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Posted 1/25/2008 1:15 AM (GMT 0)
I follow what my Pshycologits tells me about my condition. But the truth is I don't understand it. My mind, every day its in its own little world. I need to go back to my Clinical Theripist but I'm just in this rutt that won't stop. Every day I wake up and ask myself, What are you still doing here? But that thought goes away as the morning rolls on. I just feel all alone in my own little mirage. My wife has been great thoughout the last year. (which has been up and down). I feel like she deserves so much more than I have to offer. We have no friends, no social life, or sex life for that matter. Day to day we get along as a married couple would. The trouble is I just feel as if I'm wasting her time. I feel as if we are isolated from the world. Society is a crazy place. I was a rebel child and didn't do well in school. Not that I couldn't do it but I opted to be  a pain in everybodys ... I didn't like school, I really regret it now. Anyway about depression. The area I live there has been several Suicides in the past weeks. A police offier, A professional, A young man like myself. The scary thing about the young man, The way he did it was almost my plan to a T. I keep asking myself why them and not me? I can imagine what they were going through. In all cases nobody expected it to happen. I feel like that. I have talked to a few cowokers about my depression but it hard talk about it with all the suicides. It makes me feel as if I'm just tring to fit in. I like coming to healing well to get this off my chest. I want to talk about it but I just feel like I'm imposing on people. Oh me and my problems blah blah blah. I know there's hope but I just feel so run down and like I said I just don't understand why my mind works the way it does. Thanks for the venting, till next time.... 
Posted 1/25/2008 2:27 AM (GMT 0)

Come here and vent anytime.  We are more then happy to listen.  Everybody needs to let things out.  Please don't become another one of those statistics.  Your wife needs you more than you know.  Please give yourself some credit.  This is just a really hard time of the year for everybody and it effects all of us. 

The holidays are over.  The days are still short, the weather has been sucky.  You definately are not alone with the way that you feel.  I have talked to a lot of people who are struggling right now.  We all have to give ourselves a break right now.

So feel free to talk, we are hear to listen.

I wish for you a wonderful day,

Karen

Posted 1/25/2008 8:21 PM (GMT 0)

We are here for you and will listen to you.  Please keep talking to us.  There's usually someone around most of the time.  We do care about you and your well being.

Hugs!

Carla

Posted 2/7/2008 4:51 AM (GMT 0)
Well its been a few weeks and not much has changed. My mood has been up and down. It really sucks!! It changes so fast and it scares the you know what out of me. I know lifes gotta get better but I just can't see it. I had more downs than ups. My doctor uped my meds. I don't know if that thats whats making me nuts or what. But we just keep trying different meds, someday we will get  , Till then, Allmixedup
Posted 2/7/2008 5:43 AM (GMT 0)
Those darned baby steps....they take forever but they do add up. Just gotta roll day by day, hour by hour, or even minute to minute at times. Looking back you will know you have been through the worst of it and that you handled it. I hope the dosage change works quickly for you, I know how agonizing it can be waiting for the feeling of being yourself again to happen.

We are all here, hanging on with ya.
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