Hello to all

Welcome to Healing Well.

I feel the same way. I really do. I get up every day and it's like nobody "real" even cares. I can go outside for a walk, but I would rather have my own quiet flat to get back home to, otherwise the cycle of being fed up lingers. Because right now, I reside in a main door house with family.

Why are you depressed? Usually the first step to beating depression is to talk about why you feel depressed. Is it because you lost someone dear to you? Is it related to stress?

In my case, I feel depressed because I am not receiving support due to having autism, and numerous other annoyances that stack up. Well, it would take all day to name everything that bothers me. Keep in mind, you're not the only one who hates their job - plenty of folk would probably rather be doing something else, but it's a way to pay the bills. And I would imagine the work routine leaves you with not much time for anything more enjoyable.

Try eating healthy, at least. It helps a little bit. The minute you start binge eating junk food and consuming alcohol, your body is trapped in a constant state of depression.

I just hate being single. I think I'd be so much happier if I was in a loving relationship. But they are so common to everyone but me. At least it can feel that way. Not doing anything either means I cannot overcome this without help.

Ed:

Welcome to the forum.

When asked above "Why are you depressed" by Peter A., you said,

"It may just be what I perceive as a constant stream of bad luck to where I've lost all my confidence, motivation and the will to keep trying make things better. Similar to being beat down to the point where you can't get up anymore"

What is your "stream of bad luck?" I want to compare it with mine, point by point." Dueling depression.

(Although I'm taking an anti-depressant and I'm not depressed anymore.)

Welcome to the forum

Are you going to therapy, seeing a doc?

WhaT skills do you use?

My best daily skill is mindfulness.

Peace
Trina

Trina,

No therapy at all. Going to a physical doctor in Feb get on a new diet and exercise program. I quit smoking 6 months ago after 40 years so I'm rebounding physically.

I've read about mindfulness. My problem getting, and keeping positive thinking. I think the biggest help for me is to be around people that actually wish to listen to what I have to say. Outside of my job, I don't have a live person to talk to. That reinforcement would help things greatly.

Thank you. I will check them out.

You made think of one little moment with an acquaintance of mine a few years ago. I ran into him at a little event one and he stuck his hand out and said "How are ya?". Before I could even get a syllable out, he say, "Good, great to hear it.". I was dumbfounded and realized that he really didn't care at all. I had another acquaintance tell me that "Gimme your number and we'll get together for wings". 8 years later, I'm still waiting. A lot of episodes like those I just mentioned are common.

You and I seem to have a similar situation.

You say: “My job, as far as what I do, is not a real problem. It's when I'm not working is when things turn bad. Which points to being more social after work. However, this points back my previous paragraph about the bad luck. No matter much effort I put forth, the results are always the same.”

OK, job is no problem. It’s the social life afterwards that you said is the problem.

But then in your second post you said, “. I think the two main (problem) areas for me is socially and professionally.”

Then you say, “It just seems that no matter how hard I work or, go beyond the norm to get things done, I always seem to get undercut by people. I basically get run out of the building either by own frustration or, someone makes up something to get out the door. This has been a pattern for about 25 years now.”

There are a lot of similarities between your life and mine.

One thing we have in common, also, is that we both have mental illnesses. You have depression, I have bipolar. So, when we congregate, at work or after work, this factor is in play. When we’re by ourselves, it comes into play.

So I think we have to take things into perspective. We are a mentally ill person who has a job, so they’re going to be problems.

Most or basically all of the other people at work do not have mental illnesses. We’re going to run into some rough times.

You said, ““It just seems that no matter how hard I work or, go beyond the norm to get things done, I always seem to get undercut by people. I basically get run out of the building either by own frustration or, someone makes up something to get out the door.”

OK, I told you before hearing your problem, I would match you point for point. Here goes.

My wife died 7 years ago. I am now a 1. senior citizen with 2. emotional problems 3. living by myself.

So I am now vulnerable. You said, “I basically get run out of the building either by own frustration or, someone makes up something to get out the door.” So I don’t have to tell you what I’ve been going through.

So our common connection, again, is we have mental illnesses, we live alone, and we are both senior citizens. And we both have the same complaints.

I told you I could match you point for point.

You have a company coming after you, I have an entire neighborhood coming after me. I’ve counted them, there are 3 pathological houses in my neighborhood that are coming after me for the last 8 years.

Safety in numbers, but we don’t have any numbers, we live by ourselves. Marriage is not always the easiest thing, either.

So, in a way, it’s life that is the difficulty, and having a mental illness makes it even more difficult.

You said, “My problem getting, and keeping positive thinking.” I was negative, too, and the I ran across a col. on being positive before going into a problem, and I realized I was neg. unconsciously, from childhood training or bipolar or both.

So, now I say, “One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem.”

You say, no male or female friends. I’ve found that guys don’t want to guys about a whole lot, and women are just looking for a marriage partner or they don’t have anything to do with you. So, that’s kinda common.

If you found a woman who wanted to talk, and you didn’t marry her, she would be writing in to a help line saying, “I’ve talked to him for a year and he still doesn’t want to get married.” There is no gray area with women. They do not simply want to talk.

