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Are you on any anti-depressants or seing a counselor? I would strongly encourage you to seek out someone to help. If money is a problem you can try a behavorial health center or clinic. I hope you are feeling better soon.

Hi AMDragon,  I wanted to say welcome to healing well forum.  We are glad to have you.  I hope that we can provide the kind of information and support that you are looking for.

I also have had depression since I was a child due to abuse.  When I was in high school I tried cutting and other ways of harming myself but it didn't relieve any of the inner turmoil that I felt so I abandoned this idea.  I can sympathize with the feelings that you have posted as I have felt this way most of my life.  I often would have thoughts of ending my life and the only reason why I didn't was because I knew that it would absolutely kill my mother.  It sounds to me as if you have the very same situation.  I have been on antidepressants for over 12 years now.  However, there have been peroids inbetween this time when I have gone off my meds or had to quit taking them for some reason or another.  When I did these feelings always would come back and then I knew it was time to get to the doctor and get medication again. 

Please seek help from a doctor,  psychiatrist or counselor.  We are here for you.

I know.  It is a terrible feeling.  I am glad to know that you are on medications and in therapy.  You just have to hold on.  If you know that the night is a difficult time for you maybe try to set some things in place that you like to do to keep your mind occupied and engaged.  Since you just switched meds 3 weeks ago it shouldn't be too long now before you start to feel better (hopefully).  Were here for you.............

It isn't necessarily that people get better it is just that they have learned how to manage their depression.  Either it is with medications, therapy or a combination of both. This is how I control my depression.  Believe me if I went off my Effexor it would not be pretty.  You have to want to keep going.  Life is a gift that you only get to do once.  My attitude regarding it was much like yours is now.  I have had multiple sclerosis for 5 yrs and am in pain much of the time which is depressing in itself.  The weird thing was that this past august I became sick with multiple system atrophy which is an atypical type of Parkinson's disease.  The life expectancy is 7 years after diagnosis, I received my final diagnosis two weeks ago.  I have learned that I cant look forward into the future I have to live for today and make the best of it.  Just like you said one day at a time.  Life is worth the fight.  Keep fighting it.........

Thanks every one, I am feeling better all the time. I am just worried that my family (parents and sister) will hate me for being so . . . weak, I think is the word I need to use. I mean I keep quiting job and what not because of the stress it puts on me, so now they think I am the worlds biggerst quitter. At least that is the impression I get, when they talk to me, which is rare. erk. Have you all found that journal writing helps more than if you don't write in a journal?

Hi Texas Aggie,

I know that you are a regular member but you are new to the depression forum so I wanted to welcome you to our group.  We are glad to have your input.

Take care