Friendship

Hi I new to the depression forum, but not healing well. I have to vent a little bit,and I thought this would be the approriate forum. I go to fibro forum, and IBS adn arthitis and chronic pain, which all that is enough to be depressed in itself, have a family that not that understanding. However this not why I am here.

I have had a very close friend for 5 years, we both have daughters with Autism, and actually her daughters autism is caused by a legion in her brain a very rare disorder called LKS (Landau Kleffner Syndrome), which causing her dauhgter seizures, and loss of skills.

her daughters IQ is like 166 one of the top two percent in the world, she is 8. And now her daughter is starting to regress some. Which scares me, becasue I really care about her daughter and her.  But she has now secluded me from her life, and that has got me very depressesed.  We have been thru alot with our daughters together, and have shared alot, and been each others confidants. Now she has a boy friend in the picture who may move in, he is really good with her daughter, and her wants a daddy. So this is good. But I real depressed she wont answer my calls anymore, or my emails, or call me, and have been thru so much together. I really really miss her, here were somethings I could only tell her that only she would understand. And I want her to keep informed about her dauhgter because I really care. I do have anoher close friend, but its awkward to discuss another friend with someone else( if no what I mean) Maybe its like God has replaced this friend with another. But it still hurts, ANd I miss my friend, and having a real hard time coping with it, since we were so close. how so i make the hurt stop. I really missher.

Sorry to dump here, but didnt know where else to go, and I am very depressed about it, and could just use some support. Thank you so much for listening...... ...

Thank you Karen, I hope we wil have contact again soon too, I do pray for her, and her daughter too. I love them, and I miss them very much.

Hi Sheryl,

There are a couple ways to deal with depression. If it is situational, therapy works. CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is one way. Seeing a therapist, counselor or psycologist will help.

The other way is medication. I would talk to your doctor about that. If you have a chemical imbalance in your system, the medications work. Sometimes though you have to go through trial and error with that. There are a lot of antidepressants out there so there is a lot of things to help.

I hope that this helps you.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Sheryl,

I take effexor too.  I take 375 mg a day.  I took it for a long time and finally was increased to the highest limit.  I took wellbutrin for a while too.  I had a few side effects that I didn't like.  It started making me nervous and everything tasted wierd.  I didn't like the smell of them, they smelled like sulfer.  But not everybody has the side effects that I had.  So maybe that would be better for you.  That is if you like it better than the effexor, actually I even took the two of them together.  But I stopped the wellbutrin.  Doctor put me on adderall.  I like that much better.  It helps with weight and gives you energy.  I am taking another good med for depression called abilify.  It is actually for bipolar, but it works as a mood stablizer for me.  Also helps with obsessive compulsive thinking.  I had went up on the dose and I couldn't sleep so I am back down to 5mg I believe.

Are you thinking about going to counseling?  It has really helped me a lot.  I see a psycologist, but have been to social workers and other type of counselors.  I also see a psychiatrist who does the medication part.  It works out well.

I hope that you feel better soon.  I know that it is no fun being depressed.  I am a lot of the time, but just take things one day at a time and you will do fine.

Hugs, Karen

thank you kitt and Karen.

My dauhgter is on abilify actuall 15 mgs of it a day ,, i give half a pill in the morning and half at night, as she is slightly autistic, and bipolar, and it does work for her. We took both kids of the depakote.

I cant afford the abilify, were already getting it for Kara , too much for me too, high co-pay, I will be going back on topamax once it becomes genric in sept or there abouts, again my son is one it, not just as a mood stablizer but as migraine med.  I need it as a nerve med as i have neuropathy, and when i was taking it worked great but again to high co-pay for both of us. the kids come first. I need to figure how to ge a part time job that fit their hours and thats nearly impossible, temp agncies if i get blessed enough to find a part ime job, that take of the weeks or days my children are off. son is 13, kara only 8 and with there issues they would kill each other. my son onlythinks heis on the topamx for migraines, he doesnt know its a mood stablizer. And I am not telling him otherwise. All I know it worked for me.  We make too much to qualify for med co-pay help. of course we dont see the money, its all outgoing, thats why I need my own job, i used to work at home making customer service calls, but that posisition was elimated.

