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Trying to help myself through this

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Posted 3/7/2007 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
hey,

     I keep changing how I'm feeling today, I go from being having to being depressed. Keep getting like this. I was all okay a couple of weeks ago. Just when I thought I was getting over it and getting my life back to normal, depression comes back. It's destorying my relationship and my friendships. It's just not fair! I've been struggling to get out of bed this week, thing is I don't even know why I'm feeling like this confused  I have no reason to be depressed anymore. I sat up most of the night Monday crying my eyes out while my girlfriend was sleeping. I need to get things back on track, I don't want to go back to how it was before - staying in bed all day, feeling sorry for myself. That self pitty thing really sucks. Only problem is I don't know how to pull myself out of it. At the moment my time is spent eating, drinking, smoking sleeping and arguing with my family. I've been to a dr about this before and he put me on meds prozak but they made me worse. I'm only 17 so am restricted to meds and canceling makes me very nervous. So I'm basically going to have to help myself get out of it, if I could only find a way to do that.

Posted 3/7/2007 3:29 PM (GMT 0)
Oh, Mouseykins! I remember being 17 years old and all of the hormonal and mood swings that that entailed. It really was like riding a rollercoaster. I was depressed throughout high school.

You're right. It isn't fair. It sucks mightily. I mean, it was bad enough that I had zits and Algebra II, but then when you add depression to that...! When I was your age, people generally did not prescribe meds for depression, and they didn't recognize depression as a disease. I dealt as long as I could until I had a major depressive episode at the age of 18, for which I was hospitalized. Because of the forum rules, I can't write about all the details, but looking back I wish so much that I had gotten help with my depression sooner.

Mouseykins, there are lots and lots of other meds out there besides prozac, but to get them you need to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. In your post above you wrote, "I have been to a dr about this before..." How recently was that? You might want to go to one who specializes in adolescent psychiatry. When I was in despair recently about my depression and even thinking about checking myself into a hospital, I went back to my psychiatrist, and she explained that my meds had stopped working. I believe "poop out" is the technical term. Not very nice imagery, but I think you get the point. She and I are working on stabilizing my moods and getting my thinking patterns more balanced. The same could work for you. I no longer drink or drug anymore because both those interfered with my depression.

In terms of "not having any reason to be depressed anymore," well, my experience is that depression doesn't just occur in a vacuum. It takes courage and discipline to face your demons, but you don't have to do it alone, just like people who have diabetes and high cholesterol and cancer do not have to cope with their illnesses alone. Keep getting help and getting help and getting help until you feel that your meds/therapy are working for you.

zinniagirl
Posted 3/8/2007 2:57 PM (GMT 0)
Mouseykins, how are you?
Posted 3/8/2007 3:05 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Zinniagirl,

I'm okay today thanks things have been alright so far. Everydays different. what about you?

Posted 3/8/2007 3:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mousey, When I was suffering from severe depression and anxiety, i found that every day was different. Depression isn't a straight road, it has many bends so just take one day at a time and you will get there. Even though Im doing so much better now, I still get good and bad days. When I have a bad day, I try toremember how 'good' my good days are. Take care.
Posted 3/8/2007 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
Recovery is definitely not a straight road. There will be good days and bad days, horrible moments and joyful moments, on the way to Wellness City. Yep.

Wanted to go back this morning. Honestly. Looked around my dirty house and thought, "I just can't do this." But then I thought, well if I go back to bed, I will be giving in to IT, and IT will get bigger and stronger. So I put on this ridiculous oldies radio station (yeah, I'm 40), put on some cleaning gloves, and am having a real set to with IT and the dirt and disorder. It kinda feels like I am flipping the bird right in ITS face, and I like that.

I hafta say, I even took on my icky-poo shower curtain, with the modern art mold and mildew designs. After I got over the lightheadedness and rush caused by the cleaning solutions, I looked around my bathroom and was kinda pleased.

What could you do to flip the bird in ITS face today?

zinniagirl
Posted 3/8/2007 9:45 PM (GMT 0)
LOL zinnia
You crack me up. I love your sense of humor,please keep that and stay so strong!
I too will get into the cleaning mode and crank up the radio.
I organized my office at work today getting ready for the open house upcoming. It felt good to have everything somewhere I will not be able to find it later.
Posted 3/8/2007 10:49 PM (GMT 0)
"It felt good to have everything somewhere I will not be able to find it later"

Priceless!
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