undermining our own happinenss.

I had read a post and responded recently to somebody that said that when they were happy they would feel like a dark cloud come over and then felt guilty.  I know I have had that same feeling.

Have others gone through this?

I think that it happens because at some point in our lives we weren't allowed to be happy.  Or maybe we had to try to control the environment around us.

If anybody has any comments to this or ways to over come it please share.

Hugs,

Karen

Quite a few years ago, I had to seperate myself from my family to start healing.  It was hard, but I had to do that for my own health.  The stress that was there was starting to affect me physically.  My immune system went whacko and I ended up with thype II diabetes. 

Later in life it was my marraige, don't get me wrong, I loved my husband at that time.  He ended up dieing of lung cancer.  Then I started a new life and tried to open a business.  I ended up with fibromyalgia sneaking up on me.  That was totally like the last straw.  But I am happy to say I am doing better now.  I go very slow, one day at a time,(which I needed to do any way) and things are finally starting to fall in place for me. 

So you are right, the environment plays a huge part with depression.  And I still have those feelings that want to undermine my happiness, but a lot less.  I think it takes time to be able to trust again.  It is so complex.

Thanks for the reply,

hugs

Karen

I think you are onto something Floppington. I do get scared that something is going to snatch away the good feelings and it will be scary or something. I can remember things happening like that when I was little. And I do think it is a learned emotion from the past. At least in my case.

Speaking of grandmothers Michelle, my grandmother adopted me when I was little. I remember them more than anything. Life was safe at that time. I think that is the only reason that I am not completely bonkers.

I can say that with practice of relaxation and medications I have learned to stay in the happiness parts for longer periods of time and when the dark cloud does come in I am learning to make it go away. I still have that cautiosness going on, but not nearly as bad as it was. So I think we can learn to be happy just like we were conditioned to be frightened, or sad.

I hope you guys have a wonderful relaxing evening.

hugs,

Karen

I actually use to feel guilty when I did help others, because of how good I felt when I did so. Now if that wasn't messed up.

hugs,

Karen

Hi you guys,

Thanks for the replys. I am doing a lot better with allowing myself to be happy. I still get thoughts that something bad might happen, but that gets me to appreciate every minute of happiness. And life in general.

Yeah my grandma was tough, she worked hard all her life and was wise. I will always remember her. I miss my grandfather, he died when I was only 9. That was where my life got screwed up by my mother. She was very mentally ill and very manipulative. But those days are gone now. I can live my life without thinking about her. I try to tell myself that it was the disease, and not her.

Have a wonderful day,

hugs,

Karen