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Posted 4/25/2006 8:25 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,

     I am a first time writer.  I don't understand why I am here, but reading through some of the other topics has made me realize I am not alone.  I am 21 and have lived a pretty good life thus far, yet I have a serious issue with trusting others, especially with the opposite sex (female).  I have been told by doctors to get help for depression, yet for some reason I won't take that next step.  I know I have a problem with substance abuse that is caused by depression.  Most of the time I would rather sit at home with a bottle of booz than hang out with most of my friends.  I have big problems with group situations and a lot of the time i feel like the third or fifth wheel.  

     I have thought death before, and what it would do to my family and friends, but never considered it an issue until the other night.  I found myself on my balcony, smoking a cig, and for some reason i looked at one of the empty chairs and about stepping up on it and taking the four story plunge down to the street.  As a result, i turned all the spare chairs on my balcony upsidedown.  They remain that way because the feeling I had was so real.  It scares me.  I don't know what to do.

    

Posted 4/25/2006 1:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi jm,  Welcome to Healing Well forum...we are happy to have you. Most of us at one time or another has felt the feelings that you describe.  I wonder why you are resistant to getting help?  If you are having feelings of wanting to harm yourself or even having those thoughts then you need to get yourself to get help in one form or another.  If not wanting to hurt your family is the only thing that is holding you back from that then great...that was always my reason too why I never hurt myself.  I am going to post some websites for you to check out.  But I really think that you need to contact your physician or perhaps maybe go to your local emergency room and let them know how your feeling.... http://suicidehotlines.com/ http://suicide.com/suicidecrisiscenter/ http://suicidal.com/depressionandsuicide/
Posted 4/25/2006 11:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ya Jm,
When that thought popped into my mind, 6 years ago, it terrified me, but it made me make the first real commitment i had ever made, that i was never going to surrender, it taught me that a thought is just a thought, and by itself is not that powerful, but once we place our emotions on it, or add them to another concept in our mind that does have emotions attached, then it seems like a mighty foe,
It made me slow down my thinking, to be aware of all i could conciously,

I think you can use this, if you commit to life, and the fight, you may need to go out and make a difference to something, ie helping others, your environment, stuff like that, let your dreams be a guide to you, those things that you would like to achieve in your life,

I understand about the trust factor, at 21, what you are feeling isnt that uncommon, even those friends who seem to have lots of confidence, will feel what you are feeling, just they take the risk, if you get involved with those positive things that linger, waiting for you to get involved with, then everything else will take care of itself,

put the bottle down and turn the TV off, and think about the things that make you angry about this world, then go out and do something positive about it,
Posted 4/26/2006 6:55 AM (GMT 0)
Brown and els,
Posted 4/26/2006 6:58 AM (GMT 0)
Brown and els,
Thank you for responding, I have given great thought to going out and trying to help others and getting off of my butt. I think that would help a lot.
Posted 4/26/2006 7:08 AM (GMT 0)
sorry i keep hitting tab and space bar. I am currently seeking help from friends and made an appointment with a doctor yesterday.
Brown, I will not surrender, we have that in common. I know it is just a thought but is still scares me. When I am feeling normal most of my thoughts and ideas are great and I act on them without thinking and great things happen. It is kinda a habit to just act on them. I am just worried about that time when I have a thought about harming myself that I will just act on it.
I was wondering if there is any advise you can give me on dealing with the mood swings I have recently been facing? One day I feel great and the next i don't want to get out of bed.
Posted 4/26/2006 9:08 AM (GMT 0)
jm,

if you can try and get spirtual that might help a little if you can prey to god and ask his help in the times when you get low or scared, helps me a lot.

I thought of suiside too, but family was not what i was concered about, it was GOD and my faith which makes me strong i still think about suside every other day but i ignore it. Don't be scared if you have suiside thoughts, i am sure there is many many people who had the same thougts , some actually did it, most don't, you have to get over it

Don't be afraid to seek help from a psyciatres they are there to help you.

Good luck to you
Posted 4/26/2006 2:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hi jm,  Thank you for replying...I am so glad you made an appointment with a doctor.  That is the first step and one of the biggest ones to take.  You ask for advice on mood swings, and this type of behavior is typical of depression.  I am SO moody when depressed more so than just normal female mood swings..lol! and easily I can lay in bed all day or on my couch in my pj's staring at the TV, which is not my normal behavior.  But brownleaf touched on the one thing that is most likely a big contributor to these feelings of yours and that would be your drinking.  I was wondering from your first post if you considered drinking your substance abuse or were you referring to something else?  Anyway, you feel like your drinking to feel better from the depression but in actuality it is making it 10 times worse.  Please do let us know how your appointment goes....
Posted 4/26/2006 6:17 PM (GMT 0)
Good advise Els,

Alcohol is a depressant... probably not a good idea for those of us who are depressed. Kudos for the doctor's appointment... you DO need it and it WILL help you. Even if you only learn that your Doc is an idiot... It's something. Good luck and keep us updated.

Honey
Posted 4/27/2006 4:50 AM (GMT 0)
Akram,
i have really am really glad you bring up god. I was confirmed 3 years ago and have been to church about 3 times since then. I was actually thinking i should go back, and try to pursure my faith. Your words only help that idea.

Els,
You hit the nail on the head. For the past three years I have not had a problem with alcohol, not to say i never consumed. My major problem and "anti depressant" was marijuanna. I realized that it was not really helping with my problem, just shielding it from me. I quit about a month ago. My major problem right now is I am so used to being in that mind set to go to sleep. I haven't had a good night sleep in weeks. That is when I turned to alcohol. I am just worried that I won't be able to function in society without sleep, and the last time I went sober was for a month. Not a lie, I was not able to sleep for 5 straight days. It was the worst feeling of my life. I am looking up though. I can't wait for my appointment with the doc, I think there will be at least some form of answer, in the form of counseling or anything.

Honey,
Thank you for replying. Like i was saying, i am looking forward to the doctor visit. I will try to get something out of it. I really really want help and for the first time in my life I am actually not scared to reach out for help.

Thank you all!!
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