I am in need of help now.

Hi Shy,

You have been there for me, so I thought I would try and be there for you too.  I just have a few things to say sweets, (which as you know I am really long winded but I think in this situation the less said the better.)  I just want you to ponder this:

1. You are with a b/f that supposedly makes you feel secure, and I am assuming that you want to be loved right?  If this is the "right man" would you ever be considering going back on your meds?

2.We are all creatures that HATE change, and we will do almost anything to keep things the way they are, but is the way they are, healthy, and does it make you happy?

3. Being creatures that hate change, sometimes "depression" can be like an old friend and being depressed feels more normal than being happy.

4. When you got through your divorce, and you said what we all say "I will never do that again", is this the "type" of man whom you thought in the back of your mind, "I could do marriage again if he were only like what you have now?

Just things to think about.

Hugs to you, Sophiabella

oh yea...ps you should kick yourself in the behind if you let him have anything from that 3rd check!!!  It is YOURS! Start demanding things in your life that make YOU happy, and when YOU are happy, you will be less apt to have tiffs with the kids.  Never settle for something less than what makes you happy, even though happiness is not something you are used to having on a continuing basis, you should try to have happiness, and to keep it when you do get it!  Dont settle for less, just because of what you are "used to feeling"  Okay, I am done now.  Keep us posted, we care about you too!!    

I am glad you took a stand and now he knows where your coming from Shy.  Sucking up is only good to a certain point.  You said rent and I had a flashback..

Oh! which reminds me...today I took my mom's dog Henry Miller (long story for another day) for a walk and this guy rides by me on this really nice brand new Harley.  He went about half a block down and turned around and came back up the road and then I saw it was my ex-husband.  I just kept my head up and focused on looking at the ground but I could feel him staring at me.  I cant believe the jerk went out and bought a Harley!  Oh well, you know what they say about little boys and their toys, trying to compensate for things they lack

Hi Shy,

I just wanted to know how you are doing, especially after the long weekend.  Hang in there, you are a giver and that should give you the karma you need to make a decision that only you can make, only YOU know what is best for You!  I am glad he is kissing you a**, pehaps when you really put your foot down, he will quit taking advantage of you.  You know as with emotional abuse, it is the same as physical abuse, the only difference is the bruises are on the inside for nobody to see, and only you to feel.  Now that he is kissing yout a**, is shows that he always knew what you really wanted. My counselor once told me that that means that he knew all along what is was that you needed from him, and he didnt do it until there was a threat of losing you.  To me, them knowing what you want and not giving it to you until it may benefit them is the worst thing of all.  It means they are aware of what you need and dont give it to you on perpose, and that is worse than the emotioal abuse itself.  Of couse he has his good points, they all do, otherwise we wouldnt have fallen in love with them to begin with.  There is always that hope that maybe, just maybe he gained respect for you, and maybe he will change?  I think we all hope that for you.  I hope everything works out for you, you deserve the best!  Please don't forget that sweets!

Hugs, sophiabella

Hi,

I am new to this discussion but not new to depression. I think I can remember having sad thoughts at a very young age

It is good to vent, and get opinions from everyone, but in the end it is your decision

You have to weigh the goods and the bads, see which one outweighs the other. Sometimes when we are depressed we tend to let everything and everyone get to us. Your decision has to be what makes you happy. If you are afraid you can't make it on your own, "you have just said you pay almost all the rent" maybe you really can make it on your own. I am not one to preach at anyone, I simply just try to help them look at things in a different prespective. If you are not on medication maybe it is time to get on some. I can go off my medication maybe for 6 months, but I know when it is time to get back on it. I hate taking meds and did not take them for a long time because I thought it made me a weak person. But I would much rather have happy thoughts then lay in bed and not want to get up. Back to you, you will decide when it is time for you. Things might look a little different when you get back on some meds, then again you might decide you have had enough and go out on your own. Your bf is probley old enough he should of cut his apron strings, but if he hasn't by now he most likely never will, and you don't need that. Your family is as important as his is. So don't let him get away with not being able to have your family near you

I wish you luck and if you ever need someone to talk to just hollar, I am a good listener

Take care of YOU   You are IMPORTANT TO!!

Dear Shy,

First of all, I am sending you a big hug, you must be exhausted at this point!  I am sorry to hear that you had to fill all your meds again. Can I just ask you a few questions?  Um, well, first of all, I cant remember if you had already said it, but how old is this "man"? Secondly, you said you were off your meds for several years.  What was going on in your life that made it so that you didnt NEED any medication? My last question sweets, I promise, we all hear how bad this guy is and the bad things that he has done, and of course in our minds it is like "What is the matter with this shy girl why doesnt she just leave the a** H**e!" Well, I just figure by how he flaunts how many girlfriends he has had, he has to be good looking, but you know the fact that he flaunts it is because he is so very insecure and wants you to really truely believe how very lucky you are to have him, because "so many other women have in the past" So, what is so great about this guy?  What do you really love about him, honestly?  What are his good qualities?  If all we hear is the bad stuff, how can we give you any sound advice?  I know you need to vent here, and I am probably the biggest venter on the entire boards and of course venting is good for you, but we just gotta know why this man is worth going back on your meds for?  List every good quality you can think of if you can, okay!

I really hurt for you the way you life is going, so I need to hear some good stuff, and if there really isnt any, then you dont really need our advice, you just get out of it, and I mean run!!!  But I am sure there has to be something wonderful about him, so let us know.   

Hugs,

sophiabella

You know what hell I am going through on my post.  He also talked about the many many x-girlfriends, and I could never really figure out why, because I was in the la la stage of falling in love with him.  I saw some of the immature ways, and thought, I can live with that, this guy is so loving and giving, and never ever argues.  (he still doesnt argue, he always ends up saying he is sorry in the end)  He was the exact opposite of my abusive x-husband.  I had money, he didnt, I didnt care because he was what every woman dreamed about having. (except for the money)  Always considerate, good values, strong in his views, but open minded to mine, and did I mention he is movie star drop dead good looking in a younger 6'4" George Clooney kinda way?  He was strong and gentle too.  Yet, there were things that bothered me a bit, like why is he just 3 years younger than me and he doesnt have anything to show for it?  Why is he driving a 20 year old sports car that he was in love with?.....but ya know, those things were like distant bells in the back of my mind, and that is where I kept them, never to be analized.  Had I known, or had enough balls so to speak to look at the things that were way back in the back of my mind, I would have not gotten so serious, I would have ran the other way.   (well ...after a few dates anyway he is the best looking man I have ever seen in person! haha),,,,,and now here I am in hell.  You sweets, on the other hand, have the distant bells clanging in your head so loud, you cant hear or see what you need to see.  You have a chance, the best chance that can be given to any woman before she marries, you can see a glimmer of your future....your true future before you get married.  All of those tears are a blessing, not a curse.  Going back on your meds, is a sign from above, not a curse.  You are truely blessed.  Be happy those bells are there so loud right now.  You can keep going and fight the bells, or go the path you were meant to be on.  It is up to you.

I personally believe that we all have a destiny, and every single time I have fought to have my way, things turned out really bad, and when I just let me life flow the way it was suppose to, things were easy, good things fall in your lap without a struggle.  How you choose to live your life is up to you.  Either way, we are all here to care about you, worry about you, and be happy for you with what ever choice you make, or road you take in life.  Keep us posted, we are all human, we all understand , we have all been there.........

Big Hugs,

Sbella