It's all gone Pete Tong.....again

Zinniagirl - the reason I freaked about the dry mouth was because ages ago I tried oxybutynin as I was visiting the bathroom too much (at worst 6 times in 30 mins). It made my mouth so dry that even plain water was like trying to swallow ashes , my nose and eyes dried up too , I couldn't cope with it and had to give it up. Citalopram is nothing like that. I have been meaning to ask the doc about trying a different med but with all that's been happening to me I haven't quite got round to it yet - it's on my to do list   So for now I will content myself by melting my teeth with the tootsie roll pops my OH brought back from York.

Pete Tong is a DJ in UK , and we use his name as rhyming slang for "wrong" - It's all gone Pete Tong - It's all gone wrong.

Warren , my friend - a handsome , witty , intelligent toad , no doubt I have no reason to hide my vunerability - I used to , as I thought being vunerable was the same as being weak , not good enough , but I know better now. I don't want people to look at my name and think "moderator" , I want people to see that I am human , that I experience life , and that I understand what they are going through - not some high almighty that dishes advise out of a book , without comprehension of how that person actually feels. I want to share my experience with others in the hope that I have given them some insight which could help them.

Well , day 7 , I think? (could someone pass me my brain please?) Have had to take loperamide again , just the once since last time though , so that's pretty good as far as I'm concerned. The headache is still there , but so are the pain meds if I need them - so no problem there either. I can truely say I'm not depressed , and I still haven't cried (a whole week , I can't remember a week where I haven't cried , ever.) , I have too much energy , while writing this I have kept getting up to move around even though this chair has a rocking and swiveling facility , I just can't keep still , but I am happy not irritable. Hyperactive? Hypomania? Or is this how normal people feel? Maybe I was lacking in energy before so don't know how to deal with a normal amount? How should I know. All I do know is that without the meds I still get this anyway. I got a letter through saying I can now have an appointment with the mental health nurse so I hope I am like this when I see him as my doc hasn't seen me like this either.

Work has been great , I'm so glad to be back. I'm glad spring is on it's way and the days are getting longer , and warmer too. I can get back in the garden - I love gardening , and eating home grown fruit and veg , and , even when I'm too downtrodden to do anything , just sitting and looking at the flowers and wildlife , with the sun warming me , it gives me back my vibrancy , it feeds my soul.

Thankyou again for all your support ,

Take care everyone , keep smiling - it's contagious ,

Let's see how far round the world we can spread our smiles.

Smiler

Day 13. Blooming irritable , angry and depressed - cried a couple of times.

Really on edge about my counselling tomorrow as I know that things from the past are going to get dredged up.

As far as my doc is concerned meds should be working now - I will be seeing her in the morning too so we shall see what she says

Take care everyone , will let you know what's going on when I can ,

Smiler

The doc says that she thinks the med had a placebo effect at the beginning (I was so happy that something was being done - I'd finally got the ball rolling) but also some chemical effect as I had stopped crying for some time , but the pressure of making the counselling app. brought up anticipatory anx and I also started to think about all the things that had happened to me.

I am finding it easier to control my emotions outwardly which is a start. Doc is not going to do the knee jerk reaction and up the dose as it's only been two weeks , so , I'm seeing how it goes.

The counseling went well and was easier than I expected - lots of tissues , but no breaking down. I really feel I got something out of it. He has given me a lot of insight into why I feel and act the way I do - it's easier for someone else to put the pieces of the puzzle together and make sense of them , sometimes you can't see the woods for the trees. I am going back in a weeks time as I want to keep it regular now that I have opened up.

Oh , all side effects have gone.

Keep smiling everyone - if you don't , I know where you live

Thanks for listening , take care ,

Smiler

glad that you are getting better!  if it takes meds, i opt for the meds.  the alternative of feeling depressed and anxious is unacceptable.

I trook time tonight to read hw forums while my wife watches tv.  she is fatigued but her spirits are up.  if i make it through this second round of cancer i'll quailfy as "cured."  lol

do you remember adrian love on the radio?  i forget which station he was on.  my wife and i used to listen to him all the time.  just my sick mind throwing off effusium.

I'll catch up when i can.  keep the home fires burning and all that stuff.  and please continue your progress.  i'm over here on this side of the pond routing for you and praying for you.  you are a very prescious person.  in all of the millinium from the daawn of homeosapiuns to now and in all of the millinium until the sun goes supernova and destroys the solar system, ther has never been and will never be another person exactly like you.  how unique is that?  you are playing it well and, i'm confident, will continue to play it well.

warren