When your husbands not there for you

Never well

New Member

Joined : Mar 2006

Posts : 1

Posted 3/12/2006 3:21 AM (GMT 0)

I've never done this before. I feel weired posting this on the internet. However, there is no one else I can turn to. I stopped working due to a work injury on 4/05. Since then I had to take my employer to court to get my lost wages. The worst is that I only had friends from work and now I have none. They won't talk to me because of the pending case. The one person I truly need support from is my husband of ten years. The problem is that he either ignores me or acts like I am nagging him whenever I want to talk. I have not been the best wife in the last year. But he has not been the best husband either. On Febuary 3rd last year he spent three days in motel room with another woman. Since we have three little girls, one who is ill with sever asthma I decided to forgive him and try and work it out. Things went well for a few months, but when things got hard at work (harrasement) I attempted suicide in june of 05. In the months that followed I thought things were getting better. Now I know I should have sought treatment for my attempted suicide. I tried, but my insurance wants a 50.00 co-pay and with me not working I can't even make those. I desperatley want to get help and I know I need it. I even asked my L&I doctor for help but nothings come of it.

I have tried talking to my husband for help, but he only tells me to grow up and stop acting like a baby. I know he does not seem like the best person. But he is hispanic and grew up in the type of family you just don't talk about emotions. I guess I also fear that if I go through counseling and get better I may not be the same person who can live with a man like my husband. Does that sound insane? I love him and other than the moments when I feel like this we have had some great times. He is also a great father. I know I need to find these things out before I end up as bad as I was in June of last year, but haow can I get the help when I can't afford it?

I also am afraid that I am teaching my eight year old daughter to deal with emotions in a negativa and unhealthy way.......

els

Veteran Member

Joined : Oct 2005

Posts : 4033

Posted 3/12/2006 3:14 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Never Well, I wanted to welcome you to Healing Well forum. There are some great people here always willing to help and lend support no matter what they may be going through. So dont be afraid to post, we are here for you.

It sounds as if you are going through so much. Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there that for one reason or another can not turn to their spouses. You could be right it maybe because of his ethnic origin or it could also be how he was raised. Also some men have a much harder time communicating than women. I can just think of my dad and grandpa and neither one ever would be caught talking about feelings. Even now I cant really turn to my dad and tell him how I feel as he just kind of shuts down. Maybe they think it isn't "manly" who knows. But you should be able to talk to your husband about your thoughts and feelings. Period. That is not too much to ask. You said in your post that "you decided to forgive him" after he cheated due to your children. I wonder what your husbands responsibility was in it? Usually, when a spouse cheats it is a pretty clear sign that they want out and after the fact they can be remorseful about it. I only say this as it seems pretty clear that you do need counseling but I would say that together would be best. This way hopefully he can learn to get in touch with his feelings and learn to listen to you. Which is what you need from him most.

There are quite a few avenues that you can take if money is a problem. One you can check with local churches, sometimes they offer counseling and they even do marriage. A lot of times getting spiritual together helps. Or you can try the Samaritan Center or Division of Family Services they often will have a list of places or psychiatrists that offer their services to people with low incomes or limited resources. You can also check and see if your state has a Pathways in it or in your area. They are a behavioral health center that offers counseling at no charge. Also if these dont pan out most counseling centers will let you make payments on your co-payment especially since it is so high. You would just have to arrange it before hand. So there are quite a few options open to you.

Maybe someone else will have somemore options for you. Take care....

LizaB

Regular Member

Joined : Feb 2005

Posts : 50

Posted 4/12/2006 8:14 AM (GMT 0)

First off , hit your husband over the head with a frying pan!

Second...Laugh, find a reason to laugh.....

Third..Pick up a telephone book and start dialing, call everyone and anyone that will listen, church, doctor, local mental health clinics.. Just talk and eventually it will pay off.

I know it all sounds like so much work but if you want help all you have to do is start asking, eventually the right question will start your process.

You already made a good step by comming here.

My prayers are with you.

Liza

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