still depressed!!!!

I'm not totally sure what all i posted last, so im just gonna start with school! My grades are pretty good, but im starting to slack off. I'm just not all that motivated to do my work. If i pass all my classes the rest of the year, i get 2 graduate...EARLY!!! That should b motivation enough, but its not. Ugh Since i'm homeschooled, im home ALL DAY!!!! i got my licesnse a couple weeks ago, but i dont have a car yet, so i cant go ne where without asking 2 borrow tha car. & even if i could go somewhere without asking 2 borrow tha car, i have no1 2 go with.  all my friends from last year, are no longer my friends. they have all pretty much 4gotten about me & r friends with ppl at the school i used 2 go 2. I tried hanging out with 1 of them ((She was my best friend since 1st grade-10 years)) but she was with her bf. Everytime i try 2 hang out with her, shes with him or she isnt allowed. We havent hung out since...wow um i dont even know....since b4 thanksgiving  We dont really talk on tha phone & she isnt allowed on the internet right now, but when she is allowed on, we talk 4 hours at a time & its like we're still best friends. Ugh idk ne more.

Umm guy wise-  I still havent gotten over 1 of my ex's. We've tried 2 stop talking, but we always end up talking after a couple weeks. We both still like each other, but he doesnt wanna get back in2 a relationship with me, cuz we fight ALOT! Like we get along 4 a couple weeks-a couple months, then all of a sudden things r hell between us. We get in a stupid fight over something that shouldnt even matter, & stop talking.

Family wise-my mom moved out months ago & i havent seen her in a couple weeks. It kinda sucks, cuz i really miss doing mother-daughter things with her, but then again im glad she doesnt live with me ne more, cuz she was constantly yelling at me! My gma & aunt are having a really hard time paying all our bills & we've thought about moving, but cant find a house with a cheaper monthly payment than the 1 we have now.
Cutting-yea i've been doing that again lately. It seems like whenever i get really really sad//mad, thats the first thing i think about. I've done it 4 times in tha past 2 weeks! Thats like a new record. lol i havent done it that much in such a short amount of time EVER!!!! I know i shouldnt do it, but i dont care! its tha only thing that helps & well it doesnt even really help. I mean yea it takes my mind of things 4 a couple minutes, but after tha pain is gone, all my problems come right back....that might not make sense. Oh well.

ok i think i've wrote enough. haha i doubt you guys even read it all, which is fine i guess. I'm really just posting this 2 vent...if u have ne thing 2 say tho feel free 2 comment!

*Crimson_Angel*

Hi Crimson Angel,  That is such a pretty screen name.  I am glad that you came back on to post, I hope that you continue to do so.  Sometimes if you are feeling depressed or stressed it is good just to get your feelings out also we have so many kind people here willing to help or just to listen. 

Congratulations on getting your drivers license.  That is great!!  I know it can be a pain having to ask to borrow the car but just think that you wont be doing it forever.  Soon enuf you will have a car and car payment (I am sure) insurance and all the stuff that goes with it.  I cant imagine what it must be like to be home schooled.  My ex husbands sister teaches her 5 children at home.  I always thought that it would get awfully lonely and you wouldn't have the interaction that the other kids that go to regular school do.  I went to private school (catholic)  and in the 70's when I was a little kid, it was torture going to school with the nuns.  I still have nightmares...lol.  At least you will get to graduate soon.  Do you have colleges picked out?  Or are you going to college? 

Something you said about the cutting really struck me "I mean yea it takes my mind of things 4 a couple minutes, but after the pain is gone, all my problems come right back....that might not make sense."  This makes perfect sense, people who cut themselves have not learned a way to release or express their feelings.  They most often have grown up in a house hold that you didn't or weren't allowed to talk about things that were bothering you.  So, most people who cut themselves do it as a way to express their feelings but it just doesn't work because as you said as soon as you have done it and the pain is gone the problems are still there.  Do your parents know that you cut?  I dont know if counseling is an option for you but it maybe a good idea if you want to ask your parents and talk to them about what is going on.

Otherwise, we are here for you anytime you feel the need to vent.....take care