HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

I think I may have hit bottom and need help

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 8/19/2007 8:07 AM (GMT 0)
This is a little silly. I have never even used a message board let alone shared my personal information, but I am freaking myself out a little lately.

I guess this is the part where I share a little about what's going on. Basically in the last year I got Valley Fever, my wife cheated on me while I was in the hospital, got divorced, ran away and gave her the house the dogs everything, moved to SD, couldn't find work, moved back to my hometown, started dating a girl, she cheats on me, we stay together and then I move to another city for work and now we break up.

Somewhere in all of that I lose all of my friends as I battled depression (first time I have admitted that I think I had depression). The girl I dated was the only person that seemed to care about me and now I have nobody. Now, I am in a tiny apartment in a small town where I know nobody and I am starting to realize how screwed up my life is. Just a year ago I owned a three-bedroom house had a wife I loved, three great dogs and the life I wanted.

My girlfriend and I broke up on Thursday and I really haven't slept since and I hate who I am becoming. I don't trust anybody, I don't like who I have become and I don't know what to do next. I don't expect anybody on the internet to be able to tell me what to do but I needed to get this off my chest. This whole year has been exhausting, it seems like every time something positive happens it is followed by something horrible.

Thanks for listening to anybody who might read this.
Posted 8/19/2007 10:59 AM (GMT 0)
Wow. You've really been on a rollercoaster. Once on something like this, it's hard to get off. Have you thought of getting professional help? I did, and it really helped.

It's easy to focus only on the problems. That's part of the rollercoaster. It would help if you had other things to focus on as well. What are some things you like to do? It's time to take small steps towards those things so you can get back a better sense of life. Life is tough, but it doesn't have to stay tough all the time. You need to find another direction. Direction Determines Destination. What destinations would you like your life to go? It helps to talk it out.

Ed

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 9/4/2007 4:30:41 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/19/2007 12:55 PM (GMT 0)
Tom
First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,I am very glad that you found us and I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for.

I am very sorry for everything that you have went through,life throws us curves all of the time.
I wanted to tell you that I can relate to the whole starting over in life. It is so hard. I was married for 13 years and have found that getting back on my feet after the divorce is no picnic.
One thing too that I noticed in your post, the last 2 women cheated on you..sometimes I think we seem to pick people that are similar to our last mates,and then they seem to hurt us the same way. Do you think that might be possible in your case?

Please keep us posted and stay strong.

Shy
Posted 8/20/2007 4:03 AM (GMT 0)

Tom,

Going through divorce is so hard.  I've been there and I know how it feels.  Maybe you need to learn to like being by yourself for a while before getting in another relationship.  Trust me, I know it takes time to learn that you don't have to have another person in your life to be o.k. and you don't want to make another bad decision.  First of all, figure out where you are going to settle down and get yourself another dog.

Go out and do some volunteer work.  You would be surprised at how many people you can meet that way and how rewarding it feels to help others.

Keep posting and welcome to the site.

Carla

Posted 8/20/2007 9:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tom,

Like Shy, I want to welcome you to the forums and hope that you find everything that you need here.

Have you considered talking to a doctor about the way that you are feeling at the moment. Depression is well known for destroying relationships and this can be hard for the person who is left on their own. Talk therapy (Such as CBT) is a great way of changing those thought patterns and get you back on your feet. You may find that meds will help you get through this and help you get to the other side.

I wish you all the best

Darren

Posted 8/20/2007 9:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tom you have been through a lot recently sad Like someone already suggested I think you could benefit from CBT. If you work on the exercises they really can transform the way you think and live. You can join a CBT group or read books and do the exercises if you are self motivated. There's a great introductory book by Sam Obitz that is easy to relate to on CBT and the ones by David Burns and Claire Weekes are also great. Remember there is light at the end of the tunnel :-)
Posted 8/21/2007 1:16 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Tom, How are you this evening ? I am from south Dakota and just curious as to what little town you tried on for size ?
Wouldn't it be funny if I had bumped into you at the grocery store and now meet you here...it is  small world sometimes. Hope you find oeace within your heart. Life can be hard but it is here that you might start living again. I am glad you posted and come visit us in the chat rooms too. It is fun and loads of support from very sweet people. Write soon...........we all care about you. Annie 
Posted 8/21/2007 2:22 AM (GMT 0)

CBT Girl,

I used to hate the Burn's book, only because it made me work on my issues.  In 1994 when my ex-husband decided he was ready for a new wife, I went into deep depression.  I was seeing a psychiatrist here but decided I needed in-patient help and I wanted to get far away.  I went out to CA for 30 days in patient treatment and loved the therapist, Jeannie I had so much that after I finally came home, after spending another five weeks in Laguna Beach, I did my therapy over the phone with her.  This worked very well for me.

Jeanne would have me journal  between sessions and work on the Burn's workbook.  I would tell her I hated the Burn's book or I would tell her I lost it, which she knew wasn't true.  Then I would tell her I would make sure to find it and work in it before the next session.  We were both laughing, so it wasn't like I was lying, but she was also letting me know that I had better work in that workbook before I talked to her the next week.

When I was moving this past December, guess what I found?  The Burn's book and I didn't throw it away.  I would also highly recommend it.  It makes you dig deep within yourself.

