My only reason for living

I am finally out of this traumatic experience, I finally have my happiness and motivation back to me again, and I do not need any medication. But this packet is still important for you to be aware of in case there ever comes a time again where I have depression and lose my motivation, happiness, and inspiration again.

My happiness, enjoyment, inspiration, and motivation is the only experience that makes everything in my life worth living for. As long as I struggle from depression, misery, and anhedonia that takes this experience away from me, then I have nothing left to make my life worth living.

There are a number of factors that can take this experience away from me. One of these factors are traumatic experiences in your life. Another is brain damage due to a stroke, lack of circulation, autoimmune diseases attacking the brain, heart attacks, the development of clinical depression that is ongoing, etc. So that is why I have to make sure I am as healthy as possible since this is the only experience I have to make my life worth living.

Many people would tell me that my life can still have worth, joy, motivation, inspiration, etc. even while in a depressed state and even while you have brain damage that has rendered you completely anhedonic. This is not the case for me at all. When I am depressed and anhedonic, then it is like I am nothing more than a lifeless statue set in motion living my life and doing my hobbies. As a matter of fact, depression and misery are far worse than anhedonia since they are horrible crippled states of being.

That is no way to live and that is no way to do my hobbies. There is literally no joy, worth, value, happiness, motivation, etc. in such a life for me. It has nothing to do with my attitude and my way of thinking. This is what this experience truly is for me. It is no different than physical pain.

Pain is still painful regardless of your attitude and your way of thinking. Therefore, a life of depression and anhedonia will always be a joyless, empty, worthless life for me regardless of what I do, how I think, and what attitude I have.

It really is complete nonsense for anyone out there to say that my life can still be worth living while I am depressed and anhedonic. I know that they are trying to help me and all, but it just isn't true. My life needs actual joy, happiness, enjoyment, motivation, and inspiration--not just thoughts and attitudes which will do nothing for me. Really, that is no different than a blind and deaf person thinking to his/herself that he/she still has sight and hearing.

Telling his/herself that will not give him/her actual sight and hearing. They are nothing more than words and phrases (thoughts). But these thoughts do not contain the actual experience of sight and hearing for this person. This analogue also applies when I am depressed and anhedonic.

No amount of telling myself or attitudes will give my life actual joy, worth, happiness, inspiration, and motivation since these are nothing more than words and phrases (thoughts) that will not give me actual joy, worth, inspiration, happiness, and motivation.

Everyone is different and everyone's experiences are different. For some people, being happy and enjoying their lives is the only experience they truly have to make their lives worth living. It has nothing to do with being spoiled, childish, and selfish like most cruel inconsiderate people out there in the world would claim.

That would be judgmental and disrespectful of them to say that to me. I would respect them and not judge them for the things that give their lives worth and joy since I am a respectful person. Therefore, I should earn the same respect since I am a kind person who isn't cruel and doesn't harm and torture other innocent people.

Therefore, my happiness and enjoyment is the only experience I have to make my life and all my hobbies worth living and we need to do all we can to preserve, protect, and keep this experience alive and healthy in my life.

Even if we are depressed, there is still going to be a day here and there that we aren't feeling the joy and happiness. That is life. But life is always still worth living. Even when we are depressed, though when we are depressed we don't feel it is. We are the same person depressed or not. The trick is to keep loving yourself. Knowing you are a worthy person, though you don't feel it at that time.

Try taking life one day at a time and learn to live in that specific moment. No worry of the past or future. Do things that make you feel good and happy.

I am glad you are finding what works for you. Like you say, we are all different. The things I am telling you are what has helped me. Especially living in the moment. Maybe it would work on the not so good days. I hope you have all good days though.

I understand how you might feel that way now, but I hope that if you find yourself depressed and anhedonic that you will remember it passes, and you can, and will, feel joy again.

SM

I am glad you are feeling better.

I hope in this light, that you find coping skills and the realization that darkness may come, however you are strong enough to make it through!

Depression never has to 'have' us, we has the diagnosis, but we control 'IT' not the other way around.

Coping skills are a big part of the control.

Wish you continued peace and joy
Trina