Rage

I suffer with rage as a symptom of my depression.  When I was zombied out on the Effexor XR it was under control but I've come off of it, trying to regain some of my footing in the world, but the rage is coming back and it scares me.  My husband and I visited our counsellor this past Friday and I was talking about this, and her response was "You have control over your emotions and how they manifest themselves."  Meaning I should be able to find better ways to deal with the anger.  But when my son is whining at me, and my daughter has dirtied herself and whatever else might be going on at the same time, a mess to clean up or something ends up broken or the kids are argueing and not listening to anything, or complaining cause their hungry but I put food on the table and they (particularly my son) chose not to eat it, and the list of "issues" goes on.  If it's just one thing at a time I can deal with it - usually.  It's when everything seems to happen at the same time.  I suddenly lose it.  I hit myself - usually my head.  And scream.  I have quite a temper tantrum.  And my biggest problem is it always seems to be the kids that have to deal with it.  And it's not like I can say, "okay honey, I've had enough, it's your turn".  My husband works evenings and is gone 5 out of 7 days a week.  So I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to "control my emotions" in these circumstances.   It just that in the moment when everything is going wrong and the kids are pushing all my buttons, I start to feel incredibly ovewhelmed and my head just feels like it's going to explode if I don't just let it out.  It's like I'm trapped in a cage and I can't get out. 

Things are much better now than they used to be before my depression was medicated in anyway.  I actually taught my son to throw temper tantrums...  It was when he started banging his head on anything that was available when he got frustrated, that made me realize I had to get it under control by whatever means necessary.  It was drugged under control, and push comes to shove, I'm thinking of going back there...  It's better for the kids when I'm not so crazy.

But I'm curious what others think of this, in particular what they think of the counsellor's comments in conjunction with someone suffering severe depression.  I know there are things that can make the above outbursts more likely, one is being on the computer or watching tv before I've got the kids settled.  It's like I go into "relax" mode and getting myself going again is more difficult, thus my patience levels are lowered.  So I try very hard not to get into either the tv or the computer (the second one being the most difficult to avoid seeing as I feel like it's my link to my sanity in some crazy way!), but some nights, I am just so tired, it happens, and then all chaos usually ends up breaking out as my reward!

Any comments or suggestions or opinions welcome.

slowlygoingcrazy

 Slowly~

With my depression i also rage.  I have hit my head against walls, pulled tons of hair out while screaming at the top of my lungs, i have read that it is the same thing as when people cut themselves as it is a release of emotion and pain.  It is a horrible thing to experience. I know during the times that I have raged, it felt good at the time because I either bruised myself or scratched myself so bad that I bled.

 

I have been put on antipsychotics for the rages, and to be honest im not sure if they helped or not.  Now i have noticed that when I rage i am usually in a place where the rage i feel has to be tabled and that only makes me madder.  Lately i have thrown things and banged my head against a wall.  I have been so angry at times that if i got angry while i was driving i thought about taking out what was making me mad, totally irrational i know.

 

Lately i have noticed that i am really angry at myself.  I actually think right now that i am truly a loserr!!  I listen to that song loser and think yup that is that is me.  I lately have felt useless, hopeless and worthless.  Everyone says that i shouldnt feel that way.  Lets put it this way, i wouldnt even say walk a day in my shoes because i wouldnt wish that on anyone.

 

You know sometimes we with depression are seen as strong people.  How long do we have to be strong?  In 42 years I am getting tired, i think that is where alot of my rage comes from, myself.

 

It is awful when the person you hate the most lives within you.

Rage?
I think that therapist is nuts! If you could control the darn emotions you wouldn't be there!
I used to feel just like you when my kids were young and I was really messed up. It was horible around the time for my period.
I gad a car crash and within a year I had gran mal seizures. Epilepsy reared its ugly head. Doc said that might have something to do with personality changes. I think it is Bipolar. Back in the 60's no one knew anything. I self medicated and it really didn't help. Then after I stopped having seizures the rages stopped. Of course the kids had gotten older.
Get a complete brain scan rule out other posibilities.