Loss of my mother

I'm trying my best to get through the loss of my mom. She passed 2 weeks tomorrow. I lost my husband, will be 9 years in July. I've never felt so alone. Any suggestions on how I can get through this difficult time? No one can replace your mom.

I can more relate to this with the passing of my dad.

I was devastated. One, I wasn't used to someone dying in my family, it always happened in someone else's family.

2, I was in no way prepared for it. He had some health problems, but nothing suggested something like that.

It unnerved me, also, in that for the first time I began thinking, "I'm next."

I was so shook, I went to my general practitioner about that, and he said, "Dying is the easiest thing you'll ever do."

So, it was a step in life that's gonna happen. Like going from childhood to adulthood, knowing what all happens in adulthood and how rough it can be.

But would we want it any other way? Would we really want to stay a child forever? No, not that either. So, it's not always a choice, it's something that is forced on us in the stepping stone of life. My adulthood was very tough, as could be envisioned. But there is no choice. You have to go into adulthood.

And then one thing that happens in adulthood, is that the previous generation passes away. And then we pass away. But would we really want to live forever?

So there's tough situations all along.

The fact that you and your mother were obviously vey close is a good thing.

I got a lot into family history after my dad passed away, because

1. I was upset that I didn't write down his stories, and

2. I didn't want any more family history to get away, seeing how many of my dad's memories had gotten away.

I've worked off and on for many years on family history since then.

Would it help to write down some of your mother's memories? On some of the conversations you had with her, and some of the experiences she had?

And maybe some of your own memories of your life?

I take great comfort in the albums I wrote about my dad, having just sent one of those albums out at Christmas, with another one ready to go now. I have a better appreciation and understanding of my dad through that, reading his quotes and what I remembered about him.

It can help you form a better perspective of your loved one.

I am sorry for your loss.

welcome to the forum

Sincere condolences, you are not alone.

Depression is a natural reaction to loss of a beloved person.

I won't try and pretend what I will suggest is not heard, but it all takes time to heal and grief and we all do it in our own way. Just stay safe, if you can not, seek help.

-try to find ways to celebrate your Moms life. Plant her favorite flowers or bushes in your yard,
around the patio, so in quite times you can see their beauty and think of her.

- be a mentor for a child that has no Mom. Pass the good things on that you were taught to
another young person to the spirit of your mother continues.

-Be an advocate for her favorite charity and reach to them, see what the need and if you can help.

Most important of all, love yourself, be kind to yourself,.

Peace
Trina

Hello Alice,

Nice to see you post. It has been awhile.

I Hope you are doing well and that you have a good day.

Hugs, Karen...

My mother died 2 days after my divorce was finalized. I fell into a deep depression. Luckily, I had asked a friend to move in with me for a while. She helped me with my kids and getting the house ready for sale. One day, while I was in my usual misery on the couch, she looked at me and said, "You're scaring me. Please go see a doctor." I somehow summoned the will to schedule an appointment and the doctor put me on Paxil. It made a big difference. I was still sad, still mourning her loss, but I was able to function. I wasn't 'stuck' anymore.

The year of 'firsts' was difficult. First Thanksgiving (she died in early November), First Christmas, First New Years eve, etc. My siblings and I made extra effort to be in contact. I made myself make the turkey, set up the tree, etc. I was numb, but, keeping the traditions was important for me.

The hardest part I think was eating. I had no appetite. I made it a point to set the table nicely, cook my favorite foods 3 times a week, light a candle, put on soft music, etc. The extra care went a long way in helping me to eat. Let's face it, chicken nuggets and smiley face fries might be okay for my kids, but not very appetizing for me, who didn't want to eat anything at all!

Your position in the universe has changed. It takes time to adjust to it. Be gentle with yourself. See your doctor if you feel yourself stuck.