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Hello My name is Daniel and I am depressed.....

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Posted 5/3/2006 11:20 PM (GMT 0)
I am new to this forum and let me tell you I am thrilled to see that there are sites such as this where one is able to express oneself and get good advice from others.. many of which are in the same boat as I am in.....

I came here at the request of a friend who honestly told me that another site that i post on (club related site whom i write for extensivly) that just because I know these poeple doesnt mean they care to hear my issues.... so here goes

1.  I am a 28 year old cuban jew living in miami with him single mom and sister. Never left the house.. that is one reason I am depressed. I feel like this is a hindrance to my social development and my ability to forge a romantic relationship with a woman. Mind you moving out is not as easy as it seems just a few months ago i declared Chapter 11 Bankrupcy because the compiliation of my student loans and CC were out of control.. Thus, I cannot move out on my own because i have nil credit. IF i do i need a roomate.... not an easy thing

2.  I have been working at the same job..... for  5 years a position I never would have thoght that I would ever do... basically a desk paper pushing job.... I graduated top of my class Magna Cum Laude from a State University  and then went on to University of Miami School of Law where i proceeded to have a nervous breakdown and had to dropout...... the hardest and costliest decision of my life. I am basically just going through the motions right now....Whether its lazyness or just plain fear of quitting and getting the job and pay I truly deserve i do not know.....

3. I have never had a girlfriend. this is perhaps the hardest pill to swallow.  and quite frankly this confuses me... Physically I am a really thin guy with glasses (u know the typical nerd look) but if u know me i am anything but that.... I am extremely romantic, an avid writer (poetry/club reviews/interviews)... I am extremely sociable. I have become very well known in the Miami nightlife scene for my writeups and I am highly respected.

what is the problem u may ask?  you may think a guy surrounded by gorgoues women every weekend woulld have no issues.....

Oh yes but there is....... I dont like the fakeness of the scene. the women and Miami in general... Would i love to get laid .. sure any guy does but that is not a goal of mine. if that was that would be pretty sad... I love the music.... i love the company of others with similar interests. and I thought by encircling myself with those with similar interests I would find a girlfriend that much easier....... WRONG....

4. All my friends are women----this is a double edged sword.... I am always surrounded by ladies but they are all my "friends" (the death zone for guys)

5. I wont have one nite stands. as a result I have only been intimate with a woman on one occasion....(an embaressing revelation but truthful nonetheless)

As a result of the above I have become to pity myself..... and self loathe myself. I feel I am not good enough..... not handsome enough..... something..... I feel like at the age of 28 I should be married.... all my high school buddies have recently gotten married and Ive had the honor of attending all their weddings....

NOW THIS IS TOUGH... u have to be happy for them but at teh same time im dying inside saying why cant that be me.....

I am bored I feel like my life is at a crossroads but im standing still in the center of the road comatosed......

any help would be appreciated

MrDannyboy

 

Post Edited (MrDannyboy) : 5/3/2006 5:54:58 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/4/2006 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
do u think that gettting a girlfriend would solve everything? I dont think it would, u need 2 decide what u want and whats good for u before u bring some1 else in2 the scene. ps. not somthing a lot of guys know but...most girls dont go for looks. They go for personality. which u seem to have alot of. So remember...confidence is the key ;o)
gd luck

Judi
Posted 5/4/2006 9:10 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Ya Daniel.
I agree with Judi, A girlfriend is not going to solve your problems, but working on yourself, and the things you know you need to do, make an effort to fing a job that is more relative to your skills, start getting out of the house, join some clubs doing something you like and/or would like to do, maybe you may even meet a young lady there, but having this concern about not having a girlfriend is going to scare them away before you even say anything,
I understand having lots of Women as friends, but that is irrelevent as far as issues go, women don't take them away for you, and i doubt many Women want to act the Saviour, but when you find some confidence in yourself and keep that sense of self when you are with them, then i think you wont have a problem, in the mean time enjoy their company, because this is where they are God's gift, personally i would take my close Women friends over any romantic relationship anyday, but i'm older and pretty much content with that side of my life
Posted 5/4/2006 1:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Daniel,  I wanted to welcome you to Healing Well forum.  We are glad to have you join us.  You sound like a very nice guy and quite intelligent so I don't see the relationship thing as being a problem for you for a lifetime.  Somethings I have learned in my vast 32 yrs is 1) relationships that start in bars or clubs rarely ever last 2) you cant go looking for love 3) appearing desperate is a turn off to girls (just be yourself).  Don't worry about your looks at all, I have always been attracted to the brainy looking guys while my girlfriends go for the guys with muscles and no brains...lol.   Relax and I am sure that the perfect girl for you will come along in no time.  So what if you live with your mom and sister, you have to do what you gotta do...you know this.  It gives you a huge break to get caught up on your student loans (know you can file bankruptcy on them) and rebuild your credit.  Once you start to make good on those loans it will go much faster.  You will be out of there before you know it.  So think of it as a positive instead of a negative.  Any girl or potential girlfriend who is worth being with long term will understand your position.  Trust me. I hope you do continue to post, we would love to hear more from you....take care
Posted 5/4/2006 2:08 PM (GMT 0)
thanks everyone for your feedback.. It pretty much goes without saying that most people i talk to tell me the same thing..

