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Posted 12/21/2006 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
what can i do if i'm so afraid of being hurt...i'm afraid of oppening to someone or to go ahead with a relationship because i'm afraid...because people are so mean and they can seem nice, but in reality they can harm you...but i want to be happy, i wan't to have someone to love, but i'm afraid and i don't wanna waste myself on some jurk

today someone told me that his mother and dad died when he was a child and that he's really poor, but he hides this from the people sourounding him...he says that his parents live in another town to the others and he suffers...he's a good person, but just because he once said something mean about some girls I started to think that he's a bad person and a hollow one, but now that I know his secret I don't think like that anymore.....and I always think I'm one of the most miserable person in the world, but today I started to think that maybe I'm wrong, maybe i'm just selfish...i mean i was abused when i was 9, i grew up without a father and knowing that he doesn't care at all about me and that he feels no love for me, and I was always bullied when I was younger because I was fat and I had a speaking problem and I ended up with selective mutism (I could talk without big problem, but I was ufraid to do that) and after that it turned into social phobia, was still afraid to speak in a lot of occasions...now I have an eating disorder (I fast with the hope I'll loose weight and than I eat a lot of junk food, sometimes I binge etc etc)...i mean i know that i have my reasons to feel bad and depressed, but maybe loosing your parents and struggeling to being able to continue with the faculty is worse cause I have a mother that loves me in her way and a home and enough money to live without worrying and i recovered from the social phobia almost completely and I wonder: am I being a bad person, am I doing a fuss for nothing...but I'm depressed and sometimes i'm so afraid and I wish I'd had someone to tell me i'm safe and to hug me but I don't ...i'm so confused...and i'm starting to feel that i shouldn't feel so unhappy, but sometimes I can't contain myself and sometimes I find comfort in feeling so bad and miserable

what do you guys think?? just tell me what you really think even though what you tell me might make me feel bad...i promise i will take it well...all the problems i have and had made me mature enough

Posted 12/21/2006 6:09 PM (GMT 0)
hi nichtimmer, im sorry you feel so sad. I know what its like to wallow in misery, sometimes it makes you feel better (no idea why). You deserve to be loved and at the right time you will find someone, although you have to be happy alone with yourself before you can expect someone to be happy with you. Thats what i believe anyway, because i suffer from depression im not looking for a relationship as it wouldnt be fair on whoever i met. i need to get myself sorted before i can open myself up and become vulnerable.

you have every right to feel down and you dont have to have something bad happen to you for you to "deserve" your unhappiness. you dont say if you have seen a doctor/psychiatrist about the way you feel, or if you are on medication?

sorry ive not been much help, but please keep posting, it can be thereputic to get it all out xx
Posted 12/21/2006 6:52 PM (GMT 0)

Firstly , welcome to Healing Well. You will find there are loads of wonderful people here with lots of great advice.

I think in any relationship you should take time to get to know each other. If you like someone and they like you it won't matter how long it takes to open up infront of them , they will understand , but , if they're only in it for the money they will get tired of waiting , so you will know they were a jerk.

If you are not already doing so please talk to your doc about finding some treatment.

CBT can help change negative thoughts into positive. Here are some links for online CBT

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/default.asp

http://www.angelfire.com/planet/cbtonline/

A lot of people here have had great results using these.

Let us know how you get on.

Take care ,

Smiler tongue

Posted 12/22/2006 1:12 PM (GMT 0)

Hi nichtimmer, I wanted to add my welcome to you also.  I agree with smiler that relationships take time to get to know each other.  I also have this thing about not wanting to waste my time on some "jerk"  and often when I meet someone and he says something bad regarding someone else right off that puts me off as it shows a negative side to his character.  I too was abused as a child and find it difficult to get close to people and often find mistrust in others.  I have been working on this through counseling.  Which may not be such a bad idea for you to seek out to help resolve some of your internal issues that you carry regarding your childhood. 

I hope you continue to visit Healing Well for support and guidance, this is a wonderful site with many caring people always willing to help.  Take care.
Posted 12/22/2006 2:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hello nichtimmer

 

Welcome to HW you as you can see you will get a lot of support here from people that have or are going thru the same feelings you do and you will make so many friendships here.

 

Everyone deserves to be happy but sometimes happiness comes with a little pain. There is a saying that says I would rather had loved and failed....then to never have loved at all. You never know when love is right around the corner unless you look.

 

I wish you Peace...Love...and Happiness.  

Posted 12/22/2006 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Nichtimmer,

I wish there were a quick fix to all you have going on but there isn't. One thing I have found that makes me forget my fears and sadness is to make myself stop thinking about me and my problems and to help someone else instead. It can be as simple as sending a card to a shut-in from our church to making my son's bed because I know he didn't have time before work. I guess my mind is so simple that it can't think of two things at once so when I'm thinking of helping others I don't spend so much time feeling bad for me. I get a great deal of satisfaction from helping others and it helps lift my depression.

Hope this helps.
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