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Rainey

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Posted 12/21/2006 12:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Rainey
I havent seen you posting and was wondering how you are doing..please let us know.
Posted 12/23/2006 11:22 AM (GMT 0)

Hi There:

This past week has been hell.  Half of the time I don't know whether I'm coming or going.  You have no idea the way my husband makes me feel. (maybe you do).  He hurts me so badly and makes me cry.  I know I have to get the courage to leave him but what I think it boils down to is that I'm scared and just plain petrified.  I feel so alone and in a very dark deep hole that I can't get out of. 

I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Posted 12/23/2006 2:23 PM (GMT 0)
Rainey
Have you told anyone besides us?
Posted 12/24/2006 12:13 AM (GMT 0)

Hi

Yes My parents are fully aware of what goes on.  They are very old fashion and do not believe in divorce.  I don't get much support from them despite they have seen him in action (verbally).

When I went to my doctor she did alot of documenting.  Like when the last time he hit me and the kinds of verbal abuse that is thrown at me.

Also my husbands best friend witnessed him throwing me against a wall chocking me to death just within 1 week of having our 3rd. child.  His friend litterally had to pull him off of me. 

So Yeah other people are aware of his behavior.  His family has very little to do with us because I was told that they do not like the way he acts and talks to me and the kids.

My doctor said that maybe when I'm thinking clearer that I will be able to make a move then.  Right now I'm on Lexapro.  She started me out on Cymbalta but it did not agree with me so she changed me over to Lexapro.

In any event right now I'm just petrified and shaking all over.  I guess he likes me like that because he can see that he has me right where he wants me to be WEAK.

I do thank you so much for atleast caring.  I will always remember you!

Rainey

Posted 12/24/2006 2:50 AM (GMT 0)
rainey,
your post brings me to tears. My grandmother lived for so many years, like 50 with a man that abused her and her kids and made like a living hell. She stayed because she was scared. The day he died, he was chasing my grandmother with a shotgun in the car and pulled out in front of someone drunk, and died. The last years she lived after that, were the happies she ever had. Point being, don't let it get to that. Help yourself and your kids. they don't need to grow up like that. You don't need to grow up like that.
I just pray for you tonight. God bless and merry christmas.
Posted 12/24/2006 4:27 AM (GMT 0)
Please, Rainey, don't wait. Take yourself and your kids to a battered womens shelter. You can re-build your life. Things are not important. YOU ARE. He does not love you. His kind of love is SICK and will NEVER get better b/c he has to be the one to recognize that he has a problem and not just the "baby, i'm so sorry, i know i'm bad, i need help, plz forgive me" crap. LEAVE HIM. You are a precious child of God. Your children need YOU. Do it for them. How old are they? Believe me they will want to be away from him and witnessing the beatings. It is terrifying for them and they are going to be more wounded if you wait until the are older or whatever you tell yourself. I watched my Dad be abusive to my Mom - verbally and sometimes physically. My Mom didn't leave and I spent the next 20 years subconciously attracted to abusive men. Psychologists liken it to "going home" and trying to make it right this time. You need help. Can you go to a battered woman's shelter? You don't need your parents. You need a social worker to help fight for you. Also, do you go to church? Have you talked to a Pastor? God does not expect a woman to stay with an abusive man. Please go to a battered woman's shelter and get help. The next beating could be the last one. Never kid yourself and protect yourself with the help of the LAW. YOu will be in my thoughts and prayers - no matter what you decide - you are a valuable woman and Mother.
Posted 12/25/2006 12:30 PM (GMT 0)
Rainey
ok... I am kind of at a loss right now. Just the Powerful statement that HIS family wants nothing to do with him because of the way he acts. WOW that says alot. Because my ex's family supported him 100 %. Why? Because they were used to the women in the family getting beat on as that is the way their dad was. There were 6 boys in that family and not one POS raised a finger to help their mom. Then I came along and the first time she came over to my house with a black eye,well let's just say that after I was done I might have deserved a slap or two..(in my ex's mind that is).
Rainey,stop and think a minute. If a man's own family is saying he is not someone they trust,or want to be around that in my mind is a sign that you would have all the support you need.
A lawyer would wipe his feet on your husband,meaning you would get everything that you wanted.
I know leaving is easier said than done. It is the most scary thing you will ever do. But,I found that even the worst times that I had to deal with after I left my ex,were nothing compared to living scared.
And one major thing I want to point out to you. Once you do gain enough strenght to leave him,the therapy should not quit then.In fact I think the therapy is the most important once you have walked out on him as the side effects of living in fear for so long do not go away over night. I still jump whenever someone raises their voice to me. I still watch people out of the corner of my eye getting ready to duck. And I still have anxiety attacks whenever I go to the store to buy things as I am expecting to come home and get laid out because I did not buy the correct item or went a few dollars over what I was "allowed" to spend.
We are all here on the internet trying to give you advice. But,when it comes down to it we are not there,and I wish there was a way that we could all just drive to your house,and move you out. But we can't. The strenght is in you,you just have to find it.
Posted 12/28/2006 1:18 AM (GMT 0)
Rainey
Have you rung the police and made a complaint etc. when he is has done or doing the damage. I am not sure how the law works over there, but we do have such a thing as an order from the court called 'non-mollestation' which forbids him from being anywhere near you or the children etc.
Part of me wants to agree that you should leave and quickly..and the other part says 'why should you?!' No one deserves abuse physical or mental..you know that and I know that! If anyone should leave it should be your husband..seek legal and police advice - or run like the wind..do something soon ok?
Take good care.
Maree
Posted 12/28/2006 2:42 AM (GMT 0)

Dear Rainy, I can't find the right words to describe how I feel for you and your kids.

Words might give you some comfort at the dark og hopeless place, where you're at, but words can't change the situation for you and your kids, but action can. Rainy, you've got to leave him... not tomorrow, not a week from now or even a month... but NOW.

I know, it's not easy... I can imagine that it frightens you not knowing what the future brings, but leaving him is the ONLY way towards happier days.

You wrote that he wants you to be weak. But HE is the weak one. Only weak people are violent, and only insane people are capable of hurting kids.

Rainy, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your three kids. I hope you'll find the strenght leave him.

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