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Posted 11/10/2007 3:13 AM (GMT 0)
I've been depressed lately.  I believe my boyfriend of 5 years is undiagnosed bi-polar.  He has these frequent blow-ups and spews insults at me over the smallest things.  Then after his rants he is back to being considerate for a brief stint, then it's back to his irritable & irratic behavior.  I've been putting up with this for a very long time and a large part of me wants to walk away from him.  However, I am so lonely...so lonely, that I long for him to be different towards me.  I just want him to change back to the way he was when I met him.  I just want stability in my life.  I lost my dad about 3 years ago and I just need someone to comfort me and I feel that in all this time since my dad's death, I haven't reached a point of feeling relief.   I never have the urge to kill myself but I would like to take some sort of magic pill that would let me sleep for days at a time.  Some times, I can't even get out of bed in the morning.  I don't have the enthusiasum to do the things I used to do.  When my dad died, I lost a lot of weight.  I have been unable to gain  not even 5 lbs..I eat but it seems like stress is churning the food in my stomach and burns it away so fast.  Other times, I get up and I feel dizzy and my head feels like it is going to explode.  This weakens me physically...  I am so tired of feeling so under the weather all of the time.  I just want my life back.  Even when I am not around my boyfriend, my heart is heavy and I keep womdering about him and I.  Even in a room of a thousand people, I still feel lonely and hopeless.  I want to know what sort of phychological problem my symptoms belong to.  I plan to speak to my doctor and see if he can help.  I  don't want medication, I just want to be happy.  I just want my life back. Whatever help you can provide would be great.  Please help me.
Posted 11/10/2007 4:23 AM (GMT 0)

Dear Sad,

I want to welcome you to HealingWell.  I hope you continue to post and let us know how you are doing.  I think you will soon begin to feel like you are part of a big family here, at least I did not long after I came on board.

Are you seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist?  If not, if you are seeing your regular doctor, maybe you could talk to him about your symptoms.  While I am not a medical professional, it sounds like some talk therapy would do you some good.  As far as you not wanting to take medication, why not let a doctor make that decision for you.  I take Celexa myself and have for many years.  You may not need medication, but it does sound like you at least need a professional to talk to so you can start working your way out of this sadness.

We are really glad to have you here.  Please stay in touch.

Big Hugs to You!

Carla

Posted 11/10/2007 4:37 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you very much for posting.  I appreciate the welcome.  I plan to talk more to my doctor but honestly it feels good to talk to "regular" people.  Doctors are so clinical and stuffy some times.  Most times, I just need insight from my peers so that I can ask my doctor the right questions. No one else seems to be experiencing what I am. I just need to hear from others.

Posted 11/10/2007 10:23 AM (GMT 0)
Sad Face
One of the main problems that we women seem to run into is that we think we can change men.
Sometimes it happens. But that is very rare.
At some point you need to realize that this person is not a healthy environment for you and is making your depression worse.
Have you talked to him about going to the doctor? Is that a possibility?
If not,then I would get yourself to a doctor.
You have to be strong yourself before you can make major decisions.


Shy
Posted 11/10/2007 12:42 PM (GMT 0)

Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell,

Like Shy and Carla, I would recommend a trip to the doctor; both for you and for your partner. I guess I have to admit (being male) that men are harder to change than women because we tend to be very stubborn... That said, it is possible but as Shy said, it is rare. I definately think that professional help is needed if you want to stay together... otherwise you run the risk of dragging each other down.

Darren

Posted 11/10/2007 2:20 PM (GMT 0)
To answer your question about do I think my issues are related to trauma; I have had good and bad things and people in my life just like everyone, I don't think my issues are caused by past trauma (except the mental trauma of having panic attacks and not sleeping for days) I truly believe its in my genes, but I am certainly not the only one in my family with variations of these issues. Possibly research your family history.

However, when all this started I was in what I have to admit I was in a relationship with an alcholic that was dx bi-polar and OCD...for 6 years. I married him, thinking "it would be better" and I was afraid to be alone. I do think it may have been the "trigger" that set off these things that were alrealy in me. I left and divorced him, because no ones life is worth yours. Yes, at times I feel lonly too, I have never lived by myself and now I do. At first I really liked the peace and freedom of being away from this person, but it does get too quite sometimes. But you can live through it, you have to decide between peace and fear, and all that goes along with it. For me, one day I just left...with no money or a good job...because he was so drunk he almost burned our apartment down and he did not remember any of it. You can't change him...don't sacrifce yourself trying.

