Why are some days so bad?

Hey Hopeful,
Sorry you are going through the wringer at the moment. I hope you get a good sleep tonight at least. You have always been helpful to me when I am down and you advice has always made sense. Take it a step at a time, I think that's what we all do on the bad days. Don't watch sad movies either - I did that a couple of weeks ago and I was in a real state for 2 days, it dragged me right down!

Was there something that triggered your bad day that you are aware of? I am not very good at offering advice, especially as I feel so inadequate myself. But know that I am thinking of you and willing you to have better days. Your belief in God and Prayer is wonderful and makes me kind of jealous in a way. I was brought up an athiest and I find it difficult to believe that there is a God. But I look at people that do believe and think it is wonderful to have such a strong connection to everything God stands for. My mom was really sick with brest cancer this year and she felt very scared and alone before her op, we were all there, but I sensed this was something deeper, and it made me very sad that there was nothing there for her to take strength from.
I assume you go to church, could you maybe go there on your down days? I suppose the hard bit is finding the motivation to get out of bed, and out the house. Do you have a friend you could call that you could off load your feelings on? They do say a problem shared is a problem halved.
The best thing I have found so far is to just go with the flow, fighting the depression on the bad days seems to make it worse, I over analise and just make matters worse. So I just accept that today is a bad one and tomorrow will be better, it has to be or what's the point.

I wish you a great nights sleep and a better day tomorrow, take care hopeful, I will be thinking of you.
Hugs
Wizzer

Hi, I am in the same boat as you. I am also looking for work and no income. And everything seems to be too overwhelming for me too. I am on Effexor right now, and that is seems to be helping a little bit. But I too, don't know what to do at times.... My doctor, tells me to stay positive, but that is hard. I believe in God, if not, I would be devastated.

I think you need some sort of medication to help you through. As you are going through a job loss and loss of income that is overwhelming you at this point.....

hopeful,

i'm just a guest here - i spend most of my time and energy in the bi-polar forum.  but your story struck me.  if i knew why bad things happen to good people, i would be rich instead of subsisting on social security.  nevertheless it is a good question.

in my experience, when a person gets down they keep getting kicked until they stagger back to their feet.  sorry, hon, there is no silver bullet or magic potion.  having said that, and having spent 60 years depressed, take the medication, it helps.  i was falling into a real humdinger depression and my psychiatrist presceibed welbutrin.  pulled my out of the depression in less than a week.  but what works for memight not necessarily work for you.

i agree that if you don't "vibrate" with your psychiatrist, find another one.  yours sounds like some i've had (i've been around longer than you and, i would therefore assume, that i have seen more shrinks than you have).  these docs are out for the money and aren't really inerested in helping their patients.  i had one about 10 yrs ago who was just a kid - i've forgotten more psychology than he ever learned with his ms in counceling.  i told him what i thought of him.  the psychiatrist who he reported to told my wife that i was "beligerant."  darned right i'm beligerant.  medicare is paying some money for this jerk to help me.  he failed.  your pdoc has failed.  get another one.

there is a jewish saying that my grandmother was very fond of.  "life is a wheel.  when you're on the bottom, pray to god because some day you will be on the top.  when you are on the top pray to god also for some day you'll be on the bottom."

by the way, in the story of job in the bible, the angel who convinced god to test job is not the devel.  the hebrew word translates more like "devel's advocate" or "someone who tests."

you have your faith.  cleve to it, it will give you strength.  i have my religion, too, and cleve to it for my support and inspiration. 

and remember, "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" (s. freiud)

warren

Thank you both for your words of encouragement. 

Suzy - I hope that you feel better.  I wish we didn't have to suffer so.

Warren, do you only take Welbutrin for your bi-polar?  My psyche doesn't diagnose me with bi-polar but she says I'm "moody."  She says it to me like a regular person annoyed with me b/c of my moodiness.  I just think she's one of those docs whom if they can't cure you they want you out of their hair.  Also, I think she is in it for the $ b/c she sees me frequently, sometimes more than 1x/mo and requires an appointment.  She takes me off my meds cold turkey and she is extremely conservative with my meds.  She refuses to prescribe benzos and when I am in Major depression she takes me off of 60mg. Cymbalta and puts me on 5mg. of Lexapro.  I s/h known then.  Anyway, she suggested a med called "Lamictal."  I looked it up and it is for bi-polar.  She refuses to diagnose me bipolar and she refuses to put me on disability.  All I want is a doctor who will have my best interests at heart no matter what that is.  I'm not usually angry but I am feeling let down by her and I became very angry when I lost my wallet.  That was nobodys fault but mine but human beings do not usually do the right thing and in this case, they could have turned it in to the management office and they did not.  I don't have mania but I do go up and down.  However, my ups are usually when I am hopeful about a job prospect and my downs are when they don't pan out or something bad happens to me.  What are your thoughts?

