is there a way for them to understand?

Happy,

He may never fully understand and sometimes he may not be there when you need him. He may be off working or fishing or drinking or at church or at his moms. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you for who you are right now. Depression is part of what makes you YOU so if he loves you he accepts that, too.

Sometimes we have to turn to others for support because our mate's can't be the all purpose helper we wish they could be. If you can find support here then maybe that will be enough. Hang in there, girlfriend. Better days are coming... I have to believe that or I'd just go bonkers! Take care.

wow, i am in the exact same situation! YOU are who i want to talk to. are you ever in the chat room? let me know if and when we can talk.

is this the way you want to life the rest of your life? i hope not. three things and three things only are the hard rock upon which to build a lasting relationship: HONESTY, HONESTY, and HONESTY!

if your significant other is emotionally unavailable to you before you get married, what miracle do you ex[pect to all of a sudden make him/her emotionally available once some words are said and rings exchanged? get real!!!!!!

if your other believes that you can just "snap out of it" they are sicker than you. i don't need that kind of illness in my life. why do you?

a fake smile? a fake orgasm? a fake marriage? fake children? a real divorce?

sorry to be so frank. i'm trying to give you an alternative way of looking at your circumstances. this doesn't mean that what i have written is gospel. it's not. it's just another take on youor reality.

i wish you the best.

warren

Being a person that does not suffer from depression but in a relationship that does, maybe the person does not always know when you need affection to feel better (no matter how many times you say it). Human contact is a wonderful thing but it cannot be handed out like pamphlets. Maybe something has come up in his life that has concerned him that he needs an out too.

I know when my partner seems to be hurting, I want to reach out to him and hold him to try and ease his pain, but then he pushes me away. Then when it tears my heart out that he is doing this, I just take a step back and observe as I know and hope that it will pass, which it usually does, sometimes I just have to do things on my own until he snaps out of it and sometimes and not often, what he is dealing with can be difficult to sit through, or if I have an issue that I need to deal with, I take some space too!

Everyone has or needs an out, it does not mean that they are not there for you or do not care for you. As long as you are safe and not been treated badly always, does not mean that he is not there for you!

Not sure if this helps, but I do hope it sheds some light! I myself am learning and will not give up on him!

Wishing you the best!

Hi Happy=( I have had two failed marriages under my belt. I knew in my heart that is was not right both times. I ignored these deep feelings both times. I thought that that if I loved these people enough that everything would be ok. The truth I learned is that you can never change anyone and that trying to be everything for everybody destoyed me. All the time I was running from myself. I am trying my best to stop running and accept me for me. Does this make sense? My thoughts and prayers are with you. Levonne

1dayatatime said... I knew in my heart that is was not right both times. I ignored these deep feelings both times. I thought that that if I loved these people enough that everything would be ok. The truth I learned is that you can never change anyone and that trying to be everything for everybody destoyed me. All the time I was running from myself. I am trying my best to stop running and accept me for me. Does this make sense?

Levonne, I have been divorced for almost 3 years (this May).  I perfectly understand what you posted here.  The thing I find so sad out of my 5 yr marriage and 12 yr overall relationship is that somewhere along that way I lost myself.  I also allowed myself to be treated badly by him.  It took everything I had in me to leave but I did it and I know I wont be treated like that again.

Holly, I wonder if your fiance was raised with minimal affection?  Do you notice a pattern of behavior between him and his parents and the way he interacts with you?  If this is something that is ingrained since birth for him or is a sense of how he was raised then it is going to be very difficult for him to change this behavior.  If he even recognizes that he wants or needs too.  As for you, it seems that you have a strong sense of who you are and what you want in life.  But do be aware that putting on those "fake smiles" do become harder over time.

However, I am the last one to be giving love advice since I have failed in this area terribly....

els, yes he is very much like his family and i come from a different world. i know i can't change him. that was never my intention. the first couple of years together, he was a much different person. but in the past year i have found out that he was being who he thought i wanted in order to win me over. now that he's got me and has established a relationship with my youngest son, i am now seeing his true colors. since people can't change other people, can i change myself? although i think he and is family are dysfunctional in their own way, i don't think it's them. i know the basics so well that i should be a psychologist. it's daily living with people that i don't know how to put in to practice. it's got to be me because i am the one always in a negative relationship. so if i'm the one that needs to change in order to get along with the rest of the world, how do i actually do that? i know i need to not rely on others for comfort or happiness. i know i need to learn to not analyze everthing. (don't get me wrong, i love to laugh.) there's a lot i know but that doesn't mean i can figure out the fine details of living it.