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I have made a decision to have some "normal" in my life

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Posted 5/16/2006 12:32 PM (GMT 0)
I do not understand why I keep doing this to myself. I am a glutton for punishement I guess.
But,I wrote my Grandparents a letter. It was a general letter,just telling them about my new job,how my kids are doing,what we have been doing ect. I did not ASK them to write me back,nor did I put my phone number in the letter again (I have been doing that with all of my cards ect). I reminded them about my daughter's graduation too. Here is my decision,if they do not show up to her graduation,or send a card at least. Then I am walking away. I know I have to as I am reaching out to a brick wall it seems.
I know though that when something happens to them(they are 82 and 83) that I will have major guilt. I feel like I am missing out on their lives. I miss their laughs,I miss the Holiday's with them.
It seems that when I filed for divorce from my ex that my life has never been the same. Holiday's like I remember them,birthday parties ect.
I know that someday my current life will be "normal" to me. But for the last 4 years it just seems like chaos.
I used to plan everything in my life to a tee. But now it seems as if I never know what is going to happen from one day to the next.
I am getting the empty nest syndrome I think as my kids lives are so busy without me. That is to be expected I know. But life goes by so fast,and when you throw a wrench in it like divorce and moving to a smaller town....well it just seems like it will never be normal again.
I feel like I am going to wake up in 10 years with a panic attack wondering what in the world I did with my life and where will I be in another 10 years.
Posted 5/16/2006 5:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hey, i know it's hard hangin in there... It's been my experience that, with people who used to have control over life, but have lost it, tend to do best when regaining control... Regarding Your grandparents, You just have to realize that they are NOT controllable... If they feel the need to deprive themselves of the joy of You and Your children, that is their decision... i'm sure You've already thought of this and me telling You doesn't help the feelings... But, You've done everything You can and more... It's ok to be mad at them for taking away those happy family times and whatnot but try to realize that there's nothing more You can do and it's not Your fault... As for regaining control, maybe You could start by organizing? Make lists of things that need to be done and whatnot... Check them off on Your list as You finish them to give You a sense of accomplishment... Start trying to think 3 steps ahead and expect things before they happen... If Your daughter's graduation is coming up, expect to start planning on college and stuff... But when things don't go as expected, don't be surprised... Expect that also... Also, getting involved in other things (as hectic as life may seem at the moment) can also do some good... Involvement gives another aspect of control and expectations... Maybe the neighborhood beautification committee or something? Possibly even the school board where Your daughter went to school... It would give You the chance to take Your mind off the empty nest and yet still be reminded of all the good times Your daughter had in that school and how far she's come since then... Anyway, good luck...
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