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Has anyone tried this? WARNING (long and depressing)

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Posted 9/22/2006 3:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hi All-

 

I have an appointment with my neuro next week and am going to ask him about that new drug Cymbalta. The commercials say something about it not only helping with depression but also with the physical pain that goes along with it. My Lexapro doesn't seem to be working anymore. I wake up almost every morning with the same thought, why am I even trying? What is the point? Nothing ever turns out right anyway. Having lots of financial problems and trying to go to school full time, just feeling overwhelmed. My husband's ex-wife is a _ _ _ _ _(fill in the blank). I am sometimes overcome with hatred and loathing for her. She is making our lives miserable. And so I find myself letting those negative thoughts spilling over onto his two kids. I really do love them. They are cute and fun. His son has Paeder Willi and is a challenge most of the time. But I really do care about what happens to them. Hagatha, the ex, is such a horrible mother and doesn't take care of them. They are just a paycheck to her. She is one of those who knows how to work the system. She got a bogus protective order when she left him years ago and uses it to her advantage every time she can. She used it to get him out of the house for 14 days while she cleaned everything out and moved elsewhere, leaving him with nothing. Not even a fork and plate. She took everything that belonged to him before they got married and everything that was his while they were married. She took all the things he'd received for birthdays and christmas'. She broke back into the house after she'd been moved out for months and stole his sports cards he'd been collecting since he was 5 or 6 yrs. old. We have been to court three or four times because of it. My husband doesn't have a violent bone in his body. It has ended up costing us around $2500-$3000 in the last couple of years. She also owes us $2500 from a small claims award we won and has yet to pay a dime. Yet we have to pay her more child support because she went and put them on her health insurance when they already were covered on his policy. She gets a credit for it. We are living on nothing. There just never seems to be an end to this. When will karma come and bite her in the butt? She deserves to have it rain down on her. Yet it doesn't. My husband and I are good church going people. We live the way we're supposed to. She doesn't. I guess I just want some justice. confused

 

I know I'm letting this and many other things consume me. I don't want to leave the house, I don't want to go to my classes at school. I've wanted to go back to school for a long time and now that I'm there I can't seem to gain any motivation. I know that school is where I need to be. I know that it's going to help us in the long run. I've prayed about it and I know that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. So why do I feel this way? I have several bottles of pills that I've been hoarding. They keep calling to me. "It'll be so easy. You'll just fall asleep and never wake up." I know this is wrong. I've been on the other end of suicide. When I was 18, my boyfriend killed himself. He drove his car into the garage and poisoned himself with carbon monoxide. I know how much hurt and guilt goes along with being the ones left behind. I know all the questions that get asked. What could I have done? What could I have said that would have made a difference? The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing.

 

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a little bit better. I'm going to go take a shower and try and do some math homework. This post turned into a lot more that I actually intended when I started.

 

Really, thank you all. I'm so glad I found this forum, this web site. It has helped me so much.  sad

Posted 9/22/2006 4:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Seachell

Honey I'm sorry things are going this way for you right now. My son went threw pretty much the same thing with his ex-thing (we call her Jerry Springer) and he finelly gave up fighting with her so about 2 years we all collected evadence on where she lived how many times the kids changed schools, how many times she lost her utilities and pics of the kids in used dirty clothing and then we went to court. Took nearly a year to get it finel but he filed for emergency removal and got temparery custody of them with no visition for there mother right off the bat. The courts finelly seen everything and she told the judge she refuses to do anything...pay child support, go to counsling nothing the only deal she will make is give me my kids back. Needless to say my grandkids live with there father and stept mom and are very happy. Mom gets visitation one weedend a month they didn't even give her summers.

So hang in there you never know what tomorrow will bring. Sorry for rambling.

(((BIG HUGS)))

    Mskittie

Posted 9/22/2006 6:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Seechell I am sorry that you are going through this pain, I hope the Dr lets you try something that will help you feel less overwhelmed, hopefully the cymbalta will help you. Have you talked to your therapist about the overwhelmed conditions that you are living in at this time? Your therapist may be able to suggest some exercises for you to help you stay calmer, Take care seechell and have a good weekend, hopefully things will get better soon with the medication change. Phoelona
Posted 9/22/2006 6:10 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Kittie-

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I've told you before and I'll tell you again, you're awesome.

His daughter turns twelve in November and we are going to ask her if she wants to come and live with us. She has been the mother to her little brother for so long that she needs a break. She needs to be here with us and spread her wings. She does everything for him, feeds him, helps him with all his chores and tasks because Hagatha has enabled him. He thinks he can't do anything by himself and cries. I think it will be good for him to be away from his sister and gain some confidence and independance. We would of course help him along this road since no one else will. Her two oldest, who are not my hubby's, are juvenile delinquents, don't attend school, have been in and out of juvy jail, are mean and violent to Jake and the oldest daughter is pregnant. They live in a two bedroom house and when the baby is born there will be 4 in one room and 2 in the other. Like mother, like daughter. The 4 kids have three different dads. She had her oldest when she was 16 too, and has run all over the system ever since. She is filthy, the house is filthy and the kids are filthy. We called DCFS and someone alerted her and she had a friend go over and help her clean the house. They also have a dog and 9-10 cats. I've called animal services on her and nothing seems to help. We are trying very hard to document everything she does. She even used my hubby's health insurance almost a year after she was off of it after the divorce! I have that evidence too.

I'm glad your grandkids are doing well. Every child deserves a stable home, someone who cares about them and will be there for them, no matter what.

I'm just consumed lately with wanting revenge. I want to go over there and beat her face in. I'm so full of hatred. I know it's poison. I know it's hurting me. But how do I get rid of it?

I'm hoping that a change in depression meds will do the trick. I just need a break.

If you ever need to talk, you know where I am. I'll be more than happy to listen to you. 

Thanks again,

 

Posted 9/22/2006 6:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Phoelona-

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm actually taking a stress management class at school. LOL! I'm trying to listen to my professor and he has a lot of relaxation techniques that do help, but it still doesn't get rid of the feelings that are there. Hopefully as the semester moves along, he'll give us tips on how to change my thought processes. I really need that. I've thought about going to a therapist, I have a name and everything. The thing is it will cost me $20 a session for the first 10 visits, then $30 for visits 11-20 and then $40 for all other visits. This is through our insurance and those are the co-pays. I know I'm lucky to have the insurance because so many don't, but gee whiz. I don't have the $$$. So, I'll trudge along.

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