HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

i can't do this i can't get out

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 5/27/2007 2:22 AM (GMT 0)
I feel like I just keep falling and I have no strength to fight.  I started out 6 years ago with anxiety but with the past year and half its been more depression.  I don't know what sparked this latest depression.  I have no friends, I never had many.  I used to hang out with a couple of my cousins but one by one they've stopped calling or inviting me out.  I do have a boyfriend but I don't think he can handle all my problems.  I'm not happy and I haven't been in awhile.  I keep getting frustrated with him and complain to him about all the stuff he doesn't do for me.  The truth is we've been together for over 4 and a half years and he's been my rock.  He's always been there for me and I was waiting for the day when all my problems became too much.  I'm currently unemployed.  I can't seem to find a job i can keep.  Right now I like not working.  I feel like I should really get my head together.  I'm so weak mentally.  I can't fight back.  I've always told myself that I'm not good enough.  I don't love myself.  My family has been there for me but I don't want to keep burdening them with all this crap.  I started out on Paxil and it worked great but made me gain alot of weight.  I went off it and tried lexapro.  Lexapro caused me more anxiety.  I then went to effexor with i had allergic reaction to.....so they put me back on paxil.  It worked well until i got really depressed from all the weight gain.  I've been on cymbalta for almost a year.  I keep telling the docs its not working.  They've raised it and then lowered it.  I don't have a pysch right now.  Its gonna take a few weeks to see a new one.  I feel so low right now and don't know how to get out of this hole I've dug.  I've tried to make new friends but its tough.  I'm 26 and most people just want to go to bars and I don't.  I feel like my boyfriend is gonna dump me if I don't get better.  I know that I will just fall apart completely if we break up.  I'm so afraid and lost.  I know I won't hurt myself or anyone.  I just don't want to feel like this anymore.  I need to get on the right path but how do i find it?
Posted 5/27/2007 2:48 AM (GMT 0)
Angelwings,

I've suffered from depression for about 40 years both medicated and unmedicated and I can tell you that although it is difficult the best thing to remember is that it does lift eventually. There are several things I do when I'm low. One is to get a book that I like and read it from beginning to end in about two days. Something about following the story and the activities of the people in the book kind of reboots my mood. I don't know why but it works.

I have also found that doing one thing completely, say cleaning out my top drawer or scrubbing out the tub & shower makes me feel so much better. It's a visible accomplishment that I keep seeing every day and gives me a little lift. Walking or swimming makes me feel better also, especially if I walk by the river in our town where it's beautiful and there are ducks and stuff. Soothes my spirit.

The last thing that works for me is a good cry. When I tell my hubby I've had "a day" (as we call it) he just gives me a hug and I end up crying. I know that crying releases a sadness enzyme that is found in the brain's chemistry and gets rid of it all at once so I usually feel much better after that cry.

And as for the afraid and lost feelings, I think everyone has them. It's just that some peeps are better at hiding their fears. When things are rough I usually fake it until I can make it. I just keep plugging along and doing my best. All of these things are no cost and may help until you can get your feelings straightened out. Wish I could help more.
Posted 5/28/2007 1:40 AM (GMT 0)
Did you try Wellbutrin? It is supposedly more "activating" than some of the others.
Posted 5/28/2007 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
sad  I am sorry to hear what you are going through.  I guess to a certain degree I can relate to what you are saying.  Everyones depression is different but I will tell you that sometimes it is hard to believe that someones depression is worse than mine.  I struggle every day looking for a positive way to enjoy what I call "hell" on earth.

 

As far as your boyfriend, I know what it is like to hold on by a thread to the one reason you feel you have to be strong.  I have experienced what it is too have him by my side and I have experienced life where I never thought I would ever go on without him.  My children are a big part of my decision to live and as they should be but I will tell you in all honesty that he is just as big a reason.  Now I will say that there will be people that will say that your children should be enough but I have to lash out and say that anyone that has been truly in love would be lying if they said their s/o was not a major reason as well.

 

The advice I give is this.........if you are active in your relationship, BE STRONG IN KNOWING THAT YOU DO HAVE SUPPORT, that is something many do not have.  Yes you can have depression and lean on him but you also have to show that you appreciate his support and that you are doing your best.  You will find even on your darkest days, he will make you produce a smile.

 

I would be wrong in saying all else will fall into place because that will also be work, just know that there are people that care.

 

Meds for me have been a disaster as well.  I have been over 40 different meds from lithium, tofranil to the latest, wellbutrin.  I also have the vns implant for depression which has been turned off for other reasons.

 

This site is wonderful and is a great source of peace and validation.

Posted 5/28/2007 8:31 PM (GMT 0)
I am surprised to read that you are so young and already been through so much. I'm 27 and a half, not so much over you, and recently began to feel unhappy with ‘life’ myself. I connected with some of what you wrote: difficulty of socializing and weight problems (I have suffered P.O.S in the past, where my weight jumped up 15 kilos in a year thanks to a real lousy doctor and wrong medication. I have been struggling to reach my normal weight ever since.) I'm glad that you have a boyfriend there for you, and in my book four years is a long, long time. I am glad to see that you have someone who is so understanding and willing to be there.

But I can understand where your fear of losing him is coming from... People never believe me when I say this, but with whole honesty: I have been single all my life save for a man I ‘dated’ for over five months, and that is it. I have reached a point after being single for so long, that now I wholeheartedly believe I am single for life. No one can hit 28 and hardly have any history of relationships? So I salute you on keeping 4 years relationship under such difficult circumstances! As faithfully 4 u says: While some people have husbands and children that they use as reasons and motivation for making it day by day, maybe your boyfriend should be that anchor point. I am sure that you do make an effort to care for him and such, but is there maybe a way you can turn it around to help yourself? As Jeannie up there states how she takes little activities day by day to boost her motivation and mood, maybe your boyfriend should be your “activity”. I certainly wouldn’t say drown him with love and over attention (that might just kill the relationship)… but more in a discreet fashion. Decide that when you are about to give up, you insist on going on for not only your sake, but for his sake too. Make little accomplishments that would cheer you up, and cheer him up as well…etc

And I think there is nothing wrong with feeling that he is your rock. EVERY human being has a rock. I think what you SHOULDN’T be worrying about is ‘what if you break up’ and focus more on the now and making things better. Nothing can kill motivation more than anxiety.

You said people like to go to bars, and yet you don’t. How funny, this also seems to be my situation of late: I was never a social butterfly, but I certainly was active and had no problem making friends. I seem to have grown out of clubbing, and have never been a drinker. I can pretty much say my friends over do it with the alcohol. Bit by bit I am drifting further and further from people I have known all my life, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a call for change. My only suggestion to you in terms of finding friends is maybe you are not choosing the right ones? I know how HARD it is to meet the right people, but they are there, you certainly don’t have to be limited to the ones who are incompatible with your lifestyle and interests!

And now: The weight problem. I don’t know if you are still stuck with the excess weight thanks to the meds, if you are, then I have an offer for you, just let me know and we’ll talk about it here.

I feel weird writing all the above, to tell the truth. I’m no Dr. Phil or pro on life, and lately can’t even keep myself from falling apart. How is it I go about talking like I know anything :P ??????

~Nat
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply