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Posted 10/28/2007 3:46 AM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone, Its now time to pick up the pieces and move on. Easier said than done. I had a minic episode the last week of september. I told my wife I wanted a divorce and basically pushed everyone out of my life. My wife moved out and I stayed in our house. She has sicne moved back and we are going to work out our differences. As for me my mind is still flooded with feelings of past guilt, and wondering what I should do about it. As a child, 9 years old I was sexually abused by an older sibbling. I have anger torwards that person. She was 11 at the time. I feel as if I should talk to her but I also feel I should just let it go. I think about this everyday. My parents dont know about what was going on. I'm affraid if I talk to them about it, they would be overcome by guilt and depression. My dad has spinal muscular atrophy and is in a wheel chair all the time. So I do alot for them at their house. I see my sister at our parents house just about every day and when I see her I just get so upset about my thoughts and I just leave. I know I need to let the guilt go but I guess I just want to know what she thinks about it now. Thats all for now, any insight would be great, allmixedup.  
Posted 10/28/2007 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hello allmixedup, I am sorry to hear about your difficulties. and I pray for you and your wife to settle your problems and for her to understand your reasons for the things you do. Does your wife know about the sexual abuse? I'm not saying that you should say the only reason you acted the way you did was because of the sexual abuse in your childhood, but that could be mostly the problem... When I was about 9 years old I was almost sexually abused by my own uncle. It is a hard thing to go through, I know. But you will make it through, hang in there. I decided to tell my father about the abuse from my uncle, and everything got better.

I'm terribly sorry for your father, He shall also be in my prayers.
Posted 10/28/2007 11:36 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there,

Have you spoken to a doctor about this? If you are suffering from mania AND depression, it is a possibility that you have Bipolar Disorder. We have a seperate forum for Bipolar, so you might find that they can answer some of your questions. It sounds like you have a lot of issues to work out... are you seeing a psychologist?

Darren

Posted 10/28/2007 2:33 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the responses. Yes I have told my wife about the abuse. She is understanding and supportive about it. I had been in an inpatiant mental health hospital. I'm now in an outpatiant program. I'm seeing a phsycologist. I was diognosed with majior depression GAD (general anxiety dissorder) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Dissorder). I'm trying to use CBT but it's really tuff. I'm a bit more understanding about my illness. I think being a male I was in denial. I hope it time it get better, I'm having a hard time in the work place. My boss doesn't accept the fact that depression is an illness and thinks I just need to get over it. He has been on vacation for the last two weeks. He returns tomarrow. When I called him from the hospital he was really upset and said we would have a serious talk when he gets back. I'm just worried about what will become of it. Anyway thanks again for the responses, allmixedup 
Posted 10/28/2007 7:36 PM (GMT 0)

allmixedup,

I just wanted to let you know that if one has a manic episode, even just 1 the catagory changes from Depression to Bipolar.  I would get your diagnosis re-evaluated especially if you said you had a manic episode, and your diagnosis is for depression.

Posted 10/29/2007 11:59 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Mixed up
Depression and the workplace is a hard situation.
I hope that you and your wife can continue with your relationship steps.
Anyone that has been through the sexual abuse has life time scars,and it is not something that goes away without help.

Please keep us posted and good luck


Shy
Posted 11/1/2007 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
Well I got all worked up for nothing. Going to work I kept thinking he would still be mad. Saturday I had left some literature about depression on his desk. To my suprise he was very understanding and open minded about it. We talked about it for a bit. Come to find out his daughter is Bipolar. So work is ok for now. As far as my wife and I go, we are getting by ok. We have alot to work on, but time is on our side. We are both willing to work on things to make our lives better. For my abuse I'm still in outpatiant therapy. Its hard because I'm only there for 1/2 a day twice a week. I only go then beacuse I used up all my benifits on my insurance. So everything I do till the first of the year is out of pocket and we can't afford for me to be in the full program. Its $400.00 a day. What a rip off! But anyway what makes it hard is after we do the morning check-in Its time for break then we come back and do group therapy. I have gotten a little help from it but I'm just not sure on what to do. I know it's ultimatly up to me to decide but I just don't know. Should I talk to the abuser? My parent's? I just don't want to screw things up with the family. I don't mean to ramble but it feels good to get it out.  Later, Allmixedup
Posted 11/1/2007 9:52 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Allmixedup,

Im glad to hear that your boss was so understanding. The fact that his daughter is bi-polar probably helps quite a bit and he should understand how you feel from her depressive episodes. As for you and your wife, I am also glad you are working things out and that you are working through your problems. Keep us posted as to how you are getting on! You could be the next HW sucesss story!

Darren

Posted 11/1/2007 11:05 AM (GMT 0)
Mixed up
I never had the guts to face my abuser again. Now,I read the obits every morning hoping to see his name. He is pretty old,and I know that day will come. What I am going to do when that day happens is a different story.
But,I wrote a letter to my abuser. It took me a month,and it took me about 2 weeks to finally put it in the mailbox. But,I told him that he ruined my life. I told him just what he did to that 12 year old girl's life,and how I wish he would spend the rest of his life (I am trying to be politically correct here,but you can imagine what I said).
It did not make the nightmares go away,It did not make the fear go away,but I know that he is now aware of what he did.
It is up to you whether or not you send this letter.

I am so glad that your boss is understanding. That will make things alot easier for you.

Please be strong (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))


Shy
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