Help

Is there an end? i've been down... As low as i thought possible... But i'm so tired... It's been about 8 years since i've laughed... Lately... i've passed up being numb... i can't stop crying....

Hi Narianna,
Just wanted to say hello, i hope you will come back and share a little more with us, theres some good People here, who have come out the other side,
Im not sure if you mean you have just started to cry and you felt numb until then, i hope that is what you meant, if so, then thats a pretty good sign something is happing within you, and maybe the start of your healing,

Nairanna
Welcome.
I am 36. And it took me until 2 years ago to truely laugh. That was after a divorce,moving to a different town,basically changing everything around me.
I remember envying people that I heard laughing. I used to have a complete fake laugh. Covering my mouth when I laughed or making sure that it was not too loud.
Depression takes alot from you. I think in order to heal you have to figure out how to take those things back. It is probably the hardest thing anyone can do.

Sorry Y'all... i had a bit too much to drink last night and watched the Grey's Anatomy season finale... Kinda opened the faucets in my eyes... lol Anyway... Am 22 and been in therapy for 8 years... Have been diagnosed with major depression, general anxiety disorder, and PTSD... i have absolutely no idea where the PTSD came from as i've had the most normal and far from traumatic life... And i'm not just saying that, or covering up something i don't remember, or making excuses... i've had my ups and downs like every teenager does, but my parents love me and have never hurt me either mentally or physically... So i have no idea where that came from... However, i've had 2 professional psychiatric tests over the past 8 years and they both say the same thing... i looked it up online and even saw a movie not too long ago about a kid with it... All the symptoms and stuff match so i dunno... i'm thinkin it has to do mainly with the anxiety cause it seems that PTSD is mainly anxiety anyway... Anyway... lol After that ramble... It feels like i've been on every anti-depressant there is... Lexapro was the only one that ever made me feel and see a difference but then it stopped working... They have me on prozac at the moment... i've been on adderall for about 6 years and straterra for about 4 years... i know neither of those help anxiety and actually tend to worsen it but without the adderall i have no motivation whatsoever... i can't get myself out of bed when i don't have it... i go to an individual therapy session every friday (every first friday of the month is family therapy session) and every Wednesday i go to a group therapy session... All sessions with the same therapist whom i like and trust very much... i've just about always been numb for as long as i can remember... i hate emotions... Happy is wonderful but just doesn't make up for the pain of all the times Ya feel mad, sad, or scared... And i guess it's a good thing to feel the hopelessness and dread, no matter how awful they feel... Even if i hafta drink to do so... lol Anyway, so that's my story... i hope i answered all questions... Thank You all for so many replies...

Narianna:  Not feeling emotions (or wanting to feel them) and going numb has always been my specialty.  It is our protective defense as our mind/body knows that we are not yet equipped to deal with everything on our plate.  But as another member mentioned above, when this numbness starts to melt away, it is our body/minds way of saying that we are ready or need to start dealing with it at least a little bit.

I am at the point where I lost my numbness about 2 years ago.  I have had it since my childhood.  Now in my late 30's I am struggling as I do not know "what to do" with all the difficult feelings that I repressed.

Give yourself a lot of time, patience and support.  Also, perhaps try writing in a journal as a means to work through something and help yourself.  I do believe that someday we will break out of these inner walls and truly feel and experience life at its best.

Cass