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Posted 3/6/2006 9:45 PM (GMT 0)
hi im new to the forum, but need support! Is it a normal occurance for someone whos depressed to distant themselves from the one they love? Im in that situation now with my BF, it seems since hes gone into this low, the further he goes the more he rejects me. Hes admitted hes depressed, but wont seek help, or even talk about the whys of it. Its beginning to push me towards that brink as well. Im at a total loss as to what to do or what to say to him. Im trying to be as supportive as I can, but dont know what else I can do. Any one have any suggestions?? thank you!!!!!!!!
Posted 3/6/2006 11:58 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Angel2,

That is a very typical symptom of depression.  I was depressed for about three years.  Mine was due to a tough relationship breakup.  I pushed EVERYONE out of my life including friends and family.  I am no longer depressed and am reconnecting with the world now. 

It is extremely taxing on everyone.  He is very fortunate to have you and that you are being so supportive and seeking help for him.  He may not feel comfortable speaking to anyone about his depression because possibly he will have to face what he is depressed about.  In my case, I would have rather stay in my depressed state than to face the fact he was gone.  When I finally did face it, I let him go.  I felt so much better.  It is possible your boyfirend may not know why he is depressed at all.  It could be a chemical embalance.  Try to encourage him to get some help.  He may push you further away in the process.  Try to stay strong.  I'm sorry, I know it's hard.  He is definately not alone in the way he feels.  You could have him come here and ask questions.  Maybe he needs someone that can relate to what he's going through.  Therapy helps many, meds for others, sometimes both.  If depression is due to a loss, time cures pain as well.  But don't let it go too long.  We also remain here for you.

Kari

Posted 3/7/2006 1:00 AM (GMT 0)
hi angel2
coming from a male perspective ,its hard for us to share our feeling ,we have been programed by society to be the strong unfeeling types if you know what i mean.
i broke down in a blubering mess this morning infront of my new wife and told her how i was truely feeling. she was supportive but did not know what i was going through but said she was there for me.
all you can do is support him and encourage him to get help.
i find it easier to tell a complte stranger(ie doc)than my family how i feel.
at the moment all i want to do is hide away so this is very normal in depression.
be strong for him
regards nononespecialnz
Posted 3/7/2006 6:28 AM (GMT 0)
thank you. you know, hes pushing me away, yet theres a small part of him that wants to stay connected. we dont live together, yet he maintains contact . in the beginning it was  calls every morning every night, emails, online each day, since this has started i would say on of all days valentines day, hes gone more and more remote, online maybe 30 min we me. I know the only thing hes said is hes stressed, job wise, family wise,ect..and hes looking back in the past sooo much, digging up all the pessimistic things. One point he says hes going to the doctor..the next ..its when he has *time*. jokingly i told him hes in male menopause of going thru a midlife crisis..I do know what hes going thru the emotions and all.Ive been in a depression..but not to the extent hes in. I didnt push my loved ones away,thats whats so hard and hurts to be honest. Ive tried to explain that reliving the past is not a good thing..the past is what it is and cant be changed so to speak.That its better to look toward the future and the changes that can be made to enhance it. oh and dont worry, i'll be back on here..its good talking to people who understand my perspective of this.. just hope i can get him on here as you say, maybe it would help.
Posted 3/7/2006 1:43 PM (GMT 0)
The more depressed I am the more I do not want to be around anyone.  I think they will judge me and will just not understand what I am going through.

I have started on here to talk about depression and I have done it on other web sites.  I would not want anyone to know who I am as I would be embarrassed.  I even worry about people finding out.  I have told some people I was depressed before and thier reaction was hard for me to deal with.  I try not to tell people even if I think I can trust them.  Some people know now and I wish they didn't.

I think the best thing you can do is show him he can trust you. 

Post Edited (jjjjj) : 3/7/2006 6:47:33 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 3/7/2006 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hi angel2,  I wanted to tell you welcome to Healing Well forum.  This is a great place to find support, answers to any questions, and good feedback.  Everyone here is so helpful and kind as I see you have already found out yourself.  We are happy to add you to our group.  Take care....

Posted 3/7/2006 4:48 PM (GMT 0)
thanks jjjj..i do trust him..ive been thru alot of hurt myself in my life..and one of the hardest things ive found is to give trust. But with him i do. Guess i just want things to go back the way they were those first few months after we met and hopefully they will. Ive been trying not to pressure or *push* him on anything. I think at the mo that would just drive him further away, and i dont want that. As the old adage goes..time will tell i suppose.....
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