Lost

hi i just came across this site on my travels thought i would see if anyone could help me at all. i'm 21 and pretty much lost as the subject of the thread suggests. I feel that I may be depressed but I don't know what to do about it because part of me thinks i am only attention seeking and there is nothing wrong with me at all. I feel so bad all the time I can stand to look at myself in the mirror and i feel like i am the scum of the earth all the time. i am forever punching walls and scraping my hands with my nails and stuff just cos i want to feel pain so i don't have to be thinking all i can feel is the pain. this weekend was the worst of all, i told my friend (a girl like me) that i liked her as more than a friend but im pretty sure i don't. i just wanted someone to care about me or something i don't really know what it was but she won't talk to me now, i think she hates me and to be honest i don't blame her. i can't stand the sight of myself so why should she. I just feel like everyone should hate me cos that is all i deserve and I have no reason to feel like this even cos I have not had anything bad happen to me like losing a loved one or having a tragedy happen me. I just feel like a fraud and that only makes me feel worse about myself. So just wondered if any of ye can tell if thats really depression or am i just an attention seeker cos i feel that maybe i am. ok thanks. 

My opinion...for what it's worth: this does not sound like mere attention seeking. You have some real problems to deal with. And, no, you don't have to have some sort of monumental trauma in order to feel the way you do. I've dealt with major depression and suicidal thoughts for more than half my life, without any huge traumatic events to trigger them. I mean, there seem to be roots in my childhood for some of my emotional shortcomings, but it's probably chemical (which is a drag, because I can't take antidepressant medication). And I understand your need to reach out to someone...anyone. So, yes, maybe what you did was a mistake, but don't beat yourself up. Actually, let me say that again, don't beat yourself up...in any way, shape, or form (no wall punching, okay?). And I'm sure that girl doesn't hate you. She may be confused, or unable to reciprocate the emotion, or whatever, but I'm sure in time, if she's a good friend, it'll all work out. But here's the rub, Nalsa: you MUST seek help. You've got to do it. I'm glad you posted here, it's a good start. But you need to seek out help in your area, a therapist, psychologist, maybe even just start with the family doctor. But do it, and do it fast. It sounds like you've been living with these emotions and behaviors for a while. So now's the time. Take the steps you need to get help. There are some great sites on the web that can point you in the right direction. This site has a bunch of resources. Check them out...tonight if possible. And get on the ball tomorrow. It's a new month, and a new beginning maybe. Please, don't feel like a fraud, don't give up, and don't give in. And keep checking in here, let us know how you're doing.

-Steven

P.S. A good thing to do is write down all your emotions (actually write them out on paper)...how long you've been feeling this way, how long you've been hurting yourself. Have there been changes in your sleeping patterns? Eating patterns? Again, look online. You'll find surveys you can take that deal with depression, and you can print them out if need-be...get it all out, anything you feel might be important to tell a doctor. But write it down and take it with you, that way when you're in the office for the first time, you won't get flustered or off track...you'll just need to pull out the list and read. Good luck.

Nalsa
Hi I'm sis, I'm 16 years old. I go through the same thing that you do. This is a little story about me. when i was born i was always happy and want to go out and things like that. But at the age of 12 i started thinking about thing that can not possible happen. For explain, what about if i have a power that i do not know i have, or if a person can believe they fly that they can. I couldn't go through my life without having something to worried about. In other word; i have to have something i must do to get to the next day. I hated my friends and i wish i didn't have them, i always feel left out every time. But then i couldn't keep it inside anymore and i started having break down between class. it was like my heart was on fire, i cry but didn't want anyone to see me, Life was meaningless. I tried and kill myself many time. I wrote a lot of journeys about how i feel. I wanted attention. I used to be the best dresser among my friends and somehow went down to the worst. I hated them then. But i know that i was just jealous. The best thing is not to try to stay alone in the house. Go out and talk to your friends even if you not interested in what they talking about that help to get the problem you have been putting up inside you out. when you get home talk to someone, you don't have to talk to the person about what you going through, but just talk like you care.

In my opinion the best way to get through it is by therapy.

Hi,

Nothing wrong with seeking attention. Everybody wants it and needs it. Obviously though you should not harm yourself or others when seeking attention.

Also nothing wrong with being gay. I have no idea if you are or not and am not saying you are. There could be any number of reasons why you said what you did.

Don't be hard on yourself and please don't hurt yourself.

-- MK