Depression is really bad.  Migraine through the roof today.  Couldn't move or I would have gone to ER.  I s/h checked myself into a mental health hospital months ago.  Taking me off of the Lexapro has been a curse and I can't take some of the other type of meds either b/c of glaucoma (suspect).  I'm alone, life is spiraling down.  I have tried so hard.  I really have.  Don't know what to do anymore. 

hopeful,

i'm so sorry to hear about your broken hands and feet.  it must be terrabily painful to you, even more painful than dialing 911.  hon, you sound like you are in bad trouble - deep kimche in my generation - and need immediate help.  you sound like you are in a downward spiral which, in my experience, leads to self inflicted injury or injury to someone else.  sometimes it's "suicide by policeman."

fix your bloody hands and fingers and use the telephone.  let us know how you fare after your call.

we support you and wish you god's grace.

warren

I have something GOOD to report.  Yesterday/last night because of the horrible migraine on top of the horrible depression I had one of my WORST days.  I prayed that God would take away the migraine so that I could go to my first day on a TEMP job.  I woke up with a moderate migraine but off to work I went.  The first two hours felt like an eternity.  Afternoon took migraine meds and by the end of the day the migraine subsided.  I did not feel depressed, just tired.  I think I have had a major breakthrough.  I am praying that this is a sign of good things to follow.  I have faith their will be a change in the season soon and I am long overdue.  The temp job doesn't pay too well but I am grateful to have some money coming in and I will continue to look for a perm job.  The holidays is a terrible time to look for a job.  People don't like to make transitions at this time.  For one, it's holiday time and secondly, they get bonuses usually in January or February. 

Thank you, everyone for your support.  I'm glad that I could finally report something good.

I don't know how much more of this depression I can take. I don't have the right psychiatrist, I don't have a proper diagnosis and I don't have the right meds. I think about ending my life when I go this far down. It's been a year and a half of nothing but heartache, loss, depression, migraine, moving, lack of employment, finances. I know I don't deserve this and I'm a kind hearted soul. I called a suicide hotline tonight. I've never done that before but I have thought that I might need to check myself into hospital.

Tell me, please, how do we get out of the deep depression that lasts this long and you have tried everything humanly possible to get better but you don't. What next?

1day, what can I expect from going to the hospital?  Please tell me.

Hi Wizzer, I'm touched by your reply. I don't know how to thank you for those caring and supportive words. I know that I might not be properly diagnosed and on the right meds but I can tell you that I had a good day today. Ding Dong the witch is gone - hee! What a difference a day makes. The woman who trained me yesterday was downright abusive to me. She failed to spend even 2 hours training me, she made rude remarks, rolled her eyes, sighed. It was like getting punched in the stomach all day long. My psychological skin is burned. I resorted to a 5 year old girl. My stomach hurt all day long and when I got in the car at the end of the day, I lost it. I was crying so hard I couldn't see straight. I started having all of those bad thoughts but I remember someone posting one time about someone who had attempted suicide. They said, remember the feeling is temporary. The decision is permanent. Of course I don't want to die and I already got to that point before and I know that I can't do it. Their is still a thread of hope in me. That hope comes from God. Many who know Him suffer, however, He promises rest to those who trust him. I need some rest! I'm feeling sick now. Scratchy throat, head cold but I am going to take your advice and take a day off from worrying. I will sleep in tomorrow and p/u the messy house and dishes and just put one foot in front of the other.
How are you doing?

hi 1day, thank you for your support and words of encouragement. You are right and God does want us to "cling" to him. I've been listening to some of the Joyce Meyers tapes and I am realizing how much I want to reason and know and understand everything. I fight the act of surrender. Perhaps God is just waiting for me. I am doing better. 2 good days and I'm very hopeful. I think that my legs are wobbly so when another bad thing happens I lose it and go way down. I am fighting this though.
How are you doing? I like the "just for today" that you added to your signature. You've really been there haven't you?

Thank you, Wizzer. That means a lot to me. Hanging in there still. One day at a time.
Hugs back at ya. talk2kel