PLz...Need some advice..tricky situation

Please take the time to read this.. i have no one else to turn to.

Well... I'm 15. As far back as I can remember i've led a happy life and been satisfied with life. I entered high school and made a few new friends, and life was good. Then.. it happened slowly. At first I was only feeling this way on sundays(weird i kno) . Soon it progressed to what i recognised as depression. I lost any interest in anything i used to do, and felt this lingering uneasyness in my stomach. After the first month of this.. it eventually fell into hopelessness and really bad feelings. To cope with this.. i started living my life in the past. Subconsiously i tried to recreate my life from the past so i wouldnt feel this way anymore. The weird thing is it started way after the only possible trigger i can think of happened.. my parents divorced and sadly it's my fault. My mom asked me who i would like to be with. Seeing as she had mental problems i said my dad.. and that was that. Then, i asked my dad to shedule an appointment with a doctor to see if i had depression or not. He of course ridiculed at this idea.. which hurt considering it took alot of courage to say this to him not to mention he had always been a good dad. so i went downstairs and tried to disregard it. Later on he came downstairs and said you think of whats wrong and you tell me...trying to redeem himself i guess. Later on when he thought i was asleep he and my sister were talking. This is the most important part of my ramble.. My sister said so what do think of this? He replied " i think he's stupid. He's got enough going for him to be happy..(he meant materialistically of course) Those words really hurt me. My own dad thought i was stupid because i was suffereing from a mental illness. So i tried ignoring this. It hasn't gone away since and im tired of it.

 I am sorry my ramblings are long.. but thats all the information regarding my backround.

Now.. the advice I ask of you is.... what am i supposed to do to get help.. my dad won;t pay for a psychiatrist, or accept that i have depression... and my school counsellor is very cynical in nature, not to mention a close friend of my mom so the last thing i want to do is talk to her. I just need to know what to do to be me again, i miss me.

plz reply as i need all the advice i can get..thx.

Hi shreddah,

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm about your age, and it's funny how our problems are so similar. My parents didn't believe me when I attempted to tell them that I was depressed. I couldn't even face my dad, I went to my mom instead, but I guess in your case, it's vice versa. That uneasiness in your stomach, does it fell like you have butterflies, as if you were about to present infront of the whole school? and as if it comes out of nowhere, for no reason? well I've found something that works really well against that. just go outside, and breathe. Just take it easy and don't try to do everything at once, other wise it might make it worse. (well, in my case, it did)

But really, talk to someone you truely TRUST. Because when you do, you'll feel so much better. It may fell like no one is there, or that no one cares, but there is always that one person who does. That might sound kinda corny, but it's true.

best of luck,

froggy

p.s. post often