Barely holding together

I've been feeling more depressed these days more than ever! I hate these ups and downs that I keep having. One hour I'd be normal and happy, and then the tiniest thing happens and I go spiraling down to the depths of depression. I feel so sick of this, and so helpless. All around me, my life is falling apart. Everyone is avoiding me, and I feel horrible! Does depression EVER go away on its own?

froggy

 

Quite honestly I would say, "I'm depressed and I am coming to you for help". It tells the doc exactly why you are there and you can fill in details from there. You have nothing to be ashamed of and don't owe anyone an apology or explanation for how you are feeling. Any doctor worth your time to see will know that and understand.

Good Luck

Just tell him everything you are feeling, let it all out, he can't tell anyone and won't think any less of you, not that he has any reason to, but I know how hard it can feel. Anyway let me know how you get on!!

Katie x

Hi Froggy,
I am glad that you are making the first step in getting help. That is very brave,and you are going to feel alot better once you leave that office.
My suggestion is to sit down and write a list of all of your symptoms before you go. Then just simply tell the Doctor that you wrote a list of what is going on so you did not forget anything.
That saves you from having to go through it all face to face with him basically.

Good Luck and keep us posted.

Shy

Froggy: I had a bout of depression many years ago when I was a teenager - about 16. I did not seek treatment because my mother - like most everyone else in that era - didn't think depression was anything other than an emotion. It lasted about 2 yrs. So, yes, depression can go away on its own, but 2 years was a really long time to suffer. Hope your appt. went well. Keep us posted.

Don't give up on feeling better. I have been taking medication for my depression for 17 years now and it's really nice that you are not treated like a crazy person anymore. Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. Think of it as diabetes, no one blames anyone for getting that.

I feel so bad for you that your dad is so mean. I also grew up feeling like I was never good enough and it wasn't until I started seeing a therapist that I am now able to build my self esteem back up. Now I stand up to my father and he's like a fifth grade bully - all talk. It gets easier as you get older, when you are living with your parents it is much harder. Please don't ever think that hurting yourself is a way out. You are much better than that.

Hang in there and know that there are many of us out here that suffer like you do. The good thing is that we can come to a place like this and commiserate and feel better and not so alone. :)

Right now, I feel compleately empty. Somehow in the back of my mind, I think that nothing will ever help me. I truly think right now that meds are just an excuse to make you feel better, when in reality, all they are doing is masking your true problems. Maybe that's why people go to counselors and such, but I am utterly terrified by them. Just the thought of someone watching and "judging" everything I say is bone chilling to me. Maybe I have social issues. I truly feel like a failure right now, and that I'll never move any further in my life than today. Everyday just seems to repeat itself. Wake up, feel better, something happens, feel depressed once again, and then attempt to go to sleep. My friends are trying to help, but they don't fully understand, and are just making things worse. I exploded infront of them and they are finally leaving me alone. I know I shouldn't have done that, after all they were trying to help me, but somehow I couldn't help it. I spent the rest of my day silently weeping, and for no apparent reason. It's not like this was the first time I've felt like this, but today it seems to be extra bad. Is it the meds? I feel miserable and.... this feeling, it's hard to explain, a deep dark clenching feeling I guess. It's always there, even in my dreams. This has to be the worst day of the week, and it just started!

froggy

I can barely hold it together today. This morning, I actually spaced out for a full thirty minutes. Now I feel so teary and it's really hard to just keep the tears in. I got in trouble with my teacher today for not listening. I feel as if I can't do anything right! I feel like just skipping the rest of school and crying my eyes out. My mom is trying to help me with cheering up, but I've noticed how my negativty and depresed feelings worm its way into my whole family. I feel so guilty tha they have to suufer along with me. I seriously considered running away, but I knew it would hurt my mom even more. I really can't figure out how to truly express what I'm feeling like.

I have aquestion to all who are taking meds. How long did it take you for the meds to take effect? I read some posts here, but somehow, it seems like meds havn't done their job. I have great doubts with my meds, and I was wondering if anybody was still feeling depressed even if on meds.

thanks,
froggy

Thanks for the info on the meds. I'm feeling a bit better right now than I was then, but I have this horrible feeling in my chest. It might be anxiety, because that's what my doctor told me I probably also had, but it's keeping me from even laying down. I'm all nervous, but there isn't any reason for it! I know that this come up in depression, but it's never really been this bad. Is it the meds? or is this just another part of depression?

froggy

Hiya Froggy, (I LOVE the name btw! )

As for the pain in your chest, it is possible that it is part of the anxiety that your doctor told you about but I would expect it to come and go; getting worse when you are more anxious. If it is a constant pain then I would say its probably not the condition but the meds that are being used to treat it. I would go back to see your doctor and tell him and see what he says. It could be that the meds don't 'suit' you and that you need a different med.

As for the trigger event, I think it is perfectly normal for most people to feel guilty about not saying good-bye when they had an opportunity. Especially when it was their 'personality' that stopped them. That aside, im sure your grandma knew that you loved her and im sure she doesn't blame you. Perhaps this is an event you should discuss with a professional? Im sure you are not a fialure either, it just feels like you are. When you feel like that, try writing a list of things that you have achieved over the last year. They could be big things like getting an A on an exam or smaller things like seeking help with a medical condition. They are all successes and if you have acheived them then surely you are not a failure! Its all about challenging your method of thinking. If you can prove to yourself tht something is logically untrue, you can start to believe it is untrue. With reference to taking your life to the full, try just doing something once a week and start to build it up gradually. Perhaps joining a sports club is for you. (Squash is a GREAT sport. You can play by yourself if you want and it doesnt matter how hard you hit the ball it doesnt bounce back too hard... unlike tennis balls!) If sports are not your thing then maybe a reading club or gardening... stuff like that.

There are loads of people out there that love you. Maybe take some support from them

All the best

Darren

Froggy
The words that did not come out of you are not your fault. I am sure she felt what you didn't say.
What you need to remember is your personal relationship with her. If she knew that you loved her,well then that is all that matters.
I too get the pains in my chest,and that is the panic/anxiety attacks.
I know it is very frustrating right now,but you have got to give it more time. Healing takes time.


Shy

Actually, today has gone pretty well. Although the feelings of anxiety still plague me 24/7, I havn't really felt "down" this entire day! This has to be the longest that I've felt like myself. Maybe it's the meds, but I wish this feeling would never end. Sadly, I can already feel the happy sensation wanning away, being replaced by that familiar dark scary feeling. I went to see my doc, because I was having some really strange symptoms with Cymbalta, and he put me on a different med, Celexa I think 20mg. These days I have been feeling slightly less depressed, but my anxiety and tiredness are increasing. It seems that no matter what, when one thing goes away, I get something else. I'd go from dehydration to the flu, to another cold, to bronchitis and so on. Now this! I knew it, that happy feeling is gone now. In just a matter of minutes it's gone. Now I'm feeling more depressed. (amazing how I changed feelings while I was typing!)

froggy

yah I guess so. Maybe it's not always good to go back and talk about things when it'll only make it worse!

froggy