I suppose a counseler might help, but hate to approach to subject with my husband, it would mean more money, its best to have another good friend to talk too, maybe my pastor too. I acually email him sometimes. This may be one of those times.  And of course all of my friends an healingwell, thats why I turned here. to people who understand.

I guess i can see the light at the end of the tunnel, buts seems like a real long tunnel

Thank you for being there for me.

Karen since I am adhd the adderall puts me to sleep, so thats out. I lost 13 pounds with the wellbutrin, i do remember being a little edgy on it, but that was all I was on, now I am on klonipin which helps with the anxiety, which should cut the edgyness down

Not to mention the two reglan I have before I go to bed which really puts me to sleep, so I am not worried about the edgyness of it, cuz i on other things that subdue me treatments for my gerds/ibs I would keep the prozac. please check my signature which shows what i am on. But the effexsor is making my blood pressure go up, and the weight gain. I  am not one to have high blood pressure I am usually low. so it needs to go, or i would have to go on a blood pressure med, and I dont want to do that,. Karen

did the wellbutrin effect your blood pressure. Thats important to me, i m a normal blood pressure person, and want to turn in to a high blood pressure person.  I just feel the wellbutrin combined with all else i am on might level me out to normal no energyless, but more energy, than when i get back on the topamax its a weight loser too, but it didnt make me sleepy or wired.

So I have been doing my homework on the meds. thing is my pdoc is out of town, and i cant make any changes to my med until he gets back, and there not taking appts to may.  I am glad to know i have you all, and my other close friend too.

Thanks Karen, things got worse this morning, my son called me telling me to get a job, said the dad was gonna talk to me about it too, they dont understan how I feel, of course i want a part time job, but i dont feel my 13 y old son is competant ehnough to watch my 8 yr old daughter, they would both have to clean, is a scary thought. Please pray for me, thank you ....

Thank you Karen.

They just dont beleive me, and husband is resntful becasue he work two jobs, and feels i need to earn my own way, and refuses to give me gas money to go to my friends house every other weekend, she is 70 miles away. Now I cant even see the one friend I do have. I cant do a night job becsue I a so tired im usally asleep by 7.30. something like 9 to 1 would be ideal, but who to watch my daughter only holidays, my husband says walmrt, mcdonalds etc. those are retail jobs and i cant stay on my feet that long, I go to the bathroom every 10 minutes with IC(peeing) severe bladder pain, and IBS one week im regular, nesxt week im constipated, following week I have direah.

I need to go back to a pain doc, but dont know how well that will go over with my husband. The vicoden 10s see to help the ibs when it get real bad. then fiber for the constipation times, I have bulging discs and nuerapathy, need to get back on a nerve pill, topamax I like, but i have to wait to it goes generic so I can afford it. My knees hurt to go up stairs, I have had operations on both knees, they just have plain old arthritis, but at 39 I feel i should be alot more healthier. My rheummy who dx with fibro said to take water aerobics all yr round, which I cant afford, we have a pool, but i have to wait til its warm enough to swim in( hub will turn on the heat when he knows there will be no more cold snaps. here in the south we can still get cold snaps all the way through motherdays day.

I also need it to be a overcast day, the summer sun gives me very bad headaches and makes me neasea, I have got some cool glasses that help some, the were real cheap too, so swimming does help the fibro, but kinda irratates the ic , then i got to take ic meds, but its a giv and take if want to get exercise and feel better back wise and shoulderwise i need the water, Im sorry I am babbbling just been a real bad day, and I do pray for everyone here at healing well too, without this place I would be so lost,I know God works in mysterious ways, and I have to keep faith, and keep on posting try and give help as well as seek it.

Thank you so much......

I did apply for dissablity but was denied.

you are right my son should be helping, so should daughter. husb. works two jobs so I cant blame him, but the kids are definatley old enough to help out .....

