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Posted 10/6/2007 1:26 AM (GMT 0)
Ever since 5th grade, I knew I had depression, but it's gotten alot worse...

 

I started 8th grade in August and from what started out as mild depression, spun to a whole different level. My grades have dropped severely; Normally I'm an A-B student, now I'm getting 1 A, 5 Cs and a D. I've become forgetful and have the worst time trying to get myself to pay attention. I get these "sugar rushes" where I'm so hyper I become annoying. Later on, it turns around and turns into sadness, where I just feel completely worthless and have acually had suicidal thoughts. Then it turns into rage, where I just go completely bilistic on something I normally wouldn't care about. Lately, with all the stress from school, the anxiety, and the depression made me so sick to my stomach I acually make myself throw up (I really hope you can't count that as bulimia...)

 

I've also had these weird dreams on everyone I love dying, including me, but I don't know if that means anything...

 

My sleeping paterns go up and down. I'll go from only getting 3 hours of sleep (I wake up ALOT in the middle of the night) to sleeping for over 12 hours. Eating? I haven't eaten a whole lot lately; When I get upset I don't eat.

 

I've always thought I had some form of depression, but now I'm not sure. Could this maybe be Bipolar instead? My father has BD, so I guess it's not impossible. Could you please help me?

 

Another thing is, should I tell someone? My best friend keeps stressing to me that I should tell someone immedietly, and I haven't even told her I'm (mildly) suicidal. I really don't wat to go back to the councelor. Thank you in advance

 

-Ciddy

 

Reason for edit:

 

I have taken a small section out in line with Rule #1. (See https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997) Darren

Post Edited (Ciddy) : 10/6/2007 2:55:14 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/6/2007 1:43 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you very much Granny and best wishes to you and your grankids =)
Posted 10/6/2007 1:46 AM (GMT 0)

Ciddy,

You need to talk to your parents asap and that means now.  This is a support forum and you are very welcome here, but if you are having these thoughts you need to seek help immediately.

Here is the phone number to call and talk to someone.

U.S National Crisis Hotline please call 1-800-784-2433

Please include your parents in your health issues.

Posted 10/6/2007 1:47 AM (GMT 0)

Ciddy,

Please tell someone how you are feeling...it doesn't have to be a counselor.  It could be one of your friend's parents, a coach, a teacher, your doctor, someone from church - any adult you trust.  Your friend is absolutely right that you should tell someone.  It sound like this friend would be willing to help you find the right person to tell.

There's nothing wrong with seeing a counselor.  I started seeing one when I was your age because I was having some problems.  Even though I thought it was silly at the time, I look back now and am very glad I had the opportunity to see someone.

There is a lot of support on this forum as well, but you really need someone to talk to face-to-face.  Let us know what you decide to do.  Hang in there.

Posted 10/6/2007 1:51 AM (GMT 0)
I have told my parents, they said "You're just an average teenager. Everyone at your age feels that way." I told them this probably 6 months ago. They see how I'm acting now, and pay absolutely no attension.

I know, there's nothing wrong with seeing a councelor, I just don't really like the one at my school.

Thank you for the replies
Posted 10/6/2007 10:27 AM (GMT 0)

Hiya,

I think  its a shame that your parents are not being as supportive as they could be but dont let their view belittle your problem. What you are feeling is real and I think you should definately see a doctor about it. A councillor would be a good thing for you and there is no shame in seeing one. Please sort the problem now before it escalates.

Darren 

Posted 10/6/2007 1:59 PM (GMT 0)
Ciddy
Can you go to your school counselor and even just print your post out so that you don't forget anything?
Then hopefully if they are concerned they can step in and talk to your parents about getting you into a doctor.

This is not normal at all. I have 2 teenagers and went through alot with my son who is bipolar.
I am not saying that this is what you have,it could be depression,it could be anxiety attacks. Or ADD.
I have no idea since none of us our doctors...that is why you need to see someone before it gets worse.


Please keep us posted.

Shy
Posted 10/7/2007 4:04 AM (GMT 0)
It's not that I'm embarassed by seeing the school conselor, I just plain don't like her. She said it was depression, but I have a gut feeling that it's something more than that. I will try talking to her again, but I'd rather not see her weekly like I did last year, I'd just like to get evaluated and maybe have her write a note to my parents. Although, I'm gonna try this first; What I'm gonna do is tell my English teacher, who is also my confirmation sponsor. I told her I was depressed last year, but I said I could handle it and she told me to talk to her anytime if I needed to. Now that it's getting worse I guess it would be a good time to tell her.

