THE GOOD & BAD IN THINGS

A new day of wondering what the day will hold.  I will give you the good things in my life, not to many.  An old friend called me yesterday and left me a voicemail.  I havent talked with her for several months and she says that she found my number going through some papers and wanted to call me.  I did call her back today and she was at work and said that she would call me later.  We will see, I dont get to disappointed over things anymore, just feel numb.  I cant remember the last time I cried.  The second thing is that my yard is getting done, it doesnt look too bad.  I have a big ugly tree out front and I decided to take all the dead branches off, it looks ok but oh well.

I also have a job interview on Monday for a large clinic, fulltime, the wage is not as much as I would like but atleast I wont be p..s poor either.

The bad things going on in my life are nothing new.  My sister was doing better about a month ago.  My mom called me today to tel me that her tumor is growing back and my brother-in-law has a couple options.  If it is up to my sister she will fight to the bitter end, I just dont know if I can watch her do that.  I want to get down there as soon as I can in case I start working.

I am sleeping at night again.  I feel worse during the day and have no ambition to do anything.

Feeling really sad today, depressed I am going to go outside and finish my lawn work.

Hi Teresa,

Im glad that you have got your garden looking good. As for the dead tree... there isnt much you can do about that other than have it cut down but that costs money. Besides... where would you hang your fairy lights at Christmas! Its nice that your friend called you after finding your number... you must have meant something to her otherwise I guess she wouldnt have called. Hopefully you can get talking regularly again.

Im sorry to hear that you sister is no better but try to focus on the good things in life. Thats not to say you should ignore the bad things but dont let them dominate your thoughts. Otherwise, as you well know, you drive yourself further and further down into the rut.

Remember we are always here for you.

Darren

What really depressed me the most is there is a guy that lives a couple doors down and he is about my age, here he has a harley.  So I get to watch them leave on the bike.  Theyre laughing and enjoying the bike, sun and each other.  I had to come in to fight the tears. I know I say that I am getting stonger, but in my mind I am still broken.

As far as my friend goes, we talked briefly on eggshells and made a plan to go see her Monday after my interview.  She lives in Salem and that is really not that far.  I just felt really distant when I talked to her, almost like I didnt really care nor did she.

I am just really feeling edgy and highly irritated today.  I just want to be happy.

I have literally worked in my yard for 4 days and it still needs work, I am getting tired now, my ambition is running really low.  The last few days I have been fighting off the depression, really hard.  It seems my anxiety attacks are even worse and I have a little chest pain.  It is probably from me exerting myself but it really quite painful at times.

It is raining out and that makes me even more depressed, lonely.  As far as my friend I wish I could say I was excited but I cant, it wouldnt matter to me if she and i didnt get together on monday, that is how i am with everyone, I just dont care if someone likes me or not.  I spent way to many years trying to be the most beautiful, perfect person for everyone, that I would give anything to have feelings again.

Just a little depressed tonight.

Teresa,

I haven't talked to you in a long time.  I know you must be exhausted from all the yard work, but you have to feel good when you drive in your driveway and see how nice it looks or when you look out your windows.

I know it sounds like your depression has taken over again, but I really think you would be missing out on something if you don't meet up with your old friend.  I hope you will give it a try.  If you get there and feel uncomfortable, you can come up with an excuse or just be honest with her, and say you have to leave.  I think it would be a positive, healthy thing for you to try to get out of the house and be with other people.

Just know I am thinking about you and support you either way.  I am envious of your yard. 

Hugs!

Carla

I went to my interview today and I really think I nailed it, my portfolio was quite impressive to my interviewer.  This would be a great job but the hours kind of stink, not bad though, no midnights or afternoons, thats good.  We will see, I also have my resume out to a cancer clinic in Canton also, I should be hearing from them soon I would think.  That position would be both good and stressful because of what I am going through with my sister.  I applied for this though because I am trying to look at the positive things.  In this case, I  may hear of new developments that may halp my sister and her fight or just give me a better understanding of what is happening with her.

I did go and see my friend today and I am glad I did.  She said that she had missed me and that she was sorry for the things that were said.  We then caught up on what was happening in our lives.  We promised to get our friendship back together and no more stupid stuff.

I really did miss her and I did tear up a little.  She asked me if she could drive my car and I asked her if she could drive stick.  She made the motion with her hands up and down and said is that it?  lol  I said yea but I'll drive.  Felt good being with her again.

I am trying to get things finalized with the legalities of what is going on.  It is really stressful and I wish I did'nt have to do this alone, my friend cant do it because she doesnt understand all this crap.

I am really tired this evening, I think it is because it was a mentally tiring day.

ps......thanks for all your prayers

I am so glad to hear the job interview went well. Between planting flowers, reconnecting with friends, and a great interview--your life sounds so sweet right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be just as good.

Lynne

Already my day is starting not good.I worked into the evening last night and just about have my lawn and landscaping done.  Snd as much fun as that was, now I realize that I cannot even afford the mulch and other things I want to make it pretty.  I will say that this is the first time in a long time that I have felt so hopeless about my finances, I am actually very scared that is how bad it is.

I also received an email from the dealership TELLING me what needs to be done!  Ok now I am at loss because I don't have anyone to help me or intimade these people.  There proposal is not feasible for me as they refused to reimburse for for the car until they resale it, I could do that!!!  Anyway, I guess the person that was going to sell me their car will not wait on these a........s to give me what I need to get my car now.  I wish I had the amount of the car I want to buy and they could then relist this one and when I recieve my money from this sell, I could pay back the amount that I was loaned.

I am going to go back out in my yard today and try not to think about finances but it is so hard.

But the sun is out and we all should be hapy right, yea ok

Hi Teresa,

Do you not have farms near you that give mulch away free? Maybe thats just a British thing!? You have inspired my to get out into the garden now that our weather is starting to look good. (Although it is supposed to rain until the weekend now!)Its so hard to get motivated to do anything as I will be moving out in June but its nice to have one last summer in a nice garden before I move back into University Halls. (Where we dont have a garden! LOL) So you can take pride in the idea that you have inspired me to get out into the garden.

As for the car, I too think this sounds fishy and would talk to a lawyer about it. I am no expert in mechanics or US law so I dont think its really my place to hand out advice.

Keep your chin up and your face smiling!

Darren

If attorneys are anything like lawyers, they cost an arm and a leg just to talk to them on the phone! As for the mulch... farmers see it as a waste product and are glad that people come and take it away for them! Maybe your animal farmers have crops as well and they use it? You can pay for mulch in britain too... but I dont see the point since it is a lower quality and its not free!

I hope you get the car sorted out soon. It sounds like the dealership are not really listening to you. Sometimes it can be so hard to get these people to listen. Being a woman doesnt help either (And im not being sexist... but men get these people to listen better because of stereotype!). I hope you have a really boring day today

Darren

It is another sunny day here and I have no reason to stay in and do no work.  Still havent heard about my job but she did tell me that she is doing 2nd interviews next week.

I really need this job.

Ok well i am off, I hope that things go ok today.

really depressed today.  Tearful at times.  All I see is motorcycles going by with a girl and a  guy and it makes me so sad.  I looked to see if one is him.  I guess I have faced the fact that he has forgotten me and he is going on with his life, I am trying but the expectations of people are higher than they have ever been, therefore I am alone.

My yard does look nice and I managed to get the trampoline up.  My son and I played on it this evening.  I got a call back for a second interview!  I am thinking about moving to North Canton if I get this job.  Nothing holding me here anymore.