What is support? What is enabling? Any difference??

Need answers from persons on both sides of this question. Have you been supportive to a loved one with problems? Have you been supported?  Have you been the enabled or are you the one that enables others?   What was the results?

during the 30-odd yrs of my marriage, my wife has done everything possible to keep me from self-destructyion.  i have several illnesses:  debilitating chronic back pain, copd, bi-polar disorder, and depression.  she never lets me use any of these illnesses as an excuse for not getting things done or for not keeping up my part of the relationship.  sometimes i want to scream, other times i want to shoot her.  most often i love her for caring enough to help me move forward.

without her, i would lie in bed all day loaded with opiate pain pills and takking anti-depressessents.  as it is, i take pain pills a few times a week (usually.  i had back surgery on the 22nd and am in really bad pain right not and taking opiates every 4 hours) and am on a reasonable regieme of medication for the emtional /mental illness.  teh vcopd is a fight. i hate taking the breathing treatments so only do so before a surgery or when i can't breath.  my wife doesn't intervene with the copd - it dosn't affect our day to day lives.

hope my experience helps.

warren

An enabler keeps the person in a depressive state while a supporter tries to get the person out of the depressive state. My husband has clinical depression and it is hard continually giving support. Especially when you are to blame for everything. I ended up going to a psychologist for someone to talk to and to help me continue to be strong and help my husband work through his depression. He does well when he continues to take his meds. It is when he misses a day or two that he becomes mean and reclusive. So I try my best to make sure he takes it every day. I also have been trying to locate support groups for those living with depressed people. It is hard but you have to be strong because they aren't. There are many nights I cry myself to sleep because I don't know what to do anymore to help him. But I've come to realize that they have to want to help themselves also. My husband goes to therapy every two weeks and I make sure he goes. I try to keep a positive attitude about everything and keep everything on an upbeat level. Only problem is you have to endure their negativity and put downs. It doesn't help that my step-son who is 13 is also depressed so I live with two depressed people.

All I can say is keep your head up and continue to be positive in everything and seek help for yourself to keep your sanity. It is hard being a loved one to a depressed person because they seem to bring you down.

Good luck.

Linda

i grew up in an abusive dysfunctional family.  i'm not really sure when the depression began.  growing up i tried committing suicide at least 8 times.  nobody knew about it - i always wore long sleaved shirts.

bu the time i was about 15 i was clinically depressed to the point that my parents became concerned and took me to a psychiatrist.  i took valium and saw the shrink about once/wk. 

finally, i was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in 2001, after another suicide attempt.  i am not on a mood-stabeliser and an anti-depressant and it seems to be working.

will i ever get "well?"  he**, how should i know?  i only inhabit this body.  if i do have bp, then i will never be "cused", only "well managed."  that beats the heck out of the alternative, doesn't it?

perhaps, the greatest gift that you can give your daughter is the ability to manage her illness on her own or with professional help.

i hope that this helps with your search.

warren

To all who have written replies to my posts I say thank you. There have been more changes in just the last few days since I began writing on this site. I am going to give us both a break as I now see that I am not alone. I hope for a better year for all of us. Best wishes for you and your families.