn't feel that way right now. But you are learning and growing.

Things are going to get better, you just have to lay the track... Start by looking for part time work, or even school... You are still young enough to learn...

Peace and hugs,

Karen...