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i'm new and trying to figure this out cause i need someone to talk to

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Depression
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Posted 12/30/2006 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
i am all alone in a house full of people that don't have a clue about depression. i must have been born this way. i've been depressed all my life. seems like when i'm on meds, my anxiety gets worse. my lack of memory and intellect is embarrassing and this is the first time i have ever admitted that. i think my lack comes from life long depression. i'm not suicidal but i look forward to death. i'm not looking for answers because my situation is too complicated. i just want someone to talk to. if i successfully post this, i'm not sure how to check for a response. i prefer instant messaging. anybody else? -hollygo
Posted 12/31/2006 12:34 AM (GMT 0)
holly, i just wanted to let you know that your message was heard. i hope that one of the monitors check with you soon.

i myself don't look forward to death, but sleep is my consulate. I nap as often as i can to cancel out any negative thoughts.

you are not alone here. just remember that a forum monitor will be with you soon.
Posted 12/31/2006 1:19 AM (GMT 0)
Punky, Thank you so much! i was starting to wonder if i am too depressing for a depression forum! I really appreciate you giving me a moment of your time. I don't have that at home which is what brought me to this forum. Sleep is my best friend as well. Which is a cause of the bitterness in my relationships. Thanks again and yes, I am eagerly awaiting a post from a moniter.
Posted 12/31/2006 5:23 AM (GMT 0)
it's hard for others to really understand what we're going through, i've sorta accepted that now...sometimes, i don't think i should be talking to others about this, ie my fiance. even though i want him to understand.

but it definitely helps to "vent" it out somehow...i think writing has been better for me than actually talking to someone...i kinda get defensive when i "talk" even though the other person is trying to help. so i've started writing in a journal when i feel sad/cry. i've turned to this forum to get an idea of what other people think...a sort of indirect "talk"...

during some really bad days, i can sleep all day. but then i feel guilty. sometimes...i have to "schedule" time to exercise or have a goal, something to train for, ie, a 5 or 10k or a half marathon...hoping to do a marathon one of these days. not that i do it to be the first or anything. it's just knowing and having that sense of accomplishment. sometimes the excitement from other people gets me excited too.

for now, that's what i see as something to do in life...i'm not suicidal either, but have had thoughts. i've trained and worked to know better...i have been told that "things will be fine" or "there are good and bad days" we just have to hope that tomorrow will be better.

i'm still new to this forum, but if you want to talk, let me know when.
Posted 1/1/2007 1:16 AM (GMT 0)
Hi hollygo, I wanted to welcome you to Healing Well forum, we are most happy to have you join us here.  I very much understand your  situation...and how difficult it is to live with others who just dont understand depression.  My ex-husband didnt understand and had no desire to learn a thing about it.  Dont get me wrong here our divorce wasnt because of my depression but it did have a small part in it.

My suggestion would be try to educate those you live with.  I will leave you some links to print out if you wish.  Second perhaps some counseing between you and your soon to be husband would be a good idea.  Depression is not something that is going to go away and he is going to have to be sympethic and understand towards your feelings not just now but in the future.

I do hope you can find someone to chat with...it is difficult with everyone being on differant time zones and differant countries.  Please do continue to post though.  Take care.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/depwomenknows.cfm

http://www.nmha.org/index.cfm?objectid=C7DF952E-1372-4D20-C8A3DDCD5459D07B

Posted 1/1/2007 8:00 AM (GMT 0)
hi hollygo
Having suffered depression on and off for the past 20 years I really understand about others not understanding...it would be so much easier if we broke our arm..everyone could see there is a problem and deal with it accordingly lol.
You speak of lack of memory etc...it happens because we are on overload..our minds get so busy stuck on one track (eg.'how bad we feel' etc) that anything else is overlooked..nothing to do with lack of intelligence lol.
Sleep is the bodys way of healing itself...which is great, but when it is used as a way of shutting out the world and stopping us living..it becomes bothersome to those around us and harmful to ourselves sometimes because we are just not gonna get any further ahead in life. However, a nap during the day every now and then is 'fantastic' lol.
Take good care.
Maree
Posted 1/2/2007 1:28 AM (GMT 0)
maree, you are so right about the broken arm thing. but since it's not such an obvious thing, i don't know how to express myself correctly. when i try to help my fiance understand what's going on with me, he just doesn't get it. other times, i try to be honest with him but then i panic, i can't speak, i all i can do is pray that he can read my mind or open his eyes to the signs all around him. then the tears come and i feel like a basket case. at that point, he usually gets mad and says, "personally, i like to be happy so i choose to be". are there any magic words to get through to the person that loves me in HIS own way?
Posted 1/2/2007 7:01 AM (GMT 0)
I understand that prob too...my husband just didn't get it..amd sometimes still gets totally frustrated with the whole situation when things are bad (which is totally understandable coz it really sux sometimes lol)...so my solution was to take him to the doctor with me when I was really unwell..so he could talk to a health prof. and ask all the questions he wanted answers to that I felt I couldn't answer ( just like you :))
This helped greatly for both of us really :)
The other idea is to purchase a book called 'Living with IT' by Bev Aisbett...it is written in almost a humourous cartoon like way and is sooo helpful when I am going thru a bad patch..my husband could easily relate to the way it was written ..and it even has a chapter for those not going thru the dilemma and how they can help us...it's a brilliant book..
Hope this helps a little :))
You will be fine..just remember that this depression nonsense doesn't last forever...it will pass...amd all will be ok soon enough.

Maree
Posted 1/3/2007 6:10 PM (GMT 0)
as soon as i can get over myself long enough to get and keep a job, and get insurance, trust me, the first thing i'll do is get a doctor and get back on meds! then, the idea of having my fiance go to the doctor is a great idea! in the meantime, i will check in to that book. thanks!
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