Just about had it.

im so sorry youre feeling down, its a good step to post on here. i hit rock bottom when i was 20, got kicked out of home, couldnt hold down a job, started getting drunk on my own, self harmed, i was a mess, then i moved in with my parents again and did nothing with my life. i felt my life was hopeless that i was a loser, but then one day i thiought to myself "what if this is it? what if my life will never be any better than this?" it really shocked me. i enrolled back into school and im now at university. i still suffer from depression and anxiety but im getting a handle on it finally thanks to prozac.

maybe you could try some different meds and different psychiatrist as it can be a case of trial and error. sorry ive not been very helpful, but keep posting on here, and read other peoples posts as it can help you realsie you are not alone in this. feel free to message us anytime. hope you feel better soon xx

Decaying,

I am doing an online CBT course (MoodGYM) that another forum member recommended. It has made me aware of my faulty thought processes.........I don't know what came first, my depression or my faulty thoughts. Either way, the course is helping me to see a better way. So much of the course reaffirms the group sessions I attended while hospitalized.

Please remember that we can only take things a day at the time. I get so overwhelmed when I think about "the rest of my life."

Hope you are having a good day today.

1dayatatime

decaying,

you presented some really complex questions.  i wish i were smarter so that i could give you better answers, but i can give you my expeerience.

we all develop a self-image and will do almost anything to maintain that self-image.  for example, a young boy from the ghetto manages to get a full football schoolarship at a major university.  but this lad's self-image is that he is poor and lacks tallent.  this boy may well ruin a knee, throuing him out of the game and scholarship and higher education in orer to protect his poor self-image. 

are you doing this with your life?  i noticed that you had "tried" several professionals but did not cohese with any of them.  was it the cohesion or your attempt to protect your self-image?

drugs are often (usually) a form of self-medication.  that's how i used and abused therm in 1970.  i am bipolar and was having a major manic episode.  i was undiagnosed at the time, so didn't know what was really happening.  this self-medicating can be disasterous, as you and i both discovered.  thwe quesion is what are/were you medicating yourself for?  find the answer to that and you have the beginnings of a meaningful conversation with a professional.  why have a drug that may help you if you don't take it?  i have been on welbutrin for about 2 months and have found it to be the best antidepressant that i have ever taken.  i have been at this since the early 1960s so i have some experience with these drugs.  i also recognise that a drug that works amazingly well for one person may well kill another person.  what i am sahying is that you aren't even giving the drug a chance.

all change must start drom within.  i have copd and am going in for a back operation on the 22nd.  i was smoking until day before yesterday when i saw the pulminary specialist.  he told me i probably would not survive the operation if i didn't stop smoking and do breathing treatments every 4 hours around the clock until ther day of the operation.  guess what?  i made a decision to live and to have the operation.  it is now 3:00 am and i had a breathing treatment an hour ago and will have another one at 6:00 am.  i also quit smoking after 50 years with the habbit.  the changes started within me.  there was outside inout, but the decisions were mine.  when are you going to give yourself permission to change and to take control of your life?  this decision alone won't make it happen.   but it's the first step in the process.

i hope this helps.  i've been where you are.  it's not a nie place to be.  but you can get out of there.  we'll help  you al the way from cyberspace.

warren

Hi decaying...
Hmm...Have you thought about setting yourself some goals in life?
Is there something you would like to do..but have always considered impossible up to now?
I think that maybe you have reached a crossroad in your life, and you know you want to do something but are unsure if you can...
You have taken control of your life and your addiction..you can be proud of that :) that was the first step in getting your life on track - well done!
Sometimes we feel like we have lost everything when really we have an opportunity to turn everything around and start afresh and reinvent ourselves :)
One thing I do know for sure is that opportunity won't come your way unless you go out there and look for it!
You are 20yrs old..you are obviously talented with computers..can you upskill in this direction?
Do you have trouble getting up in the morning and getting motivated?
Tell us more about you and we will see if we can help :)
Take good care.
Maree

Hi decaying. You have the power to be the person you want to be. Be patient with yourself and keep your goals realistic so you don't get discouraged. Being an over achiever is hard when you have to keep raising the bar. Focus within to see who you are and who you want to be. Find your positive attributes and expand on them. Let yourself grow and don't be discouraged by life's hurdles.
I hope you can find one thing each day that makes you smile. Then, when you hit a bump, remember that thing. ;)