I just want to go home

It`s been a week since i left home and i just want to go home .I had my surgery and was so shocked to see what the surgeon had done to me i know it needed to be done but just to see it was bad. After the surgery i had to have treatement to the site every hour for two days there was no time to sleep just felt as soon as one treatement was over the next would begin .I was in so much pain i reacted to yet another pain relief drug which then meant i had to have injections by the end of the second day i had had enough .I just waanted to be left alone .I have to go back to see the surgeon this afternoon to have the stitches removed and get the pathology results ,but i really don`t care about all of this now i have been hiding how i`m feeling again with everyone around me it`s been so hard i just want to have a good cry and no one here would understand why.At least at home i`m by myself .Last night i would of had an hours sleep if i`m lucky and today i just feel on the edge of tears it`s not going to take much to push me over the edge .

Restless

Dear Restless
Let the tears flow, nurses are very caring and they understand you need mental comfort as well as relief of physical pain. Let out the tears and you will feel better.
I speak from experience, much experience. So trust me on this, give up trying to act like it is okay and let someone comfort you. do you thing you can do that? It does not make you a weak person , it makes you a human person.
Bless you and gentle hugs.

Maybe tonight things will improve some i`m home.I am just so exhausted things not going so well my path results were not so good and now i`m so worried the surgeon has told me its going to return as it`s a bad one . i have to have checks every three months and that entails a 1400 km round trip to see him .But for now the tears are finally flowing

Stkitt if i did while i was in hospital then i would have to tell them why and i just didn`t want to do that things were bad enough as it was .I know the nurses would of see it many times but i just couldn`t go through it all again .

Shy as for going back on the meds i don`t know if i want to in a lot of ways i just felt they were not helping me at all for the time being i just want to see how i go i`m just hoping things will settle down .I have a few more children to look after and also a two month old baby i know just caring for them will help me a lot as i won`t get time to think about my own problems this is how i coped for many years .

Will drop in again soon but for now i`m heading to bed hoping that tonight i will be able to sleep .                  Restless.

Right now it is too difficult to make any decisions about the future and meds and everything. Concentrate on what is right before you and getting better. Then you will have time to think about the future. I had never been in the hosptial until I was 38 years old. I had to have an abdominal operation and was in the hosptial for 7 days. During that time I cycled through the most horrific anxiety and high blood pressure. My doctor came and talked to me and he said that it is normal for your blood pressure to get out of wack and to have anxiety even if you have never had it before because the process of surgery wacks out your hormones. I am sure that all of this is in effect for you. Six weeks really is a magic moment when things seem to knit themselves back together. Get that far and then see if the world has new eyes.

The sleep problem hasn`t got any better and today i had to see this dr here just to get some more cream to put on the graft he tells me he thinks it`s infected and wrote out a script for antibiotics but i know it`s fine sure it`s a little red but he hasn`t seen it before and does not know what it looked like but i see it improving each day .It`s not where i wanted to be but i`m slowly getting there .Every time i look in the mirror i feel so down and it`s really hard not looking as there are so many mirrors in my house .
I have been keeping busy so as not to think about all my problems and taking on more children so keep me occupied a bit more .
Restless

Thanks Shy but looking after the kids is the only thing thats really keeping me here at the moment .
I still have a couple of animals that i care for but nothing apart from the little kiddies interest me .
Just trying to hang in there for a bit longer to see if things improve .
Restless