venting

Jenni462:

I am at work and I also had an intense therapy session today but I wanted to reach out to you as much as I can and say I'm sorry things are so tough. However, I am 42, am still "weird" and I pride myself on being a "freak". Weird to me means "unique" non-conforming, has her eyes open, says what she means, calls people on their rudeness etc. Not BAD.

Are you in counseling? I hope so, I know it's helping me immensely to talk to someone. I think it would be good for you to talk with a counselor. You are so down on yourself and that's a place I can relate to. I think you really need help and that you DESERVE help.

Take care dear

:)

Jenni462 said...


I am starting to talk to a therapist but it is so hard to stick with them, because for me they are usually not such a big help.

Jenni I have been there. I'm not sure where you are/the availability of counselors, but if one counselor doesn't fit, then try another one. I've been to 6 counselors over the course of 42 years and of them all, 2 really helped me. One of the 2 I am seeing now and I never thought I would be able to tell another person (other than my husband) the things I've been able to share with her. And feel safe.

Your second post I could also relate to....why did this weird thing happen? It must have been my fault. It's taking me a lot to realize that not everything is my fault too. Of course we all make mistakes, but are blaming yourself for everything?

As I said I want to write more but this morning's counseling session was intense. However I am learning that it is okay to say "I am tired/stressed/overwhelmed but I care about what is happening to you, I just can't give you much right now except my support." So please understand I want to give you more right now but I can't . But I hope to talk with you again.

Jenni
Actually what is "not weird???? I too am weird..I cry for no reason ( or so they all think) I scream, I laugh at stupid things and at times I just don't deal with anyone for weeks.

I often think of myself as the one and only "bad luck". It seems that no matter how good I try to be to people or just to myself in general I get crapped on,hurt and cheated.

Life throws us major curves,it steals our soul and tests us to where we don't think we would ever be able to pull ourselves up.

I have been feeling like that so much these days that I often wonder what I am even doing as a mod on this site.

I do think that us as depressed people are probably the strongest ones there are. Who else could walk around each day with a half smile when we really feel like falling to our knees and crying until there are no more tears left?

Shy

Hi Jenni,

I can relate to some of the things you've written here. I haven't put my finger on it, but it seems like things go in cycles sometimes. You know, phrases like "when it rains it pours", etc. I've found that if I'm in a "bad place" whether that's my attitude or just all of the negative energy around me, things seem to just "happen". I recently had a bunch of problems with my wife, my business, my finances, and I even had two computers totally die on me - all within a couple of weeks. It got to where it was laughable and I found myself saying, "what else could possibly happen?" By the way, don't ever say that out loud because there's PLENTY that could still happen! ;-)

On the flip side, I've found that when I'm in a "good place" as far as my attitude and outlook (that's a big one), things tend to go my way and come to me easier than the norm. As I said, I haven't put my finger on it as far as if it's energy (you get what you put out there) or attitude (ditto) or demeanor (same), but I do know that if you can get yourself into a better frame of mind (I know, easier said than done...), you might just see some positive changes.

I hope that helped even a little teeny bit!

Take care and I'll keep reading your posts. The great people here in this forum are listening and we all care about you.

Rick...