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Posted 9/26/2006 6:11 AM (GMT 0)
Hi people, I cannot find the answer to my question in any books or on the web, so I thought I would try and ask all of you whom have shared my disease. Forgive me if this has been discussed before, as I could'nt locate it.

Is there a name or any correlation between feelings of disconnection and survivng suicidal/severe depression tendancies?

Let me elaborate. I feel into a deep depression about a year and a half ago. The girlfreind I was dating for about two years (bah! I was ready to spend the rest of my life with her) dumped me when I confided in her I started to cut myself. I lost my job, the already weak relationships I had with my family, the people who I thought were my freinds, and any solace I found in religion. I spend months in my room numb, oversleeping, undereating, shut away watching the days bleed into weeks bleed into months. A person cannot live in this sort of enviorment indefinately, and after a while I started to think more and more about suicide. This led to three seperate suicide attempts, a half bottle of sleeping pills, then a whole bottle, then a hose inside the cab of my car connected to the tailpipe and an epiphany. After suicide attempt number three, ( heavy traffic in a normally isolated area plus a tear in the duct tape) I no longer could believe it was sheer dumb luck that my hide was still alive, that maybe the God I abandoned did not abandon me in return. Over the course of the year, little by little, I climbed out of the hell-hole that is depression and now consider myslef a better person for the experience, if only a bit more somber and contemplative. I have only one problem, or in this case, question: Why do I still feel disconnected from those around me? I dont think I'm depressed any more, I dont cut myself now, I have a good job and can laugh without a heavy heart. But its still there. Like I'm an observer, an outsider, better suited to comment on or wax poetically about normal human interaction rather than partake in it. I've tried to get close to other people since this, but one by one they drift away, and I'm beggining to think I dont let people get in close anymore subconsiously. Is there a name for this? What do I call it and is it even related to suicidal depression? Any feedback (er.... POSITIVE feedback) or like experiences would be appreciated. Thanks for reading this wall of text.                                                       

                                                                                                 Kyle 

Posted 9/26/2006 12:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kyle,

You know what, after all that you've been through it doesn't surprise me that you feel disconnected. What you went through was life-altering (and, thank goodness, in the long run life-affirming). Much that goes on in everyday life probably seems very incidental to you now. It sounds to me like it might be like post-traumatic stress disorder in that way -- and I do believe that you've been through a trauma -- or series of them -- with this. Dissociation is something that's recognised as a symptom of that. I also think that that amount of trauma can affect a person's brain chemistry and that it takes a while, or even meds, to help correct that. So whether it's your subconscious defense mechanisms or a chemical alteration, it does sound like you could do with some therapy to help you back. You're definitely a survivor -- but sometimes survivors need help to put what they've survived behind them, because ultimately survival is as much about what happens after the event(s) as it is about the event(s) it/themselves.

Rosie x
Posted 9/26/2006 1:53 PM (GMT 0)
I ditto Rosie re post traumatic stress.  What an amazing story, particularly your come back to work and social areas.  Perhaps you are ready now to deal with the difficult past... hopefully to discover a current purpose and contribution.

I admire your courage and attitude!  Let us hear from you  :-)

Posted 9/26/2006 2:32 PM (GMT 0)
i was reed you story and i think you need begin new live, now you was find a god jub and i think you find a girfrend, so nothing worry about this
Posted 9/26/2006 2:35 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Kyle, First let me welcome you to Healing Well forum, we are happy to have you join us here.

I agree with Rosie on a lot of levels that you could perhaps be dealing with some PTSD but normally this presents in people who have had negative things, or past experiences happen to them.  However, you didn’t mention getting anxious or having any flashbacks which is usually what makes up Post Traumatic Stress.  In deed it seems that you do have a most positive attitude about your situation and purpose in life according to your post.

Most people who have depression do feel a disconnect from peers, co-workers and even family.  One of the reasons is that depression is still not widely discussed in social circles even though over half the population in the US is taking an antidepressant.  People don’t want to be "labeled" as they would have been 20 or 30 years ago as crazy.  And in your case I can totally understand it since you confided in your girlfriend and she broke up with you...so you are really going to be unsure of others who don’t know you as well reactions to it.  So, you keep that part of yourself locked up and put away, very private.

You didn’t mention in your post how you were able to over come it.  But I think it bears mentioning that Depression of any kind has the potential to get to a point of suicidal thoughts and attempts.  That is why it is so very important to seek treatment from a psychiatrist and counselor and assess different treatment options that are right for you.  This way you can learn problem solving techniques for future episodes, and recognize the signs and symptoms of it before it hopefully gets too bad.

Please know that we are always here and this is a wonderful site for information and support....Take care
Posted 9/26/2006 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hello pasenger. I have Post Traumatic Stress. Like yourself I had a traumatic event that has caused flashbacks, panic attacks, depression, and disassocialtion many times from threatening people (disassociation mentally) when I felt threatened by another person physically or mentally. I did not realize that this was happening until some time later, after the traumatic incident that I was actually becoming disassociated with certain people socially, and mentally protecting myself through disassociation, so that certain people could not hurt me emotionally. There is help for this problem since a lot of people who have survived traumatic events disassociate it is not uncommon, it is a protective mechanism to protect yourself from emotional harm. It is like a wall but on an unconsciuos level at times. It does not always happen immediately. I hope that you find a good counselor to work with you, it makes a big difference. I hope the very best for you, since I have been through the same feeling. Take care Phoelona
Posted 9/27/2006 3:32 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the information people, much obliged.
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