Although, I didn't really tell her a whole lot in the first place. I hate discussing it with people I know. Like my best friend, ever since I told her she's not the same around me; She acts weird and is always concerned somethings wrong, the same with the teacher that forced me into the conselors office. It's like a cancer patients friends when they find out; They have that look in their eye when they know your sick and can't do anything about it. That's why I was in denial and hated telling people...

I thank you all for the support and advice. It means so much to me that I can go somewhere and talk freely about my feelings and not be embarassed by it. I will keep you updated and continue to post on the forums =)

-Ciddy
Posted 10/7/2007 8:10 AM (GMT 0)
Have you considered seeing a councillor outside of the school? Are you able (legally) to make your own decisions about your medical care at 14?

Posted 10/7/2007 12:01 PM (GMT 0)
Ciddy
That is a great idea. Just try to find an adult that you trust that can step in for you with your parents.
You are so young,and you need to find out what is going on with you.

As for your best friend acting strange,most of that is just because they do not understand depression,and they do not know how to act. That happens with adults too..it is a very normal response.


Please keep us posted

Shy
Posted 10/7/2007 10:34 PM (GMT 0)
To tell you the truth, I'm scared to death of telling her. I mean, I never told anyone "the whole story" before. I have discussed it with a couple people, but have never been very open about it. Now that I'm acually going to come clean, I petrified.

Maybe I'm just afraid she'll be mad at me for lying to her. I didn't "lie" to her, I was just in denial. And bringing up suicide? That will be hard. Is there a way I can maybe brake it to her gently? Or should I just tell her everything flat-out? I don't mean to be a pain with all these questions, but I'm just nervous about everything.

Thank you,
-Ciddy

Post Edited (Ciddy) : 10/7/2007 4:40:14 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/8/2007 7:31 AM (GMT 0)

Ciddy,

Tell her as much as you feel like telling her in that moment.  Just listen to yourself and if you trust your teacher and want to continue talking, just do it. 

I remember when I was your age and going through a rough time at school, I talked to my social studies and English teachers about it.  They was very respectful and comforting, and were able to help me in a way that didn't feel threatening.  Ultimately, it involved my parents, but I think that's incredibly important to do.  Your teachers can help you figure out a way to best approach this and can help you find other avenues.

Just remember you're not alone in this and you can get lots of help to feel better.

Posted 10/8/2007 1:05 PM (GMT 0)

Dont worry about all the questions. That is what we are here for. Sarita has given you some good advice. Dont let people force you into saying things you dont want to say. Take it at your own pace. If it is a difficult subject, explain that you are not sure how to say it and then just say it as it comes out... sort it out after. (Thats what me and my mum always used to do). I know that its scary but you will feel much better for getting it off your chest.

Darren

Posted 10/8/2007 11:15 PM (GMT 0)
Today hasn't gone well; I told my English teacher about everything, and she wants me to go back to the councilor and is going to call my mom tommorow after school. After that, I don;t know what happened, maybe it was the stress of telling them (I didn't tell her everything, just things I was comfortable with at the moment) or just the thought of going back to the councilor, but I got a huge migrane in church. Eventually I got so sick to my stomach I threw up again. My friend found out and told my teacher, who of course sent me to the nurse, which was a huge mistake, and everything just spilt out...

-Ciddy
Posted 10/9/2007 12:00 PM (GMT 0)
Ciddy
Granny is right,it is out in the open now and I hope it opens your parents eyes that something is not right with you.

I am hoping that they get you into the doctor right away,it could be something very serious that needs to be treated.

Please stay strong and keep us posted.

Shy
Posted 10/9/2007 2:18 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with what people have said before me... Now that it is off your chest you have less pressure in trying to keep it a secret. Hopefully this is the start of a solution for you.

Posted 10/16/2007 2:44 AM (GMT 0)

This past week has been absolutely terrible; The nightmares have gotten so much worse that I'm afraid to g to sleep. They were usually about people "losing faith" in me and people I love turning against me. Today, after school, I fell asleep on the couch and had a dream that I was burned at the stake because I was a "witch." And there were others about me being assaulted, by a young man in his 20s and a very muscular female. But that wasn't the worst part....

I'm not sure how to explain it, but when I tried to wake, I couldn't. I was alert, but I couldn't move. I managed to open my eyes a little, and you could never imagine what I saw. I had literally seen Death (or the Grim Reaper). I was TERRIFIED; I thought I was dead.

Well, anyway, reality hasn't been that great  either. Because of everything going on, I guess you can say my grades haven't been up to par. I'm practically failing Science and that basically adds wood to the fire. I pulled my friend aside at the begining of 4th period to let some anger out. Unfortunetly I said some things I didn't mean and my Literature teacher overheard. She pulled me out of class and demanded me to tell her what was wrong. I started having a panic attack, the worst one yet, and asked her if I could go to the bathroom and calm down. She refused to let me do anything until I told her. She was completely uncompassionate, and, thanks to my English teacher, she knows all about my condition.