Thank you so much KAren. no they dont clean up after themselves, the older one occasionally,

cleaning up after them is like a full time job. the little one some times helps when she is bored like today after i sweep she will mop she said, last time she quit mid mop, saidd the floor was too slippery. so i finished it. My older cleaned one time becasue his friend was coming over, and he didnt want to be embarrassed. But otherwise they do nothing. I ve tried. I have an interview next wed, its a sitdown job, but im not sure I will understand the job, I hope there is no selling to it, dont want that kind of job. phones and paper work and filing data entry is about my extent. SO please pray for me about this job, just not sure about it, but I wanted to make family happy. ......

Karen I am afraid even if I do get the job that it wont last because i will have know one to watch my daughter during the summer, at first my son said he would, wich I did not agree with, but when he found out it was all summer he went nuts, and said noway. So unless these sre real understanding people that just let me have the summer off, and school day vacations off, then Im out of luck. But you never know maybe they will. I have appled at the school board so many times but the never call, and I cant call them, it doesnt work that way. And Im goign to be upfront with the person, tell him I need the summer off, and see what he says, I always see this ad in the papaer and finally called it, I know its a liegit company as two of my sister in laws work for it, but at the main office they work. he did say it would be on the job training. data entry, finacial anylisis. Just hope im not do sales pitches to custmors, I can handle reception and such, papaer work. He still seemed interested when I said I could only work 9-1 m-f. no weekends. He said the reason there was an ad all the time is the peope from this office would move on up to there main offices like the ones where my sis inlaws work. So since they move up they need to keep replacing they are mainly an insurance company calles Primeamerica. So wish me luck, with the kids and the job.  I would feel better about my self if I had a job. But I just need a little help. I know God helps those who help themsleves. Please pray this is not too much for me, and that I will get the help i need.  Im mean i am on the computer all day, so what difference would it be if I was doing the same thing a few hrs a day and getting paid for it.  I really thank you for listening, it helps tremendously, I dont feel so alone, I feel like I have others who care and listen. thank you .....

Thank you Karen for your support

Thanks for the bump shy, I emailed my friend yesterday, telling her how i was doing and my childrren were doing, becasue our children our big part of our friendship. Letting her also know I care about her precious one too and am praying for her as she has to have tests and eeg done again, they think her seizures are getting worse, I just want my friend to know i care and i want her to keep me posted about her daughter. If it wasnt for our daughters we would have never met.  I dont know if I told her about my job interview. I will email her that.  She works as a special ed lead teacher in Pre-k.

Yes does really hurt, specially since we were close for five years our dauhgter being autistic is how we met.  I mean if your going to disolve a freindship shouldt you at least talk to that person.

I feel like I am in limbo: this is what she wrote we havent spoke in a month:

sheryl I have not been myself lately.  Lyric has been having a hard time.  We are going back to autgusta and getting more test done.  I cant do the spring break with you.  Lyric just needs peace and quite.  I hope you understand.  I am not trying to be mean or hateful.  I just need that time to myself to regroup.  Lyric is now back with Leslie half days.  She seems better with this arrangement.  I am not taking phone calls or anything right now.  i might even get the darn thing turned off.  I just want to have a little more calm.  I am fine.  matt is helping me and is probably going to move in soon.  I will call  you soon.  email me back and let me know you understand//////   kisses  debi   

 

I dont know where this puts us we have been thrugh so much toghether, and I want to keep me posted on her daughters I reallly love them both.I wrote back in the heat of hurt this:

Debi I am sorry Lyric has had much problems latley, Kara does too.  Ihave nade other arrangments for spring break.
But I am not going to write you back telling you I understand that your completelty ignotring me, and speaking with me. That i wont tell you I understand. We are friends, frrends talk to each other. My feeling are very hurt, and the fact that you couldnt take a 2 minute phone call to tell me this in person breaks my heart, very much, we have been friends for almost five years, I feel like your mad at me. I did want to talk about karas IEP with you, buts thats fine I find the with Jody and make him sit down and understand. Im tapering Jae off two meds, I wanted your opinion becasue your my friend, and you know jody doesnt understand the med thing. Im sorry. Lyric is number one in your life and always will be. But you shouldnt shut your friends out, especiallly in an email. I love you, and will still be your friend when your ready to speak to me again, I understand you need a break, but wished you told me that in person. I love you...Sheryl

 

Do you think what i wrote back was inapproriate? All I asked  wa sfor her to tell me in person/phone.  We were really very close freinds.