1. u cant look for love..

2. dont seem desperate.

i know they are right..

what irks me the most is that its not necessarily the fact that i want to recieve love and romantic attention from a female but rather i feel esp at this stage in my life that i want to give love to another.. I feel as if im empty because im unable to do so...

anyways thaks for your feedback

 my myspace page is this..... add me as a friend ;) cant have enough friends

http://www.myspace.com/reviewjunkie

 

Post Edited (MrDannyboy) : 5/4/2006 8:17:46 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/4/2006 2:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Danny,  Were you reading my mind??  Thanks for taking that one off.....talk to ya later.....
Posted 5/4/2006 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
Danny, I have thought about this some and have came back to your post as you seem like such a nice person and I felt bad.  I am not the best one to be giving out love advice as my track record with men is less than stellar.  I know what you mean when you say that you want to give love to another not receive it so much.  I always thought of myself that I had so much love to give and didn't require much from another but after being married for 2 years I found out quickly that I was looking at it wrong.  I deserved and still do to have someone love me with every fiber of their being.  To be the only one they think about and want.  And so do you.  Don't settle for less than that.  You cant rush it either.  Also, you are welcome to post some of your poetry here if you like.  We have a positive thread if ever you have anything you want to add.....
Posted 5/4/2006 6:06 PM (GMT 0)
I GUESS in a way ive always been a giver and that due to my low self esteem i dont feel like im worthy of someone loving me like you have described.. I would love it im sure but am so not used to it .. except from family of course (but romantically speaking it would catch me off guard)

i guess the jist of it is i feel like my inexeperience with women romantically has made me scared that I might not be appealing to them or that i might mess things up in that dept by seeming too needy..
Posted 5/7/2006 9:05 AM (GMT 0)
Danny, hi .. nice to meet you.

I think meeting someone who hasn't had a different girlfriend every 5 minutes is what alot of girls look for, so I wouldn't put that as a black cross next to your name.

I always used to think as long as I was making someone else happy that would make me happy, but you do have to fulfill your own needs too.

You're obviously a bright, intelligent, loving person so it could just be the fact that you're 'looking' so hard to find someone it's not happening.

as the song says.... Sometimes you walk by the good ones, coz your trying too hard, too hard to see them!

 

take care

Lyndsey x

Posted 5/7/2006 8:56 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Danny,

Welcome to the forum.  From your first post, it is clear you are truly depressed.  Have you seen a professional doctor or therapist for this?  It really sounds like you need to be on medication, or if you are taking medication, it needs to be changed because it obvisiously isn't working.

You really need to improve your self esteem.  Surround yourself with people of your own interests and ideas.  Your friends "the bar girls" are great to have, if they can fix you up with people they think you will like.  However, don't hang out with them a lot in public, or other women(potential dates) will think you are gay.  Church groups, political action committies, and charities are all good places to meet with your same interests.  On-line groups like this are also a good place to meet people with like interests.  Once you realize you are not the only person out there, feeling like you do, then you won't feel so alone. 

Getting out of your mother's house will be an ego boost, so I would prioritize that as goal one, even if you have to get a studio apartment or share one with other people.  You can't have a very romantic date if afterwards you have to take them home to your mom's house.  A private hole in the wall of your own is better than nothing.  You can work your way up from there.  Give yourself a break from the pressures of school.  You can always go back at a later time.  Try pursuing something related to your major that will give you a decent income.  You should also get with a free credit counselor to clean up your credit.  The past is the past, so make up a game plan to keep up and improve your credit score.  It can only go up.

Try a few of these things and let us know how you are doing.  We care.

Leigh Ann cool

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