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Posted 3/18/2008 6:25 PM (GMT 0)
I really need your help. I'm very depressed. I'm Shane 16 years old. This depression is always bothering my life with suicide attempts and sadness since I was 13. I don't know what to do, I have my family though it's broken, I don't trust other people, I don't have close friends and my family is not close to me. That's why I'm posting this message here, I'm afraid of telling people about my feelings, people are always judging me.

Okay now i'll straight this up, I have doubt about myself, because it seems like I am a gay, I don't really want to be like this, though I'm not sure, I'm very much confused, it's like I am not normal, I'm the most stupid and unfortunate person in this world because I became gay, most people are not respecting gays that's why I'm afraid and never wanted to be a gay. I don't love those people with the same sex of mine, I love girls but it seems like oh I just can't explain it.

Please don't insult or discriminate me, I need your help and advice about this, I don't want to tell anybody about this, even my family because as I said, they're not close to me and I don't have friends because I always want to be alone. I think I'm all alone in this world. It really hurts a lot.

I hope that I can have your pleasant advice and help.
Thank you very much for reading.

Blessed be.
Posted 3/18/2008 6:51 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Shane,

First of all, welcome to the Healing Well depression forum.  You have come to a good place where you will not be judged or discriminated against in any way.  We are here to help you.

Secondly, I think that it is very important that you find support right now.  Like a counselor or therapist.  Do you have school counselors that you could talk to?  If not can you get a counselor through mental health.  It is very important that you have some guidance through this.  We are here for you but we are not professionals and I think that it is very important that you have professional counseling so you can sort through things and accept yourself for who you are.

Please don't refer to yourself as abnormal or stupid, because you are not.  You sound very intellegent and though you may be gay, it isn't abnormal, especially in these times now.  It is something though that you will have to deal with so that you can feel comfortable in your own skin.  Can you understand what I am trying to say?

I wish the best for you, and I hope that you seek counseling.  Keep posting and we will try to advise you the best we can.  We are here for support and vent all that you need, it is the first step to wellness.  You may need medications to help you with the depression and self harm thoughts that you are thinking.  So please seek counseling.

In the meantime, keep posting, we will help you in anyway that we can.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 3/18/2008 7:03 PM (GMT 0)
Yes I do understand what you mean. Is being gay normal? Filipinos are teasing gays here in the Philippines, teasing so much like I think they're stabbing the hearts of those gays.

Oh thank you very much for the reply! I keep on refreshing the page, I was waiting for someone to reply my post. Thank you very much again.

Post Edited (shane_east24) : 3/18/2008 1:08:40 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/18/2008 7:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Shane,

I don't think that it is a matter of normal or abnormal, though society seems to make it seem that way. Gays are more accepted now then they were 10 years ago, but that is in the US. So where you are, I can't answer that question. Sorry. I wish that I could be more helpful to you.

I would be careful though, if there is gay bashing, you could get hurt or killed. Do you have other gay friends at all? If it is a matter of safety, then I would keep a lid on it until you can find others that are like you. Then you would be more safe and comfortable. I really wish that I had some answers for you. I also hope that you can find a counselor to talk to. Somebody that would know more about the acceptance in your area. I am sure that there will be somebody else that will come on who will have more answers for you than I have. I think the most important thing right now is whether you accept yourself for who you are. You are still young and have many other things to think about at this time, such as school and growing up. Focus on that and I am sure that the other will fall into place.

In the meantime keep posting, we are here for you.

hugs,Karen
Posted 3/18/2008 7:20 PM (GMT 0)
Oh thanks a lot, now I think I'm already encouraged though still depressed, you gave me an idea on how to deal with this though I don't have friends.

Thank you very much!
^_^

Blessed be!
Posted 3/18/2008 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Shane, I thought that I would pop in to say welcome to Healing Well. Guess what Shane? You are wrong. You now have friends online. I know it is not the same as in person but some of my best friends are online. So stick around and again welcome to the best depression forum on the net. (My opinion. These people are the real deal.) Take care..........thoughts and prayers...........
Posted 3/18/2008 8:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, Shane, and welcome to the depression forum!  You have come to a wonderful place.  There are many great people here that truly do understand and will help you feel good about  yourself.

 

You know, being 16 years old is a very confusing time in your life.  Actually all of the "teen" years are confusing.  You are changing from a child to an adult and your body and your thinking are changing too.  Your hormones are  all over the place at this time in your life!  You do sound a little confused though, which is not unusual for a teenager.  You say you think you are gay but you don't love boys...you love girls!  So, that makes me think you are not gay.  Perhaps it's hormonal feelings that you are feeling right now.  Try to relax a bit and not worry about it so much.  Your true feeling will surface as you continue to mature.

 

Shane, you are not stupid!  You are a very intelligent young man.  If you were stupid, you wouldn't have had enough sense to get on the computer and look for some help and some answers to what's going on in your life.  You are a bright person and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  You are also a very special person...actually we all are very special in God's eyes.  I'm sure you have special talents.  My talents lie in music!  I love music and play several musical instruments.  Some people's talents are writing, or maybe being a great listener.  Some are talented in art, science, etc.  But, everyone has a special talent.  So, all of this makes you smart and talented!

 

As Pink Grandma said, you now have many friends from all around the world...right here on HealingWell!  We do really care about one another, as I'm sure you'll find out.  As you start feeling better about things, you will feel stronger and start making friends in  your area.  Maybe you can find people that share the same talents and intersts that you have.  That's always a great start to a friendship.  But, I do know you will make friends in your life.  No one truly wants to be by themselves.  As you feel better you will venture out and start to really enjoy your life. 

 

Let us know how you are doing and know that we really do care about you.  I hope you have a wonderful day, Shane!

Sherrine 

Posted 3/18/2008 9:16 PM (GMT 0)

Shane, first of all, welcome to the forum!

Second, I wanted to assure you that you are NOT alone. I am 16, and I am also struggling the same way as you are, and have been for some time now. So, you aren't alone. I know how it is having to struggling with this stuff. I have had depression for some time now also, but it didnt start because I was questioning my orientation. However, when I started questioning myself it got worse for a while. I am like you, I am not close to my family at all, and I am not all that close to my friends, and I also dont trust most people.

However, after struggling for so long I got tired of it. I know things are different in the U.S. than where you live so... but here people are more accepting now. I finally told a few friends that I thought I might be gay. They were all ok with it, however, I havent made that perminent. And you dont have to either. I know you are worrying and questioning yourself and you want to know one way or the other, but you should just wait and let it come to you. You will know with time. You dont have to "decide"... you are just you...

I agree with the others. I know you said people there discriminate against gays, but this is what I did, try looking for someone who doesnt discriminate and doesnt have a problem with gay people. For me, I watched a few of my friends and got them on the subject so I could hear there opinions. Once I knew what they thought, I knew who I could trust. I only told a few friends. And I made it clear that I wasnt sure.

I think you should find someone to tell. Or maybe just write it out to yourself. You need to get your feelings out... sometimes it helps to get thoughts out of your head. Thats what I do. And just to let you know, I feel better about it now. Although, it is always a somewhat of a struggle because people use slurs everyday and I just dont pay attention to them. People who are against gays are ignorant and insecure about themselves.

Ok, sorry this is going to be long, but I really want to help you! You said something about suicide attempts, I dont want you to feel alone with that. Some people here have been through that as well. Personally, so have I. I know what that is like and its scary. We are here for you and we care about you. You have friends here now!

Question: Is your depression just because of your confusion about your sexuality, or were you depressed and then started questioning yourself?  

I know you said you have been depressed since around 13, but I just wondered if it was because you werent sure of yourself. Thats ok, I know a lot of gay people and most of them went through the same thing. I wish I could help you more, but I dont know how it is where you live. But, if telling someone that you arent sure is going to get you beat up or even killed, I wouldnt tell anyone. I know its hard telling people, but its also hard holding it in... But for now you dont have to tell anyone about that. However, you need to talk about your depression. It can get worse, as you probably know. And I dont want anything to happen to you just because you were afraid to speak up. You dont have to be silently tortured like that.

I know this was long, but I hope I helped you in some way. If you ever want or need to talk, I am here for you. I understand what you are going through and how you feel. So, feel free to contact me anytime. Take Care of yourself and keep posting!

Posted 3/18/2008 10:06 PM (GMT 0)
Shane
Pink is so spot on

YOU know what you have so many NEW friends here that DO NOT judge nor condemn you for your sexuality
I am sure glad you found this place HW it has been a real life saver fo me these past yrs and I want to tell you that it will help you as well ........
TeNNis has some great input and questions my new friend I do hope you will get to posting and see the support care and concern all have for you here
STAY with us please
...God Bless
Luvs
Lyn

**IMHO.All have given you great advice and input

Posted 3/18/2008 11:20 PM (GMT 0)
Shane

Welcome to our forum, we are so glad that you are here and as you can see there are alot of caring people on this site.

It frustrates me when people judge others for their sexuality... why should they care what others do in their private time?? But, I know they do... so,use this site when you need us.

No one here will judge you or criticize you !!!

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
Posted 3/19/2008 1:06 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Shane,

All of us, at any age, have doubts about ourselves. It's a natural part of being human. We just need to find ways to reassure ourselves that no one is perfect and that we all get a little unsure about ourselves from time to time. Plus, it's okay to make mistakes. An exboyfriend of mine was from the Phillipines, so he filled me in on the macho stereotype that guys are suppose to achieve over there. Along with the limited acceptance of gays. I know it sounds hard, but being true to yourself now by questioning yourself actually takes more courage than going along with the crowd. So, kudos to you for asking those tough questions!
Posted 3/19/2008 1:42 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Shane - I have read some excellent, excellent advice and support here. I would agree that you should focus more on understanding and treating your depression than worrying about your sexuality. You have said yourself that you don't love people of the same sex, you like girls....so why beat yourself up over something that may not even be.

Tennis had some great advice about kind of bouncing the idea off other people, and since you say you do not have close "in person" friends or family, then perhaps this could be done with a counselor. They, too, are nonjudgemental and keep the information confidential, but they also would know where to guide you.

I believe you and Tennis have a lot in common and will have a wonderful friendship. It's always nice to have a pen pal who is going through the same things.

Pink Grandma is right, you have a LOT of new friends here and not one of us will mistreat or judge you. Believe me, we all have our own problems and none of us would like to be treated badly to add to the frustration, so why treat someone else in an uncaring way.

Again, welcome to HW. Hope to read more from you!
Posted 3/19/2008 2:11 AM (GMT 0)
Please be reminded that I'm from Philippines, English is not my primary language, it's my third language so let me apologize for some errors in grammar.

I'm so glad that I found this forum, I mean I never thought that there are people who doesn't care about sexual orientations or something the like. I feel so much better now, I don't know how to thank you people. This is my first experience that others made me feel comfortable and I'm going to include this on my journal :-)

My confusion started when I was 13, and that confusion was already about sexual orientation. I'm also in to music, I'm part of a chorale in our school, because I thought that in that way I could make myself feel better of not thinking about my sexual orientations and just get myself busy, but unfortunately it didn't.

I'm also observing my family and classmates like TeNNiSd0C09 did, but what I noticed is that it seems like the gays are aliens for them. So my confusion got more intense. I don't know why they are not accepting me, I'm glad that you people here accepted gays and I'm happy that I found having the same problem as I do have (not because you're having a pretty big problem like this, but I'm glad to know that I'm not alone and I still have the chance to share my feelings).

When I posted this topic I feel so alone and depressed, but when I read all of your replies it really made me feel comfortable. This depression is really killing me, because it's affecting my studies and socializing, because of this I fail to get on to the top of our class, instead I was on the 5th, and I have no friends because I extremely became a shy person because of this depression.

Thank you very much!

Mochiah
Sadsong
ShynSassy
Howlyncat
TeNNiSd0C09
Sherrine
Pink Grandma
Karen

Thank you very much! This forum really made my feelings better because of you all.

Blessed be.

P.S.
I hope that you do understand my english and the tone of my words, I'm afraid that it may sound different.

Thanks again.
Posted 3/19/2008 2:15 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Shane,
I'm 16 too, and i read your original post. I know EXACTLY what you mean. I always wanted to be alone to. Just saying, gay guys are awesome! I don't know why people are so harsh against them. Don't let people get you down just because of you prefrence! I weird... there's so much that I have in common with you! I've been depressed for three years too, but friends honestly help a bunch... not all the time, but if you find those true friends out there that you're destined to hook up with, they always have your back. Remember you always have all of us here! Not physically, but there are real people who feel your pain. Come to the chat rooms... I'm usually there when i get the chance, unless you live on the other side of the US! :) I used to let things get to me so easily, but then i just kind of learned to block it out. Feel better Shane. :)
Posted 3/19/2008 2:18 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks froggy1011! Glad to know that there are people who's having similar problems like mine, so that they might share their experiences on how they have conquered such depression.

Thank you very much!

Blessed be.
Posted 3/19/2008 3:02 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Shane,

I am happy that you are happy here and glad that you are feeling better and feeling accepted. That is what it is all about. Being able to talk about things and having others understand.

Please continue to come here whenever you need to.

hugs, Karen
Posted 3/19/2008 4:04 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you very much Karen, yes this forum really made me understand deeper about my depression.

Blessed be.
Posted 3/19/2008 11:19 AM (GMT 0)
Shane
I am so HAPPY that you have found the support and unconditional caring here just as I have .......
I understand your post perfectly you are expressing yourself very well and clear in my opinion
PPL can be so cruel and they usually are the ones that are just longing to hurt someone as they maybe hurting themselves inside ya know
STILL this is no excuse to belittle you or put you in a spot all on your own .....
WE all accept you for you
Plain and simple
I like the way you express yourself
Honestly and very open
Take care my new friend and know we are here for you .......LYN
God BLess sweetie.......
Posted 3/19/2008 11:26 AM (GMT 0)

Good Morning Shane,

I just wanted to stop in and say Welcome to HeallingWell and the Depression Forum.  You have already met so many of the wonderful  members and as Karen and many of the others have said you are not stupid.  You are a good and kind human being and it seems to me you need help and support right now. I am not a professional however you know yourself best and please seek help if your feeling really down.

I hope you can find some peace in talking with the members of this board but please remember to look into therapy if it is available to you. 

You have nothing to be ashamed of and please know we are all here for you.  Bless you our new friend.
Kitt

Posted 3/19/2008 12:15 PM (GMT 0)

Hi there Shane!

I too wanted to join your long list of friends who are welcoming you to HealingWell!

Firstly, never worry about people being rude or nasty here... we are a close family and we look after each other. And as for your English, its better than mine sometimes (And im ashamed to admit English is my first language!)

I have loads of friends who are gay. They are fantastic people who (very often) are kind, caring and sensitive people with a great sense of humour. I do understand that there are cultural differences between the UK (where I am) and the Phillipines but my advice would be not to let that stand in the way of who you really are. 'Coming out' (I am told) is hard for anyone, but very often the result is a huge feeling of relief and also that the reaction is never as bad as people imagine it to be. This may solve some of the depression you are suffering as well. Although being gay in the UK is not a majority, it is considered to be quite normal and most people dont even think twice if you tell them your gay in conversation. I certainly think your normal.

Until I hear from you again, my friend

Darren

Posted 3/19/2008 12:42 PM (GMT 0)
Oh, you know what guys? I'm very much surprised, I never expected that I could find people like you all, very helpful, caring, thoughtful and kind. Sorry for what I've posted earlier that I don't trust other people, I'm just that wrong enough to blame myself, because I now found the people that really made me whole and accept myself as I am.

I can't measure how I value the people in this forum who are ready to help. I appreciate all of your replies as they are bringing light in my eyes in times when I was very blind, because I have also joined other forum but they are very rude with me, I don't know what's up with them. I thought that internet-friends are all just for fun, I realized that they are also bringing joy, satisfaction and light to one's broken heart.

Uhmn I'm just confused with this one. I said to myself that I'm gay, I can tell that I'm gay because I'm sexually attracted to guys, but I feel gross when I get near to my friend guys without shirt or something, so I am only sexually attracted to guys with my eyes I guess (LOL confusing eh?). I'm also attracted to girls. I'm very much confused about this. Well I'm not going to hesitate to share this with you all.

I love a girl, though we're not close friends, I just felt something extraordinary with her, It's not sexual desire or something, I think it's very intense, I think words could never explain my feelings towards her. I'm always thinking of her (I have never felt this feelings towards guys). It's been 3 years since I started feeling this way, and until now my feelings is still the same, everytime I see her I'm getting clumsy and my heart beats so fast, please help me again, I just want to know what this is. I'm still naive about these things because I don't have close friends and family to talk and share with about this.

I think this is love? I'm not sure, but I'm sure that this isn't because of friendship, it's just we're not close.

I love this forum, especially the people who are part of it.

Blessed be.
Posted 3/19/2008 12:48 PM (GMT 0)
Darren.I have got to tell you that you have such a clear and concise way of putting things into perspective
You have really given Shane food for thought and I so luvs ya for it ..........

In Canada Shane where I am from ( Ontario) it is legal for gays to be married they have ame sex laws regarding family ,taxes everything....It is definitely not something that is not hidden here........

I was proud to be the one standing by my friend as she was married in United Church 2 yrs ago ......to another woman.......

I think she had more isssue while trying to keep in her sexuality as Dareen so aptly put it then she did when they finally came out .....
The 2 kids the have are proud to have 2 Moms
I have taught my daughter that ppl are ppl no matter what their sexuality is and I so believe this myself .........
Again in friendship
LYN
Posted 3/19/2008 12:53 PM (GMT 0)
Very nice to hear :-) :-) I hope Philippines will also accept gays though I don't have interest sexually in guys but I'm sexually attracted (oh so much confusing!)...
Posted 3/19/2008 1:02 PM (GMT 0)
Shane
I dont know what to tell you
It could be love or it sure sounds like it could be ......or have you had the need to try to find someone ( a girl ) to put your feelings to?? So that you dont have to deal with what you are dealing with ......your own sexuality issues
Have you talked to her at all or just been on the sidelines waiting .......??Have you spent any time with her at all even just talking .....??

Sexuailty I honestly believe can be so confusing especially to those in your age but others in different age brackets too

I believe you do or should have some type of therapy and find out exactly what it is you are depressed about along with the sexuality thing.....this is ONLY my opinion and I could be wrong .I am only human and tying to reach out sweetie
I WISH I could help you more I really do but like I said I just dont know ........
Hoping someone will have better input than I for you my friend........God Bless....LYN

I am so sorry you are so very confused with this .....Luvs..and God Bless..LYN

Posted 3/19/2008 1:10 PM (GMT 0)
It's okay don't worry. This is my first time feeling like this to a someone, so I'm confused sorry, I love girls who are my classmates but my feelings towards her is very different. Yes we sometimes talk and I'm not satisfied for that sometimes, I just want to be always beside her. :-)

Thanks for the reply Howlyncat.

Take care always!

blessed be!
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