Hi Syrup,
I've always had trouble fitting in and always thought it's my fault; I guess because I've been made to feel it is.
I'm 29 now, and i still don't feel i generally fit in to the general public, or social groups. I'm ok with it now, i accept that's just how i am. I used to stress about it and get upset because i thought i had to fit in, but i don't have to. Everyone has their own qualities, some people are naturally sociable, i'm more of a loner, i'd prefer to stay in and play with my musical instruments, or watch a film with my partner. I don't know if it comes with age, but i'm ok about being different, because everyone is different one way or another. How boring it would be if we were all alike. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm also more confident about choosing what i do and what i don't do, so if someone asks me out socially i make a choice about whether i want to go or not. The ironic thing is, when you start not caring whether you go out or not, and relax about it and don't get worked up about it; when you do go out you more naturally fit in and socialise! I suppose because you are not so self-conscious about the whole thing.
In my experience the majority of the people walking about and being sociable are also apprehensive about whether they dressed right, or said the right thing to someone. Most people have their own issues about wanting and needing to fit in, the majority of them just mask it better, whether through alcohol, lots of make up, or sticking close to their friends. When i go out with my partner, although i feel safe next to him, i'm still a bundle of nerves in social situations, but most people wouldn't guess to look at me because i relax next to him. He's my safety zone!
I'm scared to leave therapy as I feel I've got to know my therapist and we've got a good relationship
It's natural to feel an affiliation with your therapist. They listen to you non-judgementally, and have unconditional care and respect for you. When you find someone who is generally listening to you and not judging you in a caring situation you naturally feel close to them. I felt like that with my counsellor. It's hard to remind yourself that it is seperate from a friendship, and that it is a professional relationship. It doesn't mean they care about you any less than a friend, but they are working within ethics and guidelines. It's usually healthy to mention to your counsellor how you are feeling about the prospect of your session ending one day so that they are aware of your anxieties because they can address them with you safely and properly, and put you at ease.
I'm passionate about Counselling and I hope I can one day become one..
That's brilliant, at least you've found something you have a genuine interest in. I loved reading the theories and works of some of them, espcially the cognitive therapists. There's a lot of good literature on it all. It's a good course to get into because generally they run one or two days a week, even the full time ones, so it's managable; i'm talking in the UK, not sure about how they run in other countries?
I am fairly mature so maybe that's the problem. All this started because of bullying in year 9, I was born early and have mild Cerebral Palsy.
I'm so sorry you suffered from bullying, kids can be so cruel. I was bullied a lot at school too, it really gives your confidence a knock, but i promise you it's not a permanent one. It's taken me a while but i'm starting to really get my confidence back and it feels good. I've stick with close friends and have a really lovely partner now, and that's all contributed towards it. It's hard going back into education when you've had such a negative experience the first time around. I've had a few courses i hated because they reminded me of school, and some i really loved because the poeple were fantastic and i made some really good friends. You just have to 'shop around' until you find something that works for you. I love the course i'm on at the moment, everyone in my group is genuinely nice and we all support eachother.
My son has mild-moderate cerebral palsy and was wearing splints up until recently. They've given him insoles now which is nice for him, apart from the fact that people don't stare at him in summer now when he's wearing shorts, he can also pick out some cool shoes! I've always worried he'd get picked on because he is hemiplegic and it shoes when he walks. He also has autism and does a lot of hand flapping and noises. He's got so much confidence and is so self reasurred that i don't think anyone will knock him down, so to speak. He's got all the confidence i never had and i'm so glad for him. Some people are cruel and whisper and point but he doesn't care, he just carries on with what he's doing. I've always brought him up with the attitude 'I've got disabilities but so what!' It doesn't stop him doing very much in life.
People can be cruel, and usually that's their own issues they have, nothing to do with you. Just be proud to be you, you are unique just like the rest of us. I find it easier to be hard on myself than to give myself a pat on the back from time to time. We all make mistakes occassionally, it's part of being human, but generally we're all doing ok most of the time. You just need to remember to say to yourself occassionally 'i'm doing ok'.
I have a partner and a couple of close friends from s:school but I just feel so down.
Sometimes you just feel down for no apparent reason, and that's ok, it's part of having depression. It's ok to feel down sometimes, even when you have a good partner and good friends. The bonus is they are with you to cry with you, and to laugh with you on better days.
Called Sarah but Syrup because I have a horse called Maple
That's nice. I love animals, i have two cats. They are such great company and so therapeutic.
Take care of yourself, hopefully we'll chat again soon,
Sarah 