I am thinking of you, :)

Kristen
Posted 11/10/2007 4:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sad-Faced Girl,

about a year and a half ago, I was in what sounds like a very similar situation as to your own. The guy I was dating, was a self-proclaimed bipolar, who acted much like your boyfriend. My father had also recently suffered a stroke and was in the hospital, refusing to eat. One night I invited my boyfriend over for dinner and he blew up at me, said a whole bunch of mean and hateful things, when I was merely trying to have a discussion with him. After I experienced that one outburst, in which he ensued that we were "just friends" and that I could mail his things back to him, we were done. I never regreted my decision, because no one deserves to treat me like that and no one deserves to treat you with disrespect either. I am lonely at times, but I'd much rather be lonely than deal with all of the stress and hurt caused by being in a relationship with someone who refuses to take responsibility for their own health and wellbeing and their hurtful actions on those they "love." I do hope that you find the happiness you deserve, and while my story is only mine own, I hope that it gives you an additional perspective to consider.

All the best,
Sadsong
Posted 11/10/2007 4:35 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all very much for your replies. They offer a wealth of knowledge. I have set up an appointment with my doctor but I can't see him until the 1st of December. I am really tired of feeling this way and I am going to start doing things that I enjoy again. I really do appreciate the support. :-)
Posted 11/10/2007 4:46 PM (GMT 0)

ShynSassy said...
Sad Face
One of the main problems that we women seem to run into is that we think we can change men.
Sometimes it happens. But that is very rare.
At some point you need to realize that this person is not a healthy environment for you and is making your depression worse.
Have you talked to him about going to the doctor? Is that a possibility?
If not,then I would get yourself to a doctor.
You have to be strong yourself before you can make major decisions.


Shy

I did ask him to see a doctor and he doesn't think he has a problem.  At times, he tries to tell me that it is MY fault he is that way.  Today, I had a blow up with him and I plain told him flat out that he has issues and if he doesn't get help then I am moving on with my life without him.  I finally reached a breaking point and I screamed with a voice I have never heard before.  My chest is in so much pain from all of the yelling.  Seriously, I think I am starting to hate him.  I used to love him so much but I just feel disgust now.  I haven't returned his calls since.  I think I've had my fill. My appt w/ my dr. is on the first of dec.
Posted 11/10/2007 5:03 PM (GMT 0)

badgenetics1 said...
To answer your question about do I think my issues are related to trauma; I have had good and bad things and people in my life just like everyone, I don't think my issues are caused by past trauma (except the mental trauma of having panic attacks and not sleeping for days) I truly believe its in my genes, but I am certainly not the only one in my family with variations of these issues. Possibly research your family history.

However, when all this started I was in what I have to admit I was in a relationship with an alcholic that was dx bi-polar and OCD...for 6 years. I married him, thinking "it would be better" and I was afraid to be alone. I do think it may have been the "trigger" that set off these things that were alrealy in me. I left and divorced him, because no ones life is worth yours. Yes, at times I feel lonly too, I have never lived by myself and now I do. At first I really liked the peace and freedom of being away from this person, but it does get too quite sometimes. But you can live through it, you have to decide between peace and fear, and all that goes along with it. For me, one day I just left...with no money or a good job...because he was so drunk he almost burned our apartment down and he did not remember any of it. You can't change him...don't sacrifce yourself trying.

I am thinking of you, :)

Kristen

Hey Kristen,

The reason I asked if trauma has triggered your symptoms is because I can't remember a time I felt like this in the past (before my dad passed away). I've asked my family about depression and they look at me as though it is a "made up" disease that exists in the minds of those who look for sympathy.  So far, they can't tell me about family members who might have suffered from this in their late teens, or late 20's (like myself). 

I know I can't change anyone. I am only powerful enough to change myself.  I know I can change myself to not depend on this person for emotional satisfaction.  Kristen, honestly, I am a people person.  Everyone I encounter likes me and I am proud of myself and my ability to accept and welcome anyone.  It just hurts that I can't get the support I need from the person I want to get it from.  To me, in a way, it sounds selfish. However, the wisest advice came to me from my father: "Everyone needs a moment of selfishness."  I took that to mean that it's okay just to focus on yourself and forget about everyone else's problems.  I am going to start practicing this asap.  thanks!

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