Same with men. So what is the point with talking with men? What is the point of talking with women? There has to be a point. I was like you, I wanted to talk. I had a guy I talked to, he was a homosexual.

What was the point? If there is no long term relationship, neither one of them wants to talk.

Also, regular people are not therapists. And the only reason the therapists are listening to you is because they are getting paid for it. I know, it’s hard to take.

I had similar problems as what you are experiencing, so I have an idea to what you’re going through. I was neither macho or fem, I was stuck in the middle, which in a way is not so bad. I didn’t really want to be fem, macho would land me in the burbs with a wife and children, and a tough job to support all of that.

So, in the long run, being in the middle was OK. I just didn’t know it.

Do you have hobbies? Can you volunteer on your days off, walking a dog at a kennel, or volunteer in a hospital, or a senior citizens home. Those people will talk to you. They’re looking for someone to talk to like you are. And there is a point: both of you are lonely.

Do you have any hobbies?

I thought I could match you point for point. Learn to appreciate what you have. Learn to be positive. Learn to help somebody who is weaker, and it will take your mind off of your troubles.

I do intend on beating this though. I refuse to accept that I will always be like this.

Thank you for the kind words. As I sit here on Christmas Eve, I really hope that I can regain my confidence and motivation again. They've been gone for such a long time. Many times it's tough to keep going and to just plain give up on trying anymore. That's my biggest thing. It's the "why bother" mindset. Hope I can change that soon.

TT,
I am so glad to hear you have a person that comes in to help.

No have the independence to get out and about is devastating for many people.

My mother in law, pretty much refuses to leave the house except for doctors.

Humans are social animals and as such conversations are our best medicine.

Peace
Trina

A brief follow up on how things have been going. For the most part, pretty good as I was able to get out and be social a little bit lately because I've gotten some rare 3-day weekends. Especially on Christmas Day when I rode to visit an old friend of 40 years. Did a lot of good. Even more so being that I was feeling really anxious prior to deciding to drive the 1-1/2 hours there. Having someone to talk to face to face does wonders for me. I just wish it would happen more. I honestly think that being able to talk to people more face to face in a non-professional atmosphere would really help me out. Trust me, I do notice the difference. These days of electronic virtual friends just doesn't cut it for me.

I admit that the last couple hours have not been very good. We had 7 inches of snow last night and tonight's temp is going to be in single digits. Normally, that's nothing to concerned about. However, I can't stop thinking about a couple stray dogs in my little neighborhood. I would like to find them and help them but I won't be able to keep them afterward. It's a very awkward feeling right now.

Ed,

Glad to hear you have been getting some time off and socializing. That is good news.

As for the strays, I feel your frustration and anguish. But even if the dogs would come to you, and you kept them till when, someone took them to the pound, or you actively looked for a home for them?

Either way, it is HARD on your emotional balance. They could run away again. A lot of strays, do that. Fear keeps them on the streets, it is what they know.

Your heart would break taking them to the pound.

Best, you pray, meditation send positive energy out, what you do to balance.

All can not be saved. Your mental health and living situation has to be considered first. There is nothing wrong in this. Try hard to give yourself some compassion.

I say these things, because I have had decades experience in animal rescue. The only thing more heart breaking would be working with homeless or abuse children I think. I finally have to give the rescue work. It became so overwhelming with my complex PTSD, that I could not function.

I hope I helped you.

Peace
Trina

Ed,

Glad to see you are making strides to reach out for personal contact, and that you see what the situation is.

I like dogs, also, and have one, and that most of my contact with living beings. I take the dog for a daily walk, and from time to time see and sometimes get a chance to talk with human beings, some who become my friends. But it's through the dog.

Can you adopt a dog from the local kennel? Can you, on weekends when you're not working, volunteer at a kennel to walk a dog, or something like that?

Can you get someone from a home health care agency, or home help group, to come in for a few hours on a weekend day and basically just have conversation? They can do some light housework.

I do that for health problems I have, and get a lot of good conversations out of it, or a lot of help around the house or running errands (groceries), so you can't loose.

You gotta watch out, people like you and I can be our own worse enemies. Staying cloistered up in our house, wondering why somebody is not helping us. And really, living the life we want: seclusion, but wanting to complain about it at the same time, our favorite game.

There is a saying, "The person you have to worry about is the one you have to look at in the mirror every morning."

You're looking for help yourself, is there anyone you can help, senior citizens home, dog pound, hospital volunteer on weekends? I found a kids bike that had been stolen and was in a park, gave it to woman who helped kids in a project, and through that, made some good friends. I never met a good friend sitting on my couch.

Get involved in helping someone, and watch who gets helped.

There is a saying on the site that says, "Love is like a magic penny, keep it and you won't have any, lend it, spend it, give it away, and it will comeback to you some day."

You keeping your magic penny, and you think you're one cent richer. When you volunteer or assist someone, you don't ask for help or friendship, you give it.

Your horrible personality doesn't matter. It's your willingness to help that they notice, and that others passed them by, but that you didn't.

You're shortchanging those people, that's right. You're also short changing someone else.