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Posted 2/13/2006 3:26 AM (GMT 0)
Hey, I am new here.

Depression seems to be a chronic condition for me. It's been with me for the past 10 years or so. It just sort of comes and goes. It lurks under the surface for a while, and I feel fine, then something will happen to make it come up. I guess I am genetically pre-disposed, and then things in my environment trigger it? I don't know. That must be it, since I can't seem to get rid of it completely.

Anyway right now I am feeling so sad it hurts to breathe. I don't even know why. I guess I just feel alone. Plus February is such a crappy month...so cold and grey outside, and it seems like everyone is dying (nobody I know personally, but I keep hearing about friends' relatives dying and such). And my life is so unexciting. Nothing seems to ever happen. I feel sedated, like that guy from American Beauty. I wish I were better at making friends. I am always alone everywhere I go. I can't stand it anymore. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep forever. I will not let myself do that though. I will fail my midterms if I do that!! So I will just do my best to continue functioning. I had a hard time making myself dinner tonight. I just wanted to not eat and not care. It's so hard, but I will try hard to feel better. I will look into getting counsilling again. I tried it twice before and it didn't work, but maybe 3rd try is the charm. Anyway that's all I have to say for now. I look forward to talking to you people on here! 

Posted 2/13/2006 6:35 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Moonflower, I'm new too. I know what you mean... curling up in bed and sleeping forever sounds so good, doesn't it? I'm going through the same thing right now... and I agree that the weather doesn't help (although on a sunny day I feel guilty for wanting to stay in bed anyway - lol). Even doing the smallest tasks feels so daunting sometimes. It sounds like you are trying to be positive though ("I will not let myself do that") - a lot of the battle is just telling yourself not to give up, but I understand how hard that can be sometimes. Counselling has really helped me, so I say give it another chance. Hope you feel better.
Posted 2/13/2006 12:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Moonflower,  Welcome to Healing Well forum.  I hope that you are able to find the kind of support that you seek here.  I agree with Pixie regarding the counseling and it is good that you have some insight into this also, a lot of people dont. 

Posted 2/13/2006 2:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Moonflower, I just wanted to welcome you to the Depression forum.  You seem like your really smart.  Making yourself move and keep going is a smart choice on your part!  And so is the counseling.  I've probably been to counseling oh about 6 times now and I love my counselor.  It takes a little while, but in the end...it's worth it.  Good luck and keep us informed :)

 

Posted 2/13/2006 5:01 PM (GMT 0)
Just wondering if you are taking any meds for your depression? I know they have helped me cope with life in a more healthy way. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.
Posted 2/14/2006 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the replies! It's nice to know other people understand.

Yes I am gaining more and more insight into this, especially since I am taking a neuroscience class right now. We are actually beginning to talk about depression, and today my prof was talking about what happens in the brain when someone is depressed, and the way that drugs may or may not help with it. I can't remember everything that he said, but he was talking about how very, very important one's outlook is, and how important it is to have a certain cognitive pattern (and that it's possible to change the pattern).

So to answer the question, I am not on meds and I've decided that I don't want to go on them. I mean if it helps other people that's cool, but I believe it is possible for me to cope with natural methods. I actually think I am going to talk to my prof after class one day, not to pour out my lifestory to him or anything but just to get more information. Understanding how it works really helps for some reason.

Oh yeah and the best news: somehow I pulled through last night and put myself into a better mood. I don't really know how I did it, but it gives me confidence that I can do it next time I am in a funk. Now I need to get out of my habit of overeating. I eat pretty much constantly because I get bored/sad.
Posted 2/14/2006 2:38 PM (GMT 0)

Moonflower,  It is good to be educated on this.  I have had depression for many years and an abusive past. However, it really wasn't until I worked in the mental health field and went to school for my BA in psychology that I really had any insight into what was really going on with me.

I am glad that you were able to pull yourself through the night before.  I can do this also with slight mood changes by doing something for me like shoe shopping, reading, walking or just anything in general that makes me feel better.  Then again I do take an antidepressant and am stable on it.

I really hope that you are able to continue without medications.  Good luck......

Posted 2/14/2006 9:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Moonflower, I can really relate. I'm predisposed to depression and anxiety and some days are just unbareable. I'm trying to do this without medication since I had bad reactions to the ones I tried. If you find out of any good natural methods I would be interested in hearing about them! I hope you feel better soon. :)
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