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I hate living a lie

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Posted 3/23/2008 3:24 AM (GMT 0)
I hate lying to my relatives about telling them I'm still in grad school. I saw my godparents today and told them school was hard. But I didn't tell them I failed a class because my parents didn't want me to. I feel so bad lying to them, and to my friends here. I hate it. :-( I told one of my friends here I was pregnant. The reason was because she wanted to see Juno but I said no because I heard it was a sad movie. But then I felt bad lying and I told her the truth. She didn't look down on me. She said everything was going to be ok and supportive. Anyways, I'm sorry for compalining but I just hate lying to people and living here.:-( My parents make me feel horrible. I told them how I felt bad lying to my grandparents and friends here and they told me well tell them you failed and that you got pregnant.. they'll really look up to you then. They just made me feel bad. :-( Everyone here thinks I'm going back to grad school on Monday, but that's not the truth. I hate living this lie. I hate it :-(
Posted 3/23/2008 4:12 AM (GMT 0)

Hey Confused,

I know how you must feel, it is hard when you have to live a lie.  But your friend didn't look down on you, she was supportive.  So your mother was wrong, remember that.  I think all of your friends would be supportive of you.  It is just that your parents are too worried about how things look.  So I would tell my friends if I felt the need but don't tell your parents that you did.  I know that is another lie, well kind of, just not telling them.  Would your grandparents keep a secret if you told them?  If they are understanding I bet they would.  It is up to you really if you want to tell them.  NOt your parents.  But you have to live with if they say anything to your parents, so keep that in mind.

I hope that you have a better day tomorrow.  As always you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Luv and hugs, Karen

Posted 3/23/2008 2:03 PM (GMT 0)

I think Karen has a good point about telling your grandparents but I have to disagree with her in the method (Sorry Karen!) If you tell them and ask them to keep it a secret from their daughter/son (Not sure if they are maternal or Paternal grandparents) you are asking them to live a lie and you still have to keep the lie going as well. What happens when you are in a room, all together, and someone mentions how you are doing in grad school? IMO if you are going to tell them, it shouldnt be a secret. But that is your choice to make and I would hate you to think I was making it for you.

It is up to you what you do but I think you are old enough to decide what you tell them and what you dont. Your friends didnt look down on you and I shouldnt think your grandparents will either. Grandparents are usually more understanding than anyone (in my experience). It is your choice to make... please dont allow your parents to make it for you if it makes you feel this bad.

Regards

Darren

Posted 3/23/2008 2:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hello. I already told my grandparents. My parents are fine with it. It's my godparents who I went out with and am not supposed to tell.
Posted 3/23/2008 6:40 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry I misunderstood. I would say the same thing for godparents as for grandparents though.

Posted 3/27/2008 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
I e-mailed my godparents and told them I was home, but not to tell my parents or any other people. I told them sorry I lied to them about going back to grad school this week. I told them how I failed one class but get the chance to come back end of July. I also told them how I think my parents are ashamed of me since they don't want me telling anyone I'm home. They emailed me back and they told me they wouldn't tell anyone. They told me how proud they are of me of getting into such a competitive program in grad school and that they are proud of me for having a bio major. They told me that I grew up from a shy girl to a beautiful young woman and that they love me. They also said that I should try grad school again and they think I'll do better this time around. They told me that they don't think my parents are ashamed of me, but they just don't like people in the Greek community gossiping about me. So they promised they wouldn't tell anyone. I wasn't going to tell my mom I told my godparents but I did tell her. She got mad at first but she seems to have calmed down now. She told me not to tell anyone else I'm home. I'm glad I confided in my godparents because they gave me support. My mom doesn't think I should have told though. She keeps making the point that what if you go back and fail a second time? Then they will know you failed twice. :-( I hope I did the right thing by telling them. I told them because I didn't like lying to them about my life when I met with them last weekend. I hated lying to them. Do you think I did the right thing by telling them the truth? I'm so confused.
Posted 3/28/2008 12:26 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Confused,

Yes I think you did the right thing.  And I am sure that it must of been a relief after you told them.  And they probably respect you more for telling them the truth.  Yes your mom got upset, but she did get over it.  She is probably not even mad anymore.  So I am glad that you did what you did.  Just for your own peace of mind. 

I can understand your conflict, but I think that the more that you do what you feel is right, the stronger you will be.

If you stop and think about it.  I am sure that you are going to succeed when you go back to graduate school.  But what if you did fail?  Would it be the end of the world?  NO...  You will have tried at something that few people even try to do.  And that is what counts.  That you have tried your best.  Yes, it is wonderful to succeed.  But if you don't try at all, you would never have known what it was like.  So you are experiencing something that few people ever experience.  That is waht matters.  That you try.  You might even change your mind about what you want to be.  Who knows?  But atleast you gave it your best, and that is what it is all about.  If you tell yourself "I am trying, and I am doing the best that I can do" you can't fail.  But if you tell yourself,"Oh no, what if I fail?" then you aren't getting the experience of trying.  Can you see what I am trying to say.  All you have to do in this life is know that you did your best at whatever you try to do.  So it is all in how you look at it.  What your mom says doesn't make any sense.  She says that you will have to tell them you failed twice.  NO...You will have to tell them that you tried twice the best way that you knew how.  Take what she says negative and turn it into a positive.  Then there is no way that you can fail.  And it isn't what she thinks, it is what you feel in your own heart.  You are a wonderful person Confused, and please don't ever forget that.  You are trying...That is all that matters.  In your eyes and in God's eyes, you will succeed. 

Luv and hugs, Karen

Posted 3/28/2008 10:51 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Confused,

Im glad that everything is out in the open now. As Karen said, I bet you feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I think you have done the right thing. As for grad school... I have been in a similar position. I failed my first year at college (in spectacular fashion I might add!!) but when I went back to it the following year, I passed all my courses. So I know it can be done and I have every faith in you.

Darren

Posted 3/28/2008 1:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks getting by and djdaz_1985. I still haven't told my friends here I'm home... (since the semester is almost over) but I do feel a weight has been lifted off since I did tell my godparents.
djdaz_1985, I'm glad you passed the courses the following year!

Hope you both are doing well.

Posted 3/28/2008 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Confused,

You sound so much better and I am so happy for you. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 3/29/2008 9:29 AM (GMT 0)
I second what Karen said!

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