Carla

Posted 8/24/2007 6:45 PM (GMT 0)

another day said...
CBT Girl,



I used to hate the Burn's book, only because it made me work on my issues. In 1994 when my ex-husband decided he was ready for a new wife, I went into deep depression. I was seeing a psychiatrist here but decided I needed in-patient help and I wanted to get far away. I went out to CA for 30 days in patient treatment and loved the therapist, Jeannie I had so much that after I finally came home, after spending another five weeks in Laguna Beach, I did my therapy over the phone with her. This worked very well for me.



Jeanne would have me journal between sessions and work on the Burn's workbook. I would tell her I hated the Burn's book or I would tell her I lost it, which she knew wasn't true. Then I would tell her I would make sure to find it and work in it before the next session. We were both laughing, so it wasn't like I was lying, but she was also letting me know that I had better work in that workbook before I talked to her the next week.



When I was moving this past December, guess what I found? The Burn's book and I didn't throw it away. I would also highly recommend it. It makes you dig deep within yourself.



Carla

Carla, I can so relate to what you are saying here. I hated countering my thoughts at first and never thought it was gonna help me, but once I started to see the benefits I was getting from it I applied myself more and I am the biggest CBT fan around now. I needed to ease my way into CBT so I am glad I didn't start with Burns book because it is so thick it would have scared me but I have grown to love it now and refer back to it often. Take care :-)
Posted 8/25/2007 12:02 PM (GMT 0)
I too was the biggest skeptic ever about CBT...........I know I am and have been able to make serious life changes due to an online CBT workbook /workshop

I know if I had tried the Burns book I would not have carrried on with the CBT..........

I do wish you all the best Tom and Welcome to HW

LYN
Posted 8/26/2007 5:13 AM (GMT 0)

Could you tell me how to find the on-line CBT workbook/workshop?

Thanks!

Carla

Posted 8/26/2007 9:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hi ...it would be nice if tiggytom

would let us know that he is well. It concerns me to have no correspondence for so long. Annie

Posted 8/27/2007 5:41 AM (GMT 0)

Annie,

I was thinking about him also and wondering how he is doing.  Hopefully, he will check in soon and let us know how he is doing.  I hope he hasn't gotten into another relationship already.

Carla

Posted 9/21/2007 6:56 PM (GMT 0)

another day said...
Could you tell me how to find the on-line CBT workbook/workshop?



Thanks!



Carla

I'm sorry this reply so is so late but you can usually find good CBT clinics through your local universities psyche dept and they may even have one that is at a reduced fee. The books by Sam Obitz and David Burns are also worth checking out. Good luck, CBT is great stuff :-)
Posted 9/21/2007 7:00 PM (GMT 0)

Howlyncat said...


I know if I had tried the Burns book I would not have carrried on with the CBT..........

LYN

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought it was too much to start with, but I do find it a great resource now that I am over the hump!
Posted 9/21/2007 10:21 PM (GMT 0)

dude, i feel for tom.  but i think a complete change can sometimes be a good thing.  you get to completely reinvent yourself, even if you can't see out of the darkness at first.  it sounds cheesy, but i think there are usually positives w/in every negative situation....

Posted 10/8/2007 6:08 PM (GMT 0)

lyndeesings said...
it sounds cheesy, but i think there are usually positives w/in every negative situation....


Not cheesy, just realistic tongue
Posted 11/21/2007 11:49 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, the Sam Obitz book www.tao3.com is a great way to go if you're interested in CBT.
Posted Yesterday 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
Your life sounds a lot like mine did, only I am home with my folks at nearly 35, with no job, debt over my head, thanks to my ex, two dogs, and in an area where there is little to know work, and I have yet to finish college. My cousin just became a therapist and has enouraged me to do CBT, but I have yet to find a place to go. Perhaps Ill pick up that book? I'm lonely as all hell while all my friends around me are in love or falling in love. I've been suicidal, hospitalized, and abandoned by my closest friends. I feel your pain. Sometiems I just want a warm set of arms to make it all right.
Posted Today 4:56 PM (GMT 0)
tiggytom

Hello there, this is Kitt.  I see you have a lot of good advice and I hope your reading here.  I have noticed that you only posted once and that is ok. 

Sometimes there is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of Healing Well and still being able to be anonymous.

Please post if you choose as we are here for you and support you.

Take care of you.

Kitt

Posted 2/2/2008 5:28 AM (GMT 0)
I hope you were able to start cbt misspstink. I have felt the depths you are feeling and please know ther is hope and help available.
Posted 2/5/2008 11:44 PM (GMT 0)
Never give up hope! Even if what works for me and many others CBT does not work for you there are plenty of other possibilities to try.
Posted 2/6/2008 12:36 AM (GMT 0)

Hey all, this is an old post from August.  I am a huge fan of CBT and if you all want to start a new thread to talk about your success and help members understand how well it works feel free and comfortable to start a thread. yeah

We love to have everyone participate when they are comfortable.
Thanks and  glad to have you posting.

Kitt

Posted 2/11/2008 7:43 PM (GMT 0)
I just replied to you on my cbt experience in another thread and will cut and paste that in the new thread. Cbt is amazing if you work at the exercises.
Posted 2/20/2008 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
Good idea kitt and CBT is the best. Maybe we can make this one a sticky and I'll add my encouragement to your post when I see it bigbear :)
CBT yea yeah
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply