How do I get my life back!

Thank you!

I don't know how to explain this because it is a bit bizarre. First I will tell you there is a long history in my family of depression on both my parents sides. My dad's grandmother, his uncle(who committed suicide) his aunt, my mom, her mother and two of her sisters, this is all I know, I'm sure there are more. I believe mine started soon after my first child was born. But because I do remember what my mother went through I didn't want to go through the same thing so I would literally will myself out of it, push it away so to speak, not talk about things and pretend I was happy. When I was down and tried to talk to my mom or my husband or anybody for that matter what I got was ....Well, just perk up sweetie or Try to be happy. Then about 3 years ago we moved here to this house, I was so lonely. I had my husband and my kids but no friends. about a week after we moved in I met two mothers from up the street and became friends with one, now I regret it. I'm not totally blaming her for my depression, it was after all already there, but what she did to me, I gave up, I stopped trying to beat it and I broke. about a month after her starting to destroy me ( I say starting because she hasn't finished yet and it's an ongoing battle) there was an episode with my mother in law that really bought the house down, I literally climbed out a window and left to get away from her, a few days later I finally told my husband I needed to see a doctor, I called my mom and talked to her. It took a while for me to get to a doctor because of money issues, when I did she put me on meds, they helped alot but I had to change meds due to insurance then had to change again because the generic caused me to shake real bad. Then when I got pregnant with my third child I stopped the meds and haven't went back. I need to. I know that.

Anyway, a few months after the MIL issue my neighbor (ex friend) started in on me really bad, things were happening that I couldn't rationally explain like rocks being throw at my house,then there were rumors flying about me, then my mail started disappearing, then came the threats of lawsuits, accusations of vandelism, stalking and harassment, this woman actually accused me to my face of phone harassment while I was pregnant and got me so upset I started bleeding. She is trying to drive me out of the neighborhood or crazy which ever comes first.

The other lady I met after moving here became my friend, we bonded due to the nutso across the street because she was going through the same thing with the same person. Then back before halloween I found this support site for people with bad neighbors and started blogging, I made the mistake of sharing the site with my friend, she got upset with me, she also has problems with depression, we have recently found out she is bi polar, anyway she got upset with me over somethings I had said without me even realizing it was upsetting, really it was just idle chit chat, and she became a member of the site without telling me and started to attack me through the site. She said horrible things to me and when she finally fessed up it hurt really bad. But in talking to her I gathered that she was suicidal and begged her to see a doctor and she did hence finding out she is bi polar. We got through it, I forgave her and wanted to help her. She is taking meds and doing conselling for this and is getting better at controlling it. But now, she is pulling away from me, or I feel she is.

I'm back to being the way it was before, my mom doesn't want to talk with me about how I feel, she just says ....go to the doctor get some medicine. I need her to listen to me but she won't. My husband begs me to just be happy. I'm losing my only friend, and now I have no one. I don't want to go back on meds but I'm gonna have to because they did help before and if I don't I may lose it completely. I have no energy, I don't sleep much and when I do I have bad dreams that I can't remember, I only remember I was scared in them. I spend alot of my days sitting on the couch barely watching tv or just walking around the house thinking I need to be doing something but I have no energy to do it. My house is a wreck. I'm trying to lose the last 5 lbs of my baby weight but all I want to do is sit and eat. I love to read but have lost interest in that. Basically Im blah. That's the way I feel ...blah. I am nothing and not important and I'm sick of feeling this way.

I want to be happy again, I want to have friends, I want my sicko crazy neighbor to do what I said 6 months ago and forget I exist, I want her to go away and leave me alone but that isn't going to happen until either one of us move or she has driven me to retailiation and I get in trouble or until she drives me completely insane. No one wants to help on that either. I want my mom to listen to me. I want my husband to understand that I can't just get happy, I can pretend but I can't and I can't explain why I can't. Does that make any sense?

I feel like no one cares and all I am is a wife and someone's mother, I am here to raise the grandkids so ma and pa get to enjoy them, I am mostly ignored when family is around until my mom sees I am getting frustrated then she says something like...well maybe we should have just stayed home. You would think with her going through this 20 years ago she might be a bit sensitive to it but nope.

Im sorry, I'm just so tired and I guess Im venting. I'm just so angry right now cause no one will listen. I'm just suppose to be happy.

Posted by Anne  at 5:17 PM

The thing with my neighbor is very complicated. In a way she is doing to me exactly what she accused me of doing to her. She is stalking me. Sometimes she follows me or shows up right behind me on the road as if she were waiting somewhere for me to pass. I have myself seen this woman take pictures of me and shes not shy about telling people she has plenty more to go with it. If I ignore her she only gets worse, so I have to keep an eye out at all times which makes my depression all the worse. I am constantly looking over my shoulder. Sometimes I feel as though I am just paranoid but I'm not. The woman is a fruitcake, I keep my video cam with me when I am out of the house just in case and my cell phone has voice recorder on it and I have it set where I just have to push a button, so when she does something to me or in a worse case finally snaps I have proof of it. I scan parking lots if I know she isn't home, I leave at different times each day to pick my kids up, I take different routes home if she is anywhere near me. She scares me. Her husband scares me. Even her kids scare me.

Aside from all of that I am dealing with my own demons, regrets, self pity, worthlessness, I don't always feel this way but I do alot lately, and the sad thing is is there is no reason for it. I had a happy childhood with loving parents, I was never raped or abuse. Sure we have money issues like anyone but I am far from the poor house. My husband has a good job, I am able to stay home with the kids. My husband is wonderful and loving, he has never hurt me in any way. So why do I feel like this. I am not suicidal, I could never do that, but sometimes I feel so ....I don't know how to explain it....it's like tomorrow isn't going to happen or I have no future........why try because everything is falling apart in the world anyway.....sometimes I sit and wonder why do we even keep on living, wouldn't it be easier to just lay down and die.

You ask about my children, this is another reason I don't understand why I feel the way I do. My children are mostly very well behaved, yes they tend to drive me nuts but nothing more then just being kids, they are all very healthy, my two oldest who are 9 and 7 are both straight A students, my youngest is 9 months, he's so beautiful, all my children are, last night he took his first steps. He's the happiest baby I have ever seen. I am very proud of my kids and thank God for giving me the chance to know them.

I am trying to give my friend some space, I don't blame her for backing off from me, I think I may be bringing her down when she is trying so hard to get better. This is causing me alot of guilt. And it makes me sad.

This has been a really bad day, without giving out to much info, lets just say I live in the southeast and last night was terrible. I didn't sleep much and woke up late which made my kids tardy but they weren't actually tardy, the principle rang the bell to early. I even told them this and showed them the time on my cell and they still made my kids tardy, this made me angry because they haven't been tardy all year and I ran myself to death this morning to get them there on time. Then I called my friend to chat and she was a bit distant and rude to me. I just let her go and went on. But it bothers me.

I must sound like I am unloading all at once. There is so much going on in my head and at the same time nothing is. I'm very confused alot. Everything seems to be swirling around me. Like gnats. I am in slow mo and the world is passing me by.

Hello and Welcome to Haeling Well and the Depression Forum

I see you have already met several of our wonderful members. I have to agree with the recommendation that you may need to be back on the meds and a visit with your physician is the first place to start.

As for the neighbor, if she is harrassing you and taking pictures of you, following you etc you can file a complaint with the local law enforcement and also request a restraining order to keep this person away from you.

You must remember to cease any communication and/or contact with her.  For your own sake these kinds of behaviors often need to be addressed from a legal point of reference.

Please keep posting here on this thread so we can easily follow you and know you have come to a safe place.

Again, a Warm Welcome.

Kitt

I am sorry about the new thread thing. I must have hit New Topic instead of Post Reply. Thank you for moving it.

I have ceased contact with my neighbor. The last time I spoke to her was in October when I told her to stay away from my children. She had waited for my back to be turned at a school function and approached my daughter and gave her a piece of candy, my daugther threw the candy away. I also told her during that phone call she is not the speak with me or my children and she is not to approach me. Since then it has been annoying little things like showing up behind me on the highway and then passing me even when I have my cruise set at the speed limit or stopping dead in the road to let me catch up. I have changed everything I do to avoid this woman. It has helped. As long as I don't speak to people at the school and do everything I can to stay away from her she can't get to me. I have tried the police but have been told that unless she hurts my person or causes property damage and I have proof there is nothing they can do.

Tomorrow I am going to try and sit down and get my thoughts straight, there are things I want to ask and get advice on. I need to know other ways to handle my feelings besides just meds. I am going to talk to my husband about going back to my doctor but I think I need to learn how to handle this without it too. I can't spend my entire life on pills.

Thank you all for welcoming me!

Ok, I have a question. I want to close out the world. I really do. I know this isn't the answer but right now there are some people in my life that say things and do things that cause me a great deal of stress and it hurts me. Would I be doing myself wrong to just close them all out? I have tried telling these people how they make me feel in the past and for a while things get better but then they seem to forget and go back to doing the same exact things. I can't deal with this anymore. I can't talk to my family about how I feel because they don't want to hear it, they want life to be peachy and if I do talk to them all I get is preached at. I only have one friend and with what she is going through I can't lean on her. People just don't understand that what they say and do hurts and I don't want to deal with it anymore.

Can closing them all out for a while help me or is it just going to hurt me more? Should I worry about how it will make them feel? Or do I concentrate on myself?

Hi there,

There is certainly some benifit to blocking these people out but its important not to completely isolate yourself from thw world, otherwise you wont get anywhere. Certainly focus on yourself, but dont cut everything off. Reducce stress to a minimum, but remember that a little bit of stress is actually healthy.

Best Wishes

Darren