Grief and Depression

Your kindness and insight are most appreciated.

I have talked to my sister, and we are starting to think about  a New Year's Eve gathering at my dad's house just to end one year on a happy note and begin the new with family.  I will let you know how that pans out.  Today I am having the Thanksgiving Family Dinner at my house.  This might not be the smartest thing I have ever done since now our family is 14 people.  I have been cooking for days and have still got food that needs to be prepared!  This is a bigger holiday than Christmas around here.  It goes on all weekend.  Once I get over the dirty dishes and put my feet up, I think I'll let my daughters figure out where we will eat for the Christmas dinner.  You have all given me such good encouragement to be my own advocate.

Happy holidays to all at your house.

Keep up your own good work, too.

Thank you for sharing your grief and story with me.  I truly hope that one day you will be able to celebrate the Holy Day with joy again.  I know that you must have loved your father greatly and that losing him at age 11 is the hardest time for a little girl to be left by her father. 

Our family is dealing with my mother's death by using her birthday to Celebrate Family.  We have planned a gathering at my father's house where we will all bring food to share.  We are looking forward to visiting with brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces, and Opa, of course.  Our mother will be there in Spirit and much in the conversation.  I cry in private, but I hope to be able to laugh with the family.  On her last birthday, we all contributed our Mom stories that we put together into a little book.  It is such a source of happy memories now. 

Do you have happy memories of your father?  Would it help to write them down in a journal for yourself?  Do your brother and sister still remember their experiences with him?  Celebrating those members of our family who are still with us is what is making the impending birthday a little more bearable for me.  I hope this helps you too.

Thank you again, Heather, because without your letter I would not be in a hopeful state of mind today.

Beannachtai,

Anne

Hello Heather,

You are very fortunate that you had such an understanding step-dad to help you through your grief.  Grief is a difficult process to let go.  I am still grieving the birth accident that left my oldest daughter with cerebral palsy.  She is such a precious person and so important to my life, but the circumstances of her death left me with the whole spectrum of grief:  disbelief, denial, depression, anger, acceptance and finally new life.  Everyday I travel that same path, it seems.  We cannot always be on the upswing of new life, but without the darkness of the depression and anger how would we know when we were experiencing the light of happiness and hope?  May I suggest that writing through your tears could be just what you need to do?  If you can find the happiness of just one day, it might help you to enjoy the light of this day.  What is a favorite memory you have of your stepfather?  What is a funny memory you have of your mother?  What is a loving memory you have of your father, mother and siblings all together?  Can you remember just one time when you were all eating a meal together?  Crying isn't always a bad thing to do, Heather.  It just cleans us out.  I tell my girls to let in some light so they can see the rainbow when they have cried enough.  I will keep you in my prayers during this holy season of light.

Anne

HI EarthMother,

I think what you are doing for you dad is a great idea and I hope that all goes well with your family get together. Family is a precious thing and is something that should be celebrated.

Darren

Tonight was the night for our Celebrate Family get-together.  It was a surprise for my Dad!  He just kept having family "drop in" all day, and they all stayed for dinner.  He mentioned repeatedly how happy we all made him to be there.  We all brought food and beverages to share, the kids made decorations, people pitched in to help with the food presentation and clean-up, and everyone had a great time.  We were only missing one living brother and his family and one cousin.  In all we had 25 people out of 30!  The ones who couldn't come really did have other commitments so they were remembered fondly by us all.  I believe my mother would have enjoyed the night.  She would have had all 6 of her great-grandchildren playing at her feet in the family room.

All night I had the feeling that my brother and mom were watching us and giving their blessings from Heaven.  It was a good decision to do this party.  I recommend it to others who are grieving the death of a loved one.  It really helps to get family together and celebrate each person.  Happy and prosperous and healthy New Year to all.

Earthmother