HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

when will it be my turn?

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 2/4/2008 4:33 AM (GMT 0)
sometimes i feel happy, but when i do it doesnt feel normal. i guess im just used to being depressed...

im almost 20, and i have yet to even have a boyfriend. sometimes i look around at girls younger than me or my age all happy and ina relationship, and i just wonder why i cant be happy like that? why am i always the one no one is interested in? i have boys who are "friends" and sometimes i get the feel that they like me. but nothing ever happens. i just hate the thought of picturing myself years from now being single and alone and depressed. i dont feel like i can be successful w/ an occupation or do anything happen if i have no one to share happiness with. being alone feels good, but it sucks at the same time.

why am i such a loser!?

Posted 2/4/2008 6:43 PM (GMT 0)
You have just been given some very good advise. You don't have to have a man in your life at this time. Guy friends are nice to have, but getting into a relationship can ruin a good friendship.

The one thing that I want to reinforce with you is what Tiger said:"you are not a loser" so don't call yourself one anymore, please. You are a good person. Try writing affirmative notes and posting them around the house so you can read them everyday. Such as "i am a good person" " I am beautiful". etc... Eventually you will believe that again. No more loser, okay?

Keep posting, eventually we will get you to believe how wonderful you are.

hugs,

karen
Posted 2/4/2008 7:35 PM (GMT 0)
i was in the same spot that u were in i was almost 22 b4 i had my first gf. i was with her for 8 months then she broke up with me and left me for another guy less than a month later now almost 4 months later i still hurt as much as i did they day she broke up with me. just wait your time willcome when u leaste expect it . im sure there is nothing wrong with. there is someone for everyone out there, just hang in there
scott
Posted 2/5/2008 5:51 AM (GMT 0)
thanks.
i try to convince myself of things but it never seems to work.

thanks for the advice.
Posted 2/5/2008 9:34 AM (GMT 0)
Good things come to those who wait. I have refrained from getting a partner since the last relationship I had at 17 years of age was a total flop. Now at 22 years I'm still boyfriendless and I've found that I'm simply not ready yet. School, work, etc are more important at the moment. You are not a loser. *hugs* Just give it time. You will find someone.
Posted 2/5/2008 12:37 PM (GMT 0)
Eyes

I basically gave up on finding a relationship after my divorce.. I went for about 3 years before I even considered it. Dated a little bit,decided that I was not ready..
Then went to my best friend's sister's house for the weekend,and when I walked in..well my whole world changed.
That was 4 years ago,and we are still going strong (although there are days where I wonder).


It happens when you least expect it. Just remember you need to be picky,and you deserve to have someone that treats you right.
Posted 2/5/2008 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
Eyes,
Hello this is Kitt and you are not a loser so throw that word out :)

I am going to suggest you may want to work on building your self esteem and not beat yourself up.  Go slowly here, you will come out a winner.

Take little steps and make small choices to gain confidence in your ability to make a decision. Make the choice to not run yourself down. You are a good person and you will meet someone when you least expect to.

Reward yourself when you succeed. You deserve to have your dreams, and to make them come true. Believe in yourself completely, and others will also believe and trust you. Give yourself a hug, buy yourself some flowers but feel good about you. Post your success here and we will be excited to cheer you on. :)

Don't always try to please others. It is considerate to care about others' feelings but your needs are important also. Do not try to be like someone else either. You will be at your best when you are being yourself because of your uniqueness. Strive to be your best, but do not criticise yourself if you fall short of your expectations. You are human after all, just like us.  Work on some of these and you will be surprised how much better you feel.
You can do this and you will find happiness.  Just believe.
Hugs

Kitt

 

Posted 2/6/2008 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
oh thanks everyone

today was actually a really good day. ive been feeling better. i went to my therapist today and it was amazing! i really feel better now. i really thank everyone for their kind words. all i want is my self-esteem that i once had back.

everything is day by day of course, but im really gonna start working on myself and getting better
Posted 2/6/2008 11:50 PM (GMT 0)

Hi BTE,

I am so happy that you are having good days.  I hope that this continues for you.  You deserve them.

hugs,

Karen

Posted 2/7/2008 12:43 AM (GMT 0)

Hi BTE,
Glad to hear your therapy went well and your self esteem never went away............it was just lying low for a bit..........so you go girl.
Hugs

Kitt

Posted 2/7/2008 12:20 PM (GMT 0)
Bte

Take a moment and read your very first posts... you will see what we see, you have just become stronger each and every day!!
Posted 2/8/2008 11:34 AM (GMT 0)

Shy is right. Sometimes it helps to look back some of our earlier posts to see how far we have some. Sometimes when we are haing a down day (Which we are all entitled to) it can seem like we have been stood still for the last 6 months / 12 months or however long. As Shy has said, you have come a long way and that is something to be proud of.

Darren

Posted 2/9/2008 2:44 AM (GMT 0)
hmm. yeah it was strange to read those.
so valentines day is approaching. but i guess i really dont care.

my fear of talking to people is holding me back from talking to the boys at work. and my friends. i miss people. and i hate being patient. but i will. so thanks to everyone :)
Posted 2/9/2008 3:03 AM (GMT 0)
You have got to remember, it all takes time....You're 20, and how long have you been depressed, and how long have you been telling yourself self-depreciating things? It is just like when people gain weight, it didn't happen over night so taking it off isn't going to happen over night. Your negative words to yourself aren't going to be taken away quickly, mostly because we are always hardest on ourselves.

Since you are the one hardest on yourself, take a step back and think about it as if your friend were coming to you with the same problem...What would you tell her? Does it matter that she doesn't have a boyfriend? What kind of guy is it she would want in her life? Why? Then, take your own advice!

I am willing to bet BabyT is right, your guy friends probably do like you but are afraid to do anything. They probably want to make the move, but then think about the friendship they would lose if it didn't work and it stalls them. You should think about it, too, before letting it go anywhere....would/could you still be friends if the relationship doesn't work. Having them in your life as a friend is better than not having them at all. Of course, if years from now you both realize that all along you were meant for one another then sure, go for it....But right now at 20 do you want to decide that you are done looking for absolutely anybody else and you could do without this person in your life (if it didn't work because you are both young)? I doubt it.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply