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Posted 9/23/2007 11:02 PM (GMT 0)
I am unhappy and feel lost. I shouldn’t. I am good looking, intelligent, young and a good person. I have had a bad year, and a life changing experience. I needed emergency surgery to remove my appendix—on my birthday. I was involved in a fight in which I was stabbed in the face. The scar will be on my face for the rest of my life. The fight changed my perspective on life. I realize now that life matters, and the average male has 28488 days on this earth. I am 19 and 6939 of my days are behind me. I want to enjoy my life and be happy. I am not.

I currently spend my time at my computer desk, sleeping or alone. I want to be more social, have more friends and drastically improve my skills with women. I have all the tools I need to do this, but not the motivation. I am lazy and hate myself for it.

I want to be in better shape, read more and spend less time alone on my computer. I want to change my outlook on life but don’t want to be accused by my current friends of being weird, changing in a way they don’t like or generally being a tool. Sometimes I think even wanting to change is sad.
I am a college student and soon will have to find a way to finance my education. My parents both went to West Point and I am currently taking classes for ROTC. I have not gotten a scholarship yet and am debating if I should. My school would be paid for but a lot of my free time would be swallowed up and I would owe the Army five years of my life. I could instead take out a student loan and be $50,000 in debt. I need to decide which form of bondage is better. In the Army I will be in good shape, have great benefits, lead men, but will not be independent. I could also easily die with the world as chaotic as it is. If I take out a loan, I will have the free time I desire but will be living with a monkey on my back and owe a large sum of money. I can probably pay this debt off but it will take me around 5-10 years, the same amount of time I would be in the Army.

I want to be more organized. I should drink less. I should go outside more. I need a job. I want a girlfriend. I want to be happy with myself.

I think I can do all of these things, I just have no idea where or how to start.

 

Reason for edit:

 

I ahve taken a small section out of your post at the beginning, in line with rule #1 (https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997) We are not allowed to permit discussions of illegal activities.

Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 9/24/2007 4:52:28 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/23/2007 11:56 PM (GMT 0)

Origin

I want to start by saying how sorry I am that you have had such a hard time. However you have come out of it. You are on the right road. It's good that you understand what life's really about now. I noticed what you said about your friends, how they may think your weird for changing, but the truth is, if they are really your friends, they would want you to change for the better. They should accept you for who you want to be. As for getting out more, maybe you could join a club or something. You said you were a college student, is there any joins or anything you can get involved in? That could be a start. Maybe if you enjoy sports, you could play with some friends or something. Anything that will get you involoved in the community could be good.

Maybe go to the gym. Work out. You can meet people there and get in shape. Physical exercise is a great way to relieve stress and it may help you.

You don't have to change overnight. Take it slow. Do a little at a time and build up to who you want to be. You don't have to rush. You can do it! You seem like you know what you want, so work toward it a little at a time! Keep your head up and work hard!

As for the college stuff, I can't tell you what to do, you have to decide what you want. I know a bunch of people in the army, they are all great. They have met alot of people and have a bunch of new army friends. A few are in Iraq right now fighting for our country! They all have social lives and free time. However, if you decide to go to school thats great as well! You will have free time and you can still meet new people. Either way you will be fine. It is up to you as to what you want to do.

With everything you have been through I suspect it has made you a stronger person. You will get where you are going soon enough. You can do it. And, its great that you know you can do it! You just have to decide which road to travel down and you will be on your way!

Anyways, I hope you get there soon. Its great you have decided to change your life. I wish the wish for you. Take care!!

Posted 9/24/2007 3:14 AM (GMT 0)
hi origin

boy do i know how you feel. first of all, you are only 19. we have all done things that we wish we could undo. you are HUMAN! i totally agree withe tennisd0c09...if your friends think you are weird, then you need to forget them. its important to find people that love you for who you are...i know that sounds so cliche. i also think its hard to be in that "in-between" phase of life -- you are not an adult, nor are you really a kid anymore. by deciding that you want to change, you really are headed in the right direction. i have also decided to deal w/ my issues head on, and it is totally scary. as far as the drinking goes, remember alcohol is a depressant. while i am not anti-drinking, just remember it can absolutely effect your mood and state of mind. (believe me, i totally enjoy my maritini's!) and remember, while a change of scenery (i.e. the army) may seem like a good thing, it may just temporarily distract you from whats really deep down. (and, while i love our troops, i think this war is causing a great amount of damage to people in our age group...)

keep on keepin on.
Posted 9/24/2007 11:02 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Origin and Welcome to HealingWell,

I completely understand how you feel. I am 22, so I am a similar age and when I failed my first year of A Levels when I was 16/17, I felt lost and couldnt work out how to get to where I wanted to be. For me, the trick was to work out what I enjoyed doing. Could you do 5 years in the army without being independent or would it drive you round the bend? As for drinking less... that is something you can get councelling for. It is hard, but completely do-able. As for the girlfriend, I am with you there as well. I am single and always have been. But the harder you look, the better love will hide. Try to let it find you. Try solving one problem at a time and you will do much better. If you try and change too much at once, you are more likely to fail and give up since it would be tremendously hard work.

Darren

Posted 9/24/2007 3:22 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the kind words,

I just need help finding a starting point. I want to get more active on campus and will probably join some student groups. But from there I have no idea where to go.

I want to make changes but it seems like it can be to much and I just end up sitting here at my computer desk instead.
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