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losing my mind?

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Posted 1/4/2006 4:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hello friends,

 

I am at wit's end. I am home from work ... again... after only a couple of hours there. I get done what I absolutely have to at least.

 

I have been having times of being unable to stop crying. I can hide out in the restroom a while but not forever. I can cover up the fact that I've been crying only to a degree, then it is so obvious and I don't want to answer to anyone about it. That happened once recently and I was mortified--and that time I actually thought I had covered up well and it wasn't noticable.

 

I have no warning, it just comes. I can't stop it and sometimes I can control it but other times I can't so I go home and hide away, sleep it off...

 

I can't live like this. I don't want to go back on depression meds; I've been off almost 6 months. I still take they Synthroid, Crestor, some Xanax...

 

I'm so sick of me

 

Nanse

Posted 1/4/2006 5:59 PM (GMT 0)
Are you getting any help learning coping mechinsims? I know that professional help has taught me life skills that I needed to cope with the many things every day life brought my way. Did you feel any different while taking the anti-d meds? I wish I could do more to help than let you know that I am here if you need to talk.
Posted 1/4/2006 6:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your reply.

I felt emotionally numb on the anti-D meds. Funny thing is, one thing in particular bothered me then--I couldn't cry! Ha. look at me go now! I appreciate your responding. coping mechs? did some CBT, REBT, found it only somewhat useful and relatively superficial. I want to fix the core and be done with it, not the emotional 'pop-ups' that come.

~~ Nanse

Posted 1/4/2006 8:06 PM (GMT 0)
Nanse
I think you might be going through withdrawls. They say that sometimes it can take up to a year to get all of the meds out of your system. It's been a little over a year for me as of now,and I'm still having them.
I know it feels like you've released a faucet once you start crying.
Maybe it's time to stop hiding it.. I know it's easier said than done,but once your family realizes that your not happy then maybe they can step in and try to cheer you up.
Posted 1/4/2006 9:40 PM (GMT 0)
I too felt numb on some of the meds I took. We have finally found one that doesn't do that yet. Not sure if it will stay this way or not, but it seems to be woring now. I can totally relate to the need to feel something atleast. While learning coping mechs, I have also addressed the core issues that trigger my depression. It is a difficult journey but well worth it. The coping mechs helped me deal with life until I was ready to go through the journey. I agree with Sassy that hiding your depression doesn't help. Letting others know what is going on helps broaden my support. I don't rely on them to cheer me up, but have found those who are willing to listen when I need to open up. They don't judge, offer help unless I ask for it, but just listen and forget.
Posted 1/5/2006 1:52 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Friend,

I agree that perhaps you haven't found the right med. I know that you feel that that is masking the bigger issue but I see it more as a way to examine your issues more clearly.

Who loves ya!!!!!
Posted 1/6/2006 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Nanse do you only cry at work? or does it happen everywhere?
Posted 1/6/2006 11:37 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you to everyone!

 

I am determined to learn how to do things meds-free and willing to do what I have to and put up with what I have to.  I'm so glad I have you all on the board for support! You're great!

 

Amanda, these things happen anytime but since it seems we are at work more than anywhere else you could say that they happen more at work, but it is not work related.

 

I received a good explanation about it involving a separation anxiety of sorts and it makes sense to me now, though I doubt I would have believed it at the time it was happening because I don't believe anything then and am bratty and stubborn .... just ask sadsunshine! (Thanks, friend, for hanging in there with me!!)

 

Journeys are not always scenic and calm, but are still interesting overall. I'll keep plodding along... lol

 

Nanse

Posted 1/6/2006 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
Always . . .anytime . . .

xo
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