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My brothers depression is really getting to me

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Posted 5/6/2006 1:20 AM (GMT 0)
  Hi all, I am really having a rough time dealing with my brothers depression.  I am taking meds and therapy for depression myself. He lives 2300 miles away with no other family there, so it has been my cross to bear. I have tried to help him, but it seems like he is reaching his end and I feel helpless. He does not trust doctors and is financially bad off. I feel so bad. What am I going to do? I need a miracle.
Posted 5/6/2006 10:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Ya,
I am not sure if i can offer any advice with this, I am assuming he has refused to return to where he can get some support by family members
What i am thinking is not something i would do without careful consideration, if he has a job, then you could make enquiries to see how they view depression, if they have a health officer, be discrete, but you may be able to try to have someone he works with guide him to the help he needs, the other option is trying to get him to give you some details of a friend he may feel close to, either way you will be betraying his trust and it could backfire, but if he is in a bad way, then his life is more important.
i hope someone else can offer some advice on this, as i dont feel comfy with what i have suggested
Posted 5/6/2006 1:59 PM (GMT 0)
well to me it sounds like he should be admitided to a psyciatric hospital or center, with or without his will, where they will take good care of him, this obviusly will cost money so i don't know if you can afford that.

i was taken to the hospital without my will , and my experiece was good there, offcourse depends on which hostpital you admit him to . i came in very deppressed and stuburn and came out a difirent person.
Posted 5/6/2006 2:57 PM (GMT 0)

Hi fotoartist,  Unfortunally, I really dont see anything that you can do for him other than be as supportive as possiable which I am sure you already are.  Something that struck me with your post was that you feel it is "your cross to bear" with his depression.  Perhaps, since you are going through it also and understand he feels comfortable talking to you about his feelings.  This can have its advantages and disadvantages such as, he may not talk to anyone else regarding his feelings and when he talks to you it may come out much worse than it is, like venting.  Especially if they are feelings he has been holding onto and not speaking to anyone else about.  Dont get me wrong it is great that he does talk to you, just with you being so far away it is really hard to assess the real situation.   If he has a general mistrust of doctors, then the next time you have vacation time at work take a few weeks and go visit him.  Make some appointments with a doctors and go with him to the visits.  This way you are involved in his care and he hopefully will feel that if you trust and like the doctor maybe he will too.


Post Edited (els) : 5/6/2006 9:03:01 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/6/2006 4:47 PM (GMT 0)
     Hi ,I don,t know what I could tell you or have any advice ,but I do agree with Esl what he or she said about what you could do for your brother .You take care and remember what ever you decide to do make it wise okay .God Bless you and your brother .

Posted 5/8/2006 5:43 AM (GMT 0)
 Hi all who responded, I am feeling better today and I appreciate all your words of kindness. I have been calling my brother a couple times a day to check in on him, eventhough he doesn't want to talk much sometimes. I sent him overnight mail a bottle of some bachflower remedies, prayed alot, and he actually seems a little better today. I think it was good advise to let him air his feelings, eventhough it is hard for me to listen to alot of negativity when I am fighting depression myself, but I also feel it is necessary right now to help him. I also am taking some of the remedies myself. I am going to my therapist tomorrow and will talk this over more with him. Thank you for listening to me. It helps when you know someone understands.

Posted 5/9/2006 5:23 AM (GMT 0)
Here I am again, just called my brother and he didn't want to talk. I went to therapy today, felt good when I left there, but now I just can't let go of all this fear and sadness I feel.  I have been doing better with my own depression, but this coping with my brother is putting a dark cloud on my life. It is so difficult when he won't get help. It just hurts so deeply. I had cancer last year. and I know this stress is not good for ones health. I have such mixed emotions, sad because he is so depressed, angry with him that he won't get help and in the mean time trying to keep my own emotions above water. I have a hard time drawing the line between caring about him and loosing what peace of mind I can gather up. If anyone has any advise about letting go with compassion, could you help me?

 

Posted 5/9/2006 12:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi fotoartist,  I understand what your saying it is so difficult to watch or know that someone you love and care about so much is suffering.  But....you do have to remind yourself that your brother is an adult and able to make his own decisions no matter how poor they may be at the time.  My little brother who is 28 soon to be 29 has bipolar and explosive personality disorder.  He refuses to take medication or get treatment.  I worry about him everyday.  So I can understand your concern.  Don't let his problems become yours, you can worry about about and love him and have concern for his well being without taking on his daily challenges. 

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