Apparently, they discuss the things I tell them with each other, after I had asked my English teacher to promise me she would't tell my Literature teacher. But of course, I can't trust anyone, now can I? The Literature teacher thinks it's my grades that are making me feel this way (it isn't, but it's just adding more stress) She told my English teacher this, and they acted like I had wasted there time.

They're also having an intervention with me tommorow...They're bringing in the counselor, my mother, the two teachers, and the principal to get to the root of the problem.

I'm basically on edge and afraid I'm going to do something stupid. There's no way out of this and I have no idea what to do. I had an episode last night where I could have possibly harmed myself, but I didn't. I couldn't do it at home. I don't want to sound like a crybaby but I just have no idea what to do. Do you guys have any advice?

-Ciddy

Posted 10/16/2007 10:47 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there,

I thought long and hard about what I am about to say, and decided that I would say it even though I know it is a controversial subject. I read Tarot cards (kinna like fortune telling) and the 13th major card is Death. So many people are afraid of him and what he brings because of the image they give him in films etc... but there is nothing to be scared of at all. Death (in the VAST majority of cases) is simply an indicator of major change. A change in direction or perhaps a change in situation. I want to stress though that this is simply my opinion and opinions on such subjects are very divided.

As for what you should do about the intervention... I think you need to choose someone you can be COMPLETELY honest with... someone you can tell everything to and tell them. If you want privacy to be guaranteed, you are best choosing a medical professional. Teachers always share info about students, but at the same time... they have NO RIGHT to know your medical history providing you are not putting anyone in danger. (Thats how it works in the UK and im sure its probably the same elsewhere as well).

Thinking of you

Darren

Posted 10/16/2007 11:22 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Ciddy
I hope I haven't posted this too late...have you already seen the two teachers?
You need to talk to your parents,tell them everything that is going on and then bring them with you.
I don't like the idea of the two teachers basically gaining up on you without your family being there.


Please let us know

Shy
Posted 10/17/2007 12:43 AM (GMT 0)
Yeah, they've talken to me. The english teacher seems okay, but I hate how my Literature teacher makes me feel. I can't do or say anything now. I have told my parents and they think it's just adolescence, although my father has the same exact problem and he get's all th sympothy in the world.

My mom has talked to them, but it was way before this happened.

And as a reply to Darrens post, there really isn't anyone I can trust at the moment. I thought I could trust her but now I can't

-Ciddy
Posted 10/17/2007 8:31 AM (GMT 0)

Im so sorry that your parents are not being more supportive. I would have hoped that if your fater suffered from the same thing that they would recognise what you are going through. Do you have a firm diagnosis from a health professional? Perhaps speaking to a doctor rather than a councillor would help?

Darren

Posted 10/17/2007 10:45 AM (GMT 0)
Ciddy

I agree with Darren. If you are not getting the support at home,or at school it is time to get into the doctor.
Would your parents agree to that?




Shy
Posted 10/19/2007 11:05 AM (GMT 0)
Hello all,

Suprisingly, I've been able to sleep, and I've been doing that alot lately. I'll be off to school in about 20 minutes, and I couldn't say this with more exasperation; TGIF. All I'm planning on doing when I get home is sleeping. Hopefully I can get away with it in study hall and morning care too. I quit one of my after school activites so now I can just go home and recuperate; I think thats the best thing I can do for myself right now.

My English teacher gives me these looks of sadness when ever I'm in the hallway, and when I look at her, she turns away from me. I haven't really talken to her alot this week. Ask for my other teacher, she's going about it as if nothing happened; That is really getting on my nerves.

Any panic attacks recently? Only on and it was on Monday. I was in a pretty good mood yesterday, but I'm feeling kinda down today. Hopefully the day will be better then expected...

I'll reply when I get home,
-Ciddy
Posted 10/19/2007 11:13 AM (GMT 0)
Ciddy

You are very mature in knowing what your limit is. Take some time,but don't hide out from the world for a long time ok?

As for your teachers, that happens alot with depression..people that don't have it have no idea how to help us therefore we are avoided or looked at with sympathy. It does get on your nerves,but unfortunately there is not much we can do about it.

I am so glad that the panic attacks are slowing down,but I still think you should try to get into the doctor and let them know what is going on.


Shy
Posted 10/20/2007 12:37 PM (GMT 0)

I agree with Shy. Taking time out for your self is a good idea but bear in mind that if you completely hide away, it can make things worse. Also bear in mind that excessive sleep can be bad for you in the same way that not enough sleep is. Im glad yeterday was a good day and I hope that today gets better for you. Like Shy, I think you should still see the doctor.

Darren

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