i need someone to talk to

I`m feeling really low at the moment .I need somone to talk to just to keep me occupied .Last night was really close and i`m feeling worse tonight .I have made a mess of everything.

Restless

things not going so good and yesterday everything go to me and i did something stupid but just wanted to escape all the pain and now i`m here by myself thinking too much

shy i just don`t know how to handle things anymore my life is falling apart .i`ve been married for 26yrs next month but i really think that it s all over

shy i`m just so frightened in a lot of ways ...one being on my own after being together for over thirty years and to be on my own i wouldn`t cope i have panic attacks just doing the groceries ,,,and as for family i tried to forgive my mother a month ago but just ended up feling as bad as i did when i was a kid when they use to abuse me i spent the nights in my room ages 48 in tears

Restless,
I have to go to work (BLECH),but am going to try to get back on early afternoon,please hang in there and stay strong....


Shy

thankyou shy for talking to me it has been ok i have to take my meds and might try to sleep it`s 1am here and i have to be up early

xtx thanks and you are right i do not have a support network at all i see a psychologist once every eight weeks and thats it .I do not have friends here i have lived here for the past 27yrs and a long time ago i was betrayed by who i thought at the time was a good friend i confided in her and she told someone and eventually it all got back to me so for the past fifteen years i have kept to myself . the psychologist is the only one who actually knows how i`m actually feeling but she isn`t available when i need here thats why i was referred to this site in the first place .I have always put my marriage and my hubby first and believe me there will be no other man in mylife if we do end because it`s the only thing i`m living for . my children treat me like dirt 99% of the time and it only changes when they want something from me . I do not want to be on my own ever

Welcome xtx
Glad you found this place and hope you become an active member on the board
PPL here are great and have the utmost caring and supportive ways even whn they are down as well
Again welcome to HW
LYN
Thanks for your input to Restless as well

HUN your daughter loves you and above anyone else she knows you the most right
I am sure she will continue to support and help you and you her
****NEVER give up dont let this Dang disorder win
I KNOW you are stronger than that I can tell by what you have gotten thru already in your life
I am 53 and have a teen daughter that has seen the " good bad and Ugly" yet she still is here for me
I like you try not to burden her with my illnesses and anxiety/ panic attacks but sometimes I need to talk with her she KNOWS her mom....
If you need to talk my email addy is under name so is all my other info
Shy is great with her support and empathy Like I said I am glad you have her I am here for you as well ......so are many others
Keep reaching out
DONT let this win
Keep the FAITH
Stay STRONG
and STAY with us okay.........
God Bless
LYN.

thanks weeping willow i know it`s hard when you have a lot on yourself and i have a hard time talking in private here but hopefully i will have a couple of days where i can talk un interrupted and last night was a hard night to deal with in particular .Hugs Restless

Hi restless, I am so very sorry for all the pain and uncertianty your going through in your life right now.  I was wondering if perhaps your psychologist could refer you to a counselor?  This would be someone that you could speak to and try to work some of these feelings out one on one and help give you some problem solving techniques to use with your panic attacks and hopefully help with your marriage issues.  You could see them inaddition to your psychologist/psychiatrist.

I feel I am the last one to give any kind of relationship advice at all as my own marriage feel apart 3 years ago after being with him for 12 yrs and 5 yrs married.  It was the hardest thing to go through in the world and I did feel like I would never try again or be with anyone else ever again and basically my whole life was over.  But you have to know that you are an independant person regardless of your relationship and you have to take care of yourself first and foremost before you can make a relationship work.  For those of us who have abusive pasts we tend to make ourselves so small, our worlds small as in isolation so that we cant get hurt again.  What ends up happening is that we have made this protective shield around ourselves so solid that we sufficate ourselves and sometimes others.  Thus the depression, panic attacks and post traumatic stress.  I am not saying this is what is going on with you...but I have done this with myself and it is a hard pattern to break.

Please do look into the counseling idea, I think you will find it helpful for you in the long run.  Maybe if the weather is nice where you are take a walk and try to clear your head alittle.  Sunshine is a good boost for the emotial system.  And always know we are here for you.

Hugs

My mother had a lot of problems as I was growing up that she tried to keep from me, but I just ended up worried, frustrated and confused. Now I'm 19 and living away from home, and I know that my mum still has many problems but I am not there to see. Rather than this being a load of my mind, it is a source of constant worry, as I don't know how she's doing and she won't tell me when I speak to her. She feels like she is burdening me, but there have been times when she has been honest with me and while its been hard to go through these times with her, I much prefer them to the times when she keeps everything bottled up. I too have my own problems but she's my mother, I love her and I want to know that she's ok, just as she does with me. I am happy to make certain sacrifices for her if it means that I can help in some way because the end (her being ok) makes all the stress worthwhile. The fact that your daughter has supported you so far already means that she feels the same about you. Let her help.
As for your online friends, sure they may have stuff in their lives but so do we and we're still more than happy to help you in any way we can! My point is that you won't meet a person alive who doesn't have their own problems, but it doesn't mean they don't want to hear about yours. Some of those problems may even be or have been the same as yours at some point, so you could find that they have valuable advice to help you.
Please try everything, no matter how futile or insignificant it might seem, because help and advice can be found in the most unexpected places as well as the most obvious.
xxx

Thankyou everyone for all your help just being able to talk to some one else is a great i have even been in contact with someone else from this forum and we talked at lengths last night .Im sorry i didn`t get back sooner but i have been unable to get in because of the problems i`ve been having here .I look after little children and they keep me from thinking of a lot of my problems and i use to garden a lot but now i have skin cancer i`m too frightened to even go out in the day time am still waiting for surgery to have it removed and grafting done .As for my daughter i know she is having a lot of problems herself dealing with her work as an emergency rescue person and i have tried to be there for her and get help for her it`s available to her through the emergency team she works for but as for extra help for me it`s a different story because of where we live it`s just not available and thats why i`m having so much trouble dealing with a lot of issues .The psycharist i saw once before her service was cut to our town had increased my anti depressant three times the usual dosage but the it has now efected my personal relationship with my husband to the extent i feel nothing towards our personal life and i think that it`s the medication that has done this .I`m sure he has picked up on this also which i can`t explain to him that i don`t want him to even touch me (if you can understand what i`m saying ) i want him to hold me to be close to him but i don`t want anything more .I know this sounds really selfish and it hurts me so much not to be able to explain this to him but how can i this will surely end what chances of keeping our marriage going .And i know that i can`t stop taking the medication because that would really end everything.
Then this morning i read the texts my son had sent my husband it really broke my heart to hear him talk to his dad like he did he and all the kids are not really close to their dad it`s always been me who has dealt with and been there for them when needed as hubby was always working but this was so harsh for him to say this .My son won`t even talk to me but i just can`t give up on him i`m his mum and i still love him so much.
I just have so many issues that it`s becoming so hard to deal with everything and eventhough everyone has said they are here for me it`s still very hard to deal with .But thankyou all for being so caring and listening to me ,just getting the thoughts out help me